Whilst attending hospital last week, and waiting to see a doctor, I happened to in quite a pleasant waiting room, where an assistant made sure that we had plenty of coffee, tea, juice etc. brought to us; there was also a large plate on a table in front of us with biscuits, shortbread and such, waiting to be scoffed. As I was unable to eat, my attention and eyes tended to wander, and finally alighted on a notice that was fixed to the wall opposite me. It read, “Relatives and friends of patients are not allowed to eat”. There was nothing else -- no qualifying statement -- just those ten words. It seemed that all my poor friends and relations, and indeed, those of other patients, are destined for a future devoid of any sustenance. Of course, it was written in order to deter others from eating the patients’ goodies, but it was badly written, and the writer obviously didn’t bother to read it again before having it printed. I have mentioned stupid laws in a couple of my posts before now, and this incident set me going again, this time having a look at some of the more idiotic laws worldwide.
For instance, you are not allowed to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama, but if you are driving, sighted or unsighted, in Massachusetts, make sure that you do not have a gorilla in the back seat, as that’s a definite no-no. I’m not sure if you’re allowed to have one keeping you company in the front seat or not. Birthday suits seem to be taboo in quite a few places -- for instance, it’s an offence to shower naked in Florida, or to sleep naked in Minnesota, while you can also run foul of the law in the latter place by crossing their state lines with a duck on your head. I would reckon that you could bypass the first law by using the duck.
We all know that the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, surrounds himself with short people sometimes, as well as having a custom built lectern with an inbuilt footstool, as he is so sensitive about his lack of inches. It seems that the vanity issue with French leaders goes back quite a few years though, as it is still illegal in that country to name a pig “Napoleon”. It seems that in Switzerland you are not allowed to flush toilets after 10pm, although I presume it’s okay to yodel away to your heart’s content. In Israel, it’s illegal to dress or undress with the light switched on. I’m not sure how I’d get on if I was looking for a pair of matching socks.
Back home, Nick Clegg has asked the public to nominate laws and regulations that they would like to see abolished. There are still so many of them on the Statute Books, but I just picked out a few at random. At the moment , it is illegal to die in the House of Commons, so quite often we can look at Parliament in action on our screens, and are faced with the spectacle of the living dead -- the MPs are obviously sticking to the rules. Of course, you can also be charged if you fail to report a grey squirrel in your garden -- I’m not sure what I’m meant to do if I spot one in my lounge. Then there is the rule stating that you cannot enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State. That’s why it’s always handy to have Willie Hague’s phone number in your wallet or handbag, just in case you were passing the aforementioned vessel, and felt like paying an impromptu visit.
Whilst researching some of the nonsensical trivia above, I decided that my interest from now on should be in current affairs, as I cannot see any future whatsoever in being a historian.
Monday, 5 July 2010
Monday, 28 June 2010
Starvation Army and England's Woes
As some of my readers might be aware of, I will be in Inverness on and off for the next few months, in order to have some of my bodywork seen to. I have not been able to eat solid foods for a couple of months now, but I have plenty of high energy drinks with which to fill the tank. For that, I am very thankful, especially when I see, or hear about, millions out there who are starving each and every day.
My daily food regime, however, has reminded me of a landlady with whom I stayed in this very city over 20 years ago, when it was still modestly referred to as a town. She is no longer with us – she has passed on, not due to starvation in her case, I might add, although some of her lodgers could easily have become the subjects of obituaries at an early age, because of the lack of proper food on their plates.
If cornflakes were asked for at breakfast time, I think she counted them in to the bowl, and as she could only count up to the number of fingers she had, and the milk seemed to evaporate before it hit the bowl, it meant rather empty stomachs. Well, there was always the ensuing fry-up to look forward to. She had been brought up during the War years, when rations were the norm, and maybe she hadn’t been informed that they had been done away with; that there was plenty of food to be had. Anyway, she used to fill the plate with half an egg, half of a small tomato, a thimbleful of baked beans, some kind of bacon rind, and a slice of see-through black pudding. I did see a gentleman come down to breakfast one morning carrying a pair of binoculars, but it turned out that he was going to use them for bird watching, and not to make it easier for him to find things on the plate. You won’t be surprised to discover that I still blame her for the lack of hairs on my chest.
