Coffee, Ghosts, Bush, and Birds

After a year of being told that just about everything that we eat is bad for us, I see that coffee has now been added to the list of dangerous substances. A new study suggests that people who take in the caffeine equivalent of three cups of brewed coffee (or seven cups of instant) are more likely to hallucinate. I usually have about twenty cups of instant a day, so, assuming that I’m supposed to see a ghost, or something similar, after eight cups, I should be in contact with two and a half of those spectres per day. I’ve already had my daily chat with two of them, and I think I saw the half disappearing into a bedroom — I’m not sure if it was the upper or lower half, as I was so confused. Of course, maybe this study sheds some light on what George W. Bush was drinking when he saw the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

No hallucinations with my next gripe, though. A year last summer, I painted my garden wall coping slabs a nice brick red colour, and by the time May 2008 had arrived, they were in a mess with bird droppings of a white hue. I thought that this could easily be remedied, so last summer I was in Picasso mode again, and painted them white. However, they are in a mess again, this time with mostly black deposits. I feed those birds really well throughout the winter, and this is how they repay me! In spite of that, I am very fond of our feathered friends, and there is no truth in the rumour that I’m about to buy a couple of snakes in order to solve the problem, as happened on an island in the western Pacific. 

In the mid-1940s, the brown tree snake was accidentally introduced to what was then snake-free Guam. This snake became Guam's new top predator and ate its way through a buffet of the island's bird community. As a result, 10 of the island's 12 forest bird species are now extinct on Guam and the two surviving forest bird species remain only in tiny, localized populations where snakes are controlled. Guam's now silent forests currently hold about 13,000 snakes per square mile.

I vaguely recall that there are sayings about "a bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush", and "a snake in the grass", but I cannot seem to make a connection at the moment. Confusion reigns – I really do have to cut down on the caffeine.

Freddie Goodwin, Banks, Birds, and Stripper

Airdrie Bank and Sir Freddie Goodwin

The good folk of Airdrie in Scotland must be scratching their heads in bewilderment this week. After all, it’s only very recently, 2002 in fact, that Airdrieonians FC, their football team founded in 1878, had to fold due to bankruptcy, with debts approaching £3 million. Fortunately a local man, Jim Ballantyne, bought out the ailing side Clydebank, relocated the club to Airdrie, and a new club was born, with the name Airdrie United.

It now seems that the Chief Executive of Airdrie Savings Bank, Britain’s smallest, is to open a new branch in South Lanarkshire, and is considering disgraced Sir Freddie Goodwin for the manager’s post. This is the guy who was forced to quit the Royal Bank of Scotland last year, when the Government stepped in with an emergency bailout. RBS revealed earlier this week that Sir Fred’s acquisition of Dutch rival ABN AMRO would cause record losses of £28 billion for 2008. Compare this to the £790,000 profit that the Airdrie bank made for that year.

Surely the 60,000 customers and 103 staff of this small but successful bank, must be hoping that Jim Lindsay, the Chief Executive, is talking tongue in cheek. Otherwise, they might as well splash out on bigger mattresses sooner rather than later.

Stripper’s Shoe

A nightspot is being sued for £18,000 by a man who was hit on the nose by a stripper’s platform shoe. The lawsuit alleges that the XTC nightclub management allowed the dancers to wear “improper attire”, and asked strippers to perform dances that made the stage a “hazardous area”. Yusuf Evans, from Ohio, claims that he has had difficulty in breathing since then. Given the nature of the entertainment, methinks that he had difficulty in breathing even before the shoe made contact.

Bird Count

The annual bird count is now upon us. I wonder if I should include the blond neighbour on my left, and the brunette who resides on my right?

Windfarms and Birds

About a year ago, news broke that The Scottish Government was set to refuse the Lewis Wind Power windfarm. In a letter to developers AMEC, Scottish ministers had confirmed that they are minded not to grant planning permission for the massive development. Of course, many islanders were against the proposals, as was shown in various surveys. However, those views were not taken into consideration, it seems. In fact, they came to this decision after being lobbied by environmental bodies, who seem determined to block just about everything  In fact, the government are going to refuse it, not because of any consideration for the lovely, long legged type of bird, but for the feathered kind.