Daft Rules and Regulations

Whilst attending hospital last week, and waiting to see a doctor, I happened to in quite a pleasant waiting room, where an assistant made sure that we had plenty of coffee, tea, juice etc. brought to us; there was also a large plate on a table in front of us with biscuits, shortbread and such, waiting to be scoffed. As I was unable to eat, my attention and eyes tended to wander, and finally alighted on a notice that was fixed to the wall opposite me. It read, “Relatives and friends of patients are not allowed to eat”. There was nothing else -- no qualifying statement -- just those ten words. It seemed that all my poor friends and relations, and indeed, those of other patients, are destined for a future devoid of any sustenance. Of course, it was written in order to deter others from eating the patients’ goodies, but it was badly written, and the writer obviously didn’t bother to read it again before having it printed. I have mentioned stupid laws in a couple of my posts before now, and this incident set me going again, this time having a look at some of the more idiotic laws worldwide.

For instance, you are not allowed to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama, but if you are driving, sighted or unsighted, in Massachusetts, make sure that you do not have a gorilla in the back seat, as that’s a definite no-no. I’m not sure if you’re allowed to have one keeping you company in the front seat or not. Birthday suits seem to be taboo in quite a few places -- for instance, it’s an offence to shower naked in Florida, or to sleep naked in Minnesota, while you can also run foul of the law in the latter place by crossing their state lines with a duck on your head. I would reckon that you could bypass the first law by using the duck.

We all know that the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, surrounds himself with short people sometimes, as well as having a custom built lectern with an inbuilt footstool, as he is so sensitive about his lack of inches. It seems that the vanity issue with French leaders goes back quite a few years though, as it is still illegal in that country to name a pig “Napoleon”. It seems that in Switzerland you are not allowed to flush toilets after 10pm, although I presume it’s okay to yodel away to your heart’s content. In Israel, it’s illegal to dress or undress with the light switched on. I’m not sure how I’d get on if I was looking for a pair of matching socks.

Back home, Nick Clegg has asked the public to nominate laws and regulations that they would like to see abolished. There are still so many of them on the Statute Books, but I just picked out a few at random. At the moment , it is illegal to die in the House of Commons, so quite often we can look at Parliament in action on our screens, and are faced with the spectacle of the living dead -- the MPs are obviously sticking to the rules. Of course, you can also be charged if you fail to report a grey squirrel in your garden -- I’m not sure what I’m meant to do if I spot one in my lounge. Then there is the rule stating that you cannot enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State. That’s why it’s always handy to have Willie Hague’s phone number in your wallet or handbag, just in case you were passing the aforementioned vessel, and felt like paying an impromptu visit.

Whilst researching some of the nonsensical trivia above, I decided that my interest from now on should be in current affairs, as I cannot see any future whatsoever in being a historian.