There was a certain game on in South Africa yesterday where the so called English Lions were thoroughly tamed by their German counterparts. I am not going to gloat about it, but I have to say that some of the English players, throughout the tournament, have been abysmal, and a huge letdown to their fans, most of whom have had to save huge amounts of money over the past 4 years in order to cheer them on. Those players do not think of themselves as footballers anymore, but as celebrities – pulling on their country’s shirt is an irrelevance to them; in fact, an irritation, to be got out of the way as soon as possible, so that they can get on with holidays and with more sponsorship deals. They behaved like adolescents since arriving in South Africa, some of them rebelling against their coach, Capello, and others moaning about being bored in the camp (the best in the place, incidentally). They are simply overpaid, arrogant mediocrities. Meanwhile, Capello has played a blinder, having negotiated a new deal with the FA in the past few weeks which guarantees him millions of pounds even if they sack him today. The FA have again shown themselves to be thoroughly incompetent in having agreed to those terms with him. The media seem to blame everyone, but maybe they should take a hard look at themselves first – they hyped up the players as the “Golden Generation” of English footballers, when “leaden” seems to be a more appropriate adjective.
I suppose I should really thank the players, though, for making it to South Africa, as the amount of emails flooding into my inbox, and texts on to my mobile are sufficient to keep me laughing for the next month or so. Thanks, guys!
My daily food regime, however, has reminded me of a landlady with whom I stayed in this very city over 20 years ago, when it was still modestly referred to as a town. She is no longer with us – she has passed on, not due to starvation in her case, I might add, although some of her lodgers could easily have become the subjects of obituaries at an early age, because of the lack of proper food on their plates.
If cornflakes were asked for at breakfast time, I think she counted them in to the bowl, and as she could only count up to the number of fingers she had, and the milk seemed to evaporate before it hit the bowl, it meant rather empty stomachs. Well, there was always the ensuing fry-up to look forward to. She had been brought up during the War years, when rations were the norm, and maybe she hadn’t been informed that they had been done away with; that there was plenty of food to be had. Anyway, she used to fill the plate with half an egg, half of a small tomato, a thimbleful of baked beans, some kind of bacon rind, and a slice of see-through black pudding. I did see a gentleman come down to breakfast one morning carrying a pair of binoculars, but it turned out that he was going to use them for bird watching, and not to make it easier for him to find things on the plate. You won’t be surprised to discover that I still blame her for the lack of hairs on my chest.
There was a certain game on in South Africa yesterday where the so called English Lions were thoroughly tamed by their German counterparts. I am not going to gloat about it, but I have to say that some of the English players, throughout the tournament, have been abysmal, and a huge letdown to their fans, most of whom have had to save huge amounts of money over the past 4 years in order to cheer them on. Those players do not think of themselves as footballers anymore, but as celebrities – pulling on their country’s shirt is an irrelevance to them; in fact, an irritation, to be got out of the way as soon as possible, so that they can get on with holidays and with more sponsorship deals. They behaved like adolescents since arriving in South Africa, some of them rebelling against their coach, Capello, and others moaning about being bored in the camp (the best in the place, incidentally). They are simply overpaid, arrogant mediocrities. Meanwhile, Capello has played a blinder, having negotiated a new deal with the FA in the past few weeks which guarantees him millions of pounds even if they sack him today. The FA have again shown themselves to be thoroughly incompetent in having agreed to those terms with him. The media seem to blame everyone, but maybe they should take a hard look at themselves first – they hyped up the players as the “Golden Generation” of English footballers, when “leaden” seems to be a more appropriate adjective.
I suppose I should really thank the players, though, for making it to South Africa, as the amount of emails flooding into my inbox, and texts on to my mobile are sufficient to keep me laughing for the next month or so. Thanks, guys!
