I had to take some time off from my lucrative printing business yesterday in order to have a CT scan of the remnants of the old brain. It’s actually quite a pleasant experience – you pop your head under a kind of dome, shut your eyes to protect them from laser beams being shot at you, lie back and think of …….. well, anything, apart from England. After leaving there, I bought a paper to see how much my shares in “Counterfeit Banknotes PLC” had risen in the previous 24 hours.
Being well satisfied, I cast a glance at the health pages – after all, I hope to have time left in which to enjoy my hard earned moolahs. I noticed that scientists are developing a sort of helmet that fires soundwaves into the skull, which are then converted into images to show doctors what is happening deep inside the brain. This means that a stroke can be diagnosed within minutes, rather than hours, as usually happens at present. Soundwaves are fired through both temples, with each one penetrating up to 4 inches inside the skull, meaning that even clots deep inside the brain can be detected. Previous attempts at using ultrasound on the brain have largely failed because the density of the skull distorts the echo from soundwaves. I’m afraid that it wouldn’t work in the case of certain politicians, as their skulls are simply too thick.
On a lighter note, I read last week that penguins are able to jump as high as 6 feet in the air. As the world record currently stands at 8 feet 0.46 inches, they will have to do some serious training before the Olympics are next held in Antarctica.
I noticed in the same bulletin that in Kentucky, it’s illegal to carry ice cream in one’s back pocket. If someone is charged with this heinous offence, I would suggest that they do not sit down whilst in the courtroom.
No comments:
Post a Comment