Madonna, Dunfermline Building Society, and the Perfect Penalty

So Madonna is in Malawi again, this time trying to adopt another child, Mercy James, as a sister for David Banda, who she adopted from the same country in 2006. She will today go to court to apply to adopt Mercy — despite the tot’s grandmother slamming the move as “stealing” and human rights groups complaining it is unlawful. It seems that Madge, 50, has recruited Malawi’s highest-ranking politicians to help clinch the controversial adoption. I wonder how much they get out of the deal.

 The singer caused a major outcry after the adoption of son David. More than 50 human rights groups tried to block the move, saying she had used her celebrity status to get around Malawi’s adoption laws. Dominic Nutt, of the charity, “Save the Children”, said: “People like her are looking for the most beautiful child. They wouldn’t choose a child with a disability. It doesn’t help to take one child out of an orphanage to a palace and buy them a pony.”

Some people argue that Madonna’s heart is in the right place, taking a child out of one of the many orphanages in Malawi, which are reputed to be horrendous places, but surely she could spend some of her massive wealth in having improvements carried out to those homes, thus ensuring a better life for all the youngsters there.

 

It has been announced this morning that the “Nationwide” is to take over the more profitable areas of the “Dunfermline Building Society”, a move hurriedly rushed through by the Government. The society, based in Gordon Brown’s Fife heartland, is expected to be broken up today with its profitable savings arm bought by a high street bank or building society, making it the latest in a series of failed British lenders

DUNFERMLINE Building Society boss Jim Faulds last night accused the Government of "wasting" the historic business. As the City geared up for the announcement of the society's new owners today, chairman Faulds insisted ministers could have helped bosses to keep it as a going concern. And he labelled the decision to seek a new owner "a needless waste of a first-class Scottish institution". Faulds said that management had been working for six months to try to save the Dunfermline, adding: "We have failed ... because we cannot get the faceless mandarins in London, who will not speak to us, to sit round the table and see we have a sustainable future." 

There was no bailout on offer this time, and it looks as if Mr Brown and his Government cohorts in London are simply trying to further sour the relations between themselves and the Scottish Parliament. It could of course backfire, as thousands of voters begin to realise just what a shallow and incompetent Prime Minister that Britain has.

I’ve had a go at scientists a few times in this blog, and today is no exception. It seems that the research team at Liverpool John Moores University have come up with the formula for the perfect penalty, and have made their recommendations after studying footage from Sky Sports' high definition cameras installed at the back of goal nets. 

Ideally the ball should pass exactly half a metre (just under two feet) under the crossbar and inside  either one of the goalposts, they found. The player should approach the ball at an angle of 20 to 30 degrees. The ball should also be hit at a speed of at least 65 miles per hour. This is deemed to be the high risk perfect penalty – the low risk one would be to hit it at the same speed, again aiming for half a metre inside one of the goalposts, but this time on the ground. Penalty takers are also advised to make the goalie think that the ball is going towards his right post say, but to swivel the body at the last moment, and shoot towards the left one. 

During the last World Cup, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, and Jamie Carragher all messed up their penalty kicks against Portugal, but somehow I don’t envisage them, or any other players, having a scrap of paper with the above instructions tucked into their shorts.