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Post Election Blues
There have been two things fluctuating every hour in Britain over the past few days – the volcanic dust cloud from Iceland, and the state of talks between the Tories and the LibDems, and Labour and the LibDems. Funny how a Party that came third in the popular vote and in the number of seats, can stop our Parliament from getting on with its business, cause a dip in the money markets, and ultimately even have the final say in which Bills manage to get through the Commons.
In the past couple of hours, Labour seem to have given up their wooing of the LibDems, so we’ll just have to wait and see if they (the LibDems) will crawl under the duvet with the blue brigade. The talks are cloaked in secrecy, making the election of a Pope seem like a school open day. We don’t even have the benefit of smoke being emitted, to give us some idea of how things are going. I suppose the no smoke rule is because they are so worried about the environment. It’s certainly not done me any favours, as I was hoping to make a quick buck out of my not inconsiderable number of peatbanks.
Of course, most Labour top knobs will see this as a blessing in disguise – tough measures have to be taken right from the outset if our economy is to recover, and their hope is that the electorate will clamour for an early election, blaming the other two parties for making us tighten our belts. Gordon Brown’s belongings are exiting Downing Street as I write, leaving another scramble for the leadership of the Labour Party. Many Conservatives do not like the idea of being in a coalition of their party with the Liberal Democrats, and vice-versa. Alex Salmond is bleating over his Cullen Skink that nobody seems to want to make a deal with him. As far as I can see, not many politicians in Britain today care a hoot about the electorate or how to reverse the country’s slide into poverty – all that matters to them is their own inflated egos and bellies.
If you think our politicians are bad, bickering and sniping and taking a couple of days to form a coalition government, then take a look at Taiwan - where legislators have finally passed a controversial law after repeatedly getting into physical fights in parliament over the issue. The controversial legislation - which would open university enrolment to students from the Chinese mainland - has sparked repeated bouts of fisticuffs this year. It finally passed late on Monday after legislators grabbed one another's arms and necks, in a move that is expected to bring the two main rival parties closer together - and not just so they can get more punches in. The new law would allow the admission of up to 2,000 top students every year from China, which claims sovereignty over self-ruled Taiwan. It is intended to help build people-to-people relations after decades of limited contact. But it's raised fears that it will force Taiwanese students out of the system and see them going to offshore universities. 'The Chinese mainland will attract our best students, meaning Taiwan's educational industry will go bankrupt and unemployment will rise,' opposition legislator Tsai Huang-lang said.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine across the Pond sent me the following snippet -- The outer road along Interstate 44 near St. Louis is freshly paved — with asphalt made from recycled swine manure. It is believed to be the first time asphalt has been created from swine manure. Two St. Louis County companies, road contractor Pace Construction Co. and the engineering firm Innoventor, joined together on the project. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported that Innoventor perfected the process of converting the animal waste into a bio-oil used in asphalt binder. Hog producers are optimistic that, if the project works, it will create an additional source of revenue while helping the environment. I don’t think I’d like to be driving on it in one of their sweltering hot summers, somehow.
In the past couple of hours, Labour seem to have given up their wooing of the LibDems, so we’ll just have to wait and see if they (the LibDems) will crawl under the duvet with the blue brigade. The talks are cloaked in secrecy, making the election of a Pope seem like a school open day. We don’t even have the benefit of smoke being emitted, to give us some idea of how things are going. I suppose the no smoke rule is because they are so worried about the environment. It’s certainly not done me any favours, as I was hoping to make a quick buck out of my not inconsiderable number of peatbanks.
Of course, most Labour top knobs will see this as a blessing in disguise – tough measures have to be taken right from the outset if our economy is to recover, and their hope is that the electorate will clamour for an early election, blaming the other two parties for making us tighten our belts. Gordon Brown’s belongings are exiting Downing Street as I write, leaving another scramble for the leadership of the Labour Party. Many Conservatives do not like the idea of being in a coalition of their party with the Liberal Democrats, and vice-versa. Alex Salmond is bleating over his Cullen Skink that nobody seems to want to make a deal with him. As far as I can see, not many politicians in Britain today care a hoot about the electorate or how to reverse the country’s slide into poverty – all that matters to them is their own inflated egos and bellies.
