Global Warming or Freezing?

Another really cold day here in the northern part of Scotland, with a strong wind, frost, and choppy seas, meaning that ferries are stuck in port, thus leaving supermarket shelves so bare that they could easily be eligible to be on the Sun’s Page Three. I think that human hibernation for the next month is the only answer. In fact, although I might have mentioned this before, the wind was so strong that it reminded me of a similar day a while back, when a neighbour told me that he’s watched one of his hens lay the same egg three times.

A few weeks ago, we had some of the world’s so-called leaders having a chinwag for 10 days on how to stop global warming. They couldn’t agree on anything, of course, although they DID manage to spend millions on expenses, quaffing the best food and drink, and managing to leave even more of a carbon footprint by jetting in for their conference from all corners of the globe. Have they never heard of some advances that have been made in technology over the years, such as video conferencing? Going by the weather we’re having now, can we expect them to have another shindig soon, in order to discuss how to stop global freezing?

Still on the weather front – David McLetchie, leader of the Scottish Tories between 1999 and 2005, has suggested that offenders should be made to clear our pavements and streets of snow as part of their rehab. Within minutes, a listener had phoned BBC Scotland, asking how the public could manage their finances if the bankers were out, busy shovelling the white stuff.

I see that Stephanie Beacham, she of Dynasty fame, managed to burn herself just days before she was due to go into the Celebrity Big Brother house, whatever that is. She knocked over a saucepan of boiling water in her kitchen, and somehow managed to scald one of her legs and her head. She must be either very supple or else rather small in stature to have managed that feat.

A quick update on Mrs Ure, who is still stuck in a caravan with one of her friends, and of course, with the turkey. I thought things couldn’t get any worse, but it seems that they have, as the electricity generator back home has blown up, and her husband has to rely on candles and a coal fire. Maybe the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas” will need to have a few extra days added to it.

Dentists and Frozen Turkeys

It’s been over a month since I’ve scribbled anything here, but it should come as no surprise that I have a look at Westminster for my first item of 2010. It has been revealed that many of the estimated one million illegal immigrants in Britain are actually working in top Government offices – including the headquarters of the UK Border Agency – the body that is supposed to keep them out of the country in the first instance! The organisation is one of 3 Government departments, 54 NHS Trusts, and 34 local authorities who have admitted employing 349 foreign staff that have no right to work here since 2006. On top of that, the expenses scandal is still to the fore, with over 400 MPs having had demands to repay some of their expense claims, ranging from £1000s for flipping houses to a few pounds for things such as garlic slicers. It all leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

Talking of that part of the anatomy, it seems that a new dentist’s surgery is to be built adjacent to the local hospital here. I would have thought that there are plenty of other areas where it could have been built, as the hospital could well do with many more parking spaces, and the ground allocated for the dentist’s new surgery would have been ideal. The architects have tried to pacify us natives by telling us of the lovely view of Broadbay that we’re going to have as we sit there having our treasured molars extracted. Well, that is certainly true if we happen to be sitting whilst facing east – we’ll be able to see a small part of the bay, plus the odd plane landing on, or taking off, from the nearby airport. However, if we are looking north, we find ourselves looking at a housing estate, and what folk are preparing for dinner. A glimpse to the west, another housing estate, and the busiest road leading into the town, which will undoubtedly give us fantastic free views of would-be Formula One Drivers. Now to the south, where all we’re going to have is a bird’s eye view of nurses tending to their patients in a couple of the wards. Fantastic scenery, as the architects have informed us. Of course, we have the consolation of knowing that the Accident and Emergency department is only 40 yards away if the dentist messes up our gums whilst he or she is enjoying the panorama to be seen from his room.

I suppose that we should all sympathize with the couple from Sutherland in the north of Scotland who have been kept apart by the weather for the past 14 days. Kay Ure had left her lighthouse keeper’s cottage in the remote part of the Scottish Highlands to go on a shopping trip to Inverness. However, with the turkey safely in the bag, thick snow and blocked roads have made it impossible for her to return to the cottage and to her, no doubt, starving husband, John. We can only hope that he will soon have two birds in the hand, one frozen, and one of the rather more cuddly type.

London Grinds to a Halt

Shock! Horror! London had 5 inches of snow yesterday, and it shouldn’t have happened, as it wasn’t Christmas day. Even then, 1 inch will do, thank you. One in five folk didn’t make it into work, with even all the bus services cancelled. Their hard working Mayor, Boris Johnson (should there be a Yeltsin there somewhere?), suggested that a lot more could have made the effort, telling us that he managed to cycle in. Does he not know that loads of workers in the capital do not live round the corner from their place of work, but have to commute from miles around?

 

Anyway, I’m reminded that in the Highlands of Scotland, when we used to have 6 foot high drifts in the fifties, sixties, and seventies, we used things called shovels when there were no snowploughs available, and managed to make it to work. If it was icy, we used chains on the wheels, and got to work that way. 5 inches of snow? That’s a light covering, for goodness sake. It was –20 degrees in Moscow yesterday, but things went on as normal. It seems that some local authorities are simply not geared up to cope with weather that is not the norm.

 

The saying, "Making a mountain out of a molehill" springs to mind, and it reminds me of a fellow I knew years ago, who claimed to be having a massive heart attack each time that he broke wind from either end.