If you think our politicians are bad, bickering and sniping and taking a couple of days to form a coalition government, then take a look at Taiwan - where legislators have finally passed a controversial law after repeatedly getting into physical fights in parliament over the issue. The controversial legislation - which would open university enrolment to students from the Chinese mainland - has sparked repeated bouts of fisticuffs this year. It finally passed late on Monday after legislators grabbed one another's arms and necks, in a move that is expected to bring the two main rival parties closer together - and not just so they can get more punches in. The new law would allow the admission of up to 2,000 top students every year from China, which claims sovereignty over self-ruled Taiwan. It is intended to help build people-to-people relations after decades of limited contact. But it's raised fears that it will force Taiwanese students out of the system and see them going to offshore universities. 'The Chinese mainland will attract our best students, meaning Taiwan's educational industry will go bankrupt and unemployment will rise,' opposition legislator Tsai Huang-lang said.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine across the Pond sent me the following snippet -- The outer road along Interstate 44 near St. Louis is freshly paved — with asphalt made from recycled swine manure. It is believed to be the first time asphalt has been created from swine manure. Two St. Louis County companies, road contractor Pace Construction Co. and the engineering firm Innoventor, joined together on the project. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported that Innoventor perfected the process of converting the animal waste into a bio-oil used in asphalt binder. Hog producers are optimistic that, if the project works, it will create an additional source of revenue while helping the environment. I don’t think I’d like to be driving on it in one of their sweltering hot summers, somehow.
Friday, 7 May 2010
2010 General Election
Well, that’s another General Election out of the way, and Britain seems to be in an even worse state than it was beforehand, if that indeed were possible. We have a hung Parliament, which is certainly not what the country needs at this moment.
Gordon Brown is still the Prime Minister, although not an elected one. Since becoming the Labour leader, there have been a couple of attempts to oust him, but those have fizzled out, although another attempted coup could be in the offing in the next few weeks. David Cameron, after becoming head of the Conservatives, reckoned that they should try and modernise their image if they really wanted to govern the country – well, they did change tack, and have won the most votes in the election, but not enough seats to give them a majority in the Commons. Some Tories will no doubt be wondering if he really is the man to be in charge of the Party. Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats might have come out on top in the leaders’ debates which were televised over the past few weeks, but that popularity wasn’t translated into votes last night, which means that the media might have been impressed with his appearances, but the majority of the electorate weren’t. Again, how happy are the rank and file going to be with his leadership, and overall campaign strategy?
I would suggest that what is needed in Britain today is a leader, in whichever party, who has some moral fibre, and who can gather around him a team of advisors who want to be there for the overall good of the country, and not to boost their own egos and bank balances. In all successful organisations, there are competent leaders – take some successful football clubs as just one example. Think of Celtic, Liverpool, Manchester United – all very successful clubs while there was an able man at the helm. They had Jock Stein, Bill Shankley, Alex Ferguson respectively – men who surrounded themselves with good coaches, and player who worked together as a TEAM, which is very important.
Our democracy in Britain has proved to be one of the best forms of government over the years, but it stops being democratic when bills are being forced through by applying the party whip, when individual members are forced to toe the party line, often against their own wishes or beliefs, and especially their constituents’ wishes. Each member is elected by his constituents, and to serve them properly, he/she should vote according to the way that the majority of them would want him/her to vote. There is also a strong case to be made for proportional representation, as the number of seats that the Liberal Democrats manage to get are ridiculously low compared to the number of votes cast for them nationwide. I recall someone saying that the best form of government was dictatorship, combined with assassination for any dissenters, but fortunately we in the UK are rather more refined than that – so far.
On a lighter note, I’ve had a look a look at what some of the party leaders gorged themselves on, particularly at election time. In the 2 weeks leading up to the big day, Margaret Thatcher went in search of chooks, and ate 28 eggs a week, while Gordon Brown demolished 9 bananas a day, to make up for cutting KitKats and fizzy drinks out of his diet. Harold Wilson loved to cover his food with Worcestershire Sauce, but decided to be photographed with HP Sauce instead, so that he could be more readily identified as being one of the masses. Mind you, he’s the only man in the last 100 years to have won 4 General Elections, so there’s something to be said for carrying a bottle of it in the hip pocket. Winston Churchill, of course, preferred liquid sustenance, especially brandy and champagne, which he took every day, sometimes as early as breakfast time.
I’m now feeling peckish, so it’s down to the kitchen for HP covered eggs, followed by a couple of bananas, washed down by some sparkling wine – non-alcoholic, of course, as I’m waiting patiently for a call from No 10, so as to give the new incumbent some tips on cooking haggis and sheep's head broth.
Gordon Brown is still the Prime Minister, although not an elected one. Since becoming the Labour leader, there have been a couple of attempts to oust him, but those have fizzled out, although another attempted coup could be in the offing in the next few weeks. David Cameron, after becoming head of the Conservatives, reckoned that they should try and modernise their image if they really wanted to govern the country – well, they did change tack, and have won the most votes in the election, but not enough seats to give them a majority in the Commons. Some Tories will no doubt be wondering if he really is the man to be in charge of the Party. Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats might have come out on top in the leaders’ debates which were televised over the past few weeks, but that popularity wasn’t translated into votes last night, which means that the media might have been impressed with his appearances, but the majority of the electorate weren’t. Again, how happy are the rank and file going to be with his leadership, and overall campaign strategy?
I would suggest that what is needed in Britain today is a leader, in whichever party, who has some moral fibre, and who can gather around him a team of advisors who want to be there for the overall good of the country, and not to boost their own egos and bank balances. In all successful organisations, there are competent leaders – take some successful football clubs as just one example. Think of Celtic, Liverpool, Manchester United – all very successful clubs while there was an able man at the helm. They had Jock Stein, Bill Shankley, Alex Ferguson respectively – men who surrounded themselves with good coaches, and player who worked together as a TEAM, which is very important.
Our democracy in Britain has proved to be one of the best forms of government over the years, but it stops being democratic when bills are being forced through by applying the party whip, when individual members are forced to toe the party line, often against their own wishes or beliefs, and especially their constituents’ wishes. Each member is elected by his constituents, and to serve them properly, he/she should vote according to the way that the majority of them would want him/her to vote. There is also a strong case to be made for proportional representation, as the number of seats that the Liberal Democrats manage to get are ridiculously low compared to the number of votes cast for them nationwide. I recall someone saying that the best form of government was dictatorship, combined with assassination for any dissenters, but fortunately we in the UK are rather more refined than that – so far.
On a lighter note, I’ve had a look a look at what some of the party leaders gorged themselves on, particularly at election time. In the 2 weeks leading up to the big day, Margaret Thatcher went in search of chooks, and ate 28 eggs a week, while Gordon Brown demolished 9 bananas a day, to make up for cutting KitKats and fizzy drinks out of his diet. Harold Wilson loved to cover his food with Worcestershire Sauce, but decided to be photographed with HP Sauce instead, so that he could be more readily identified as being one of the masses. Mind you, he’s the only man in the last 100 years to have won 4 General Elections, so there’s something to be said for carrying a bottle of it in the hip pocket. Winston Churchill, of course, preferred liquid sustenance, especially brandy and champagne, which he took every day, sometimes as early as breakfast time.
I’m now feeling peckish, so it’s down to the kitchen for HP covered eggs, followed by a couple of bananas, washed down by some sparkling wine – non-alcoholic, of course, as I’m waiting patiently for a call from No 10, so as to give the new incumbent some tips on cooking haggis and sheep's head broth.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Council Mayhem in Western Isles
I am fed up of seeing Tweedledee, Tweedledum, and Tweedledem, those three bears who are trying to get their paws into the No 10 honeypot, staring at me from every newspaper that I look at, and from my seven television sets. I’ve decided therefore to give all that a miss on this pre-election day, and have a quick peek at what the honourable members of my local Council have been up to lately.
7 miles south of where I live, I see that they are constructing a footpath between the villages of Newmarket and Tong. Very admirable in normal circumstances, especially if folk actually walked along that route. However, in over 50 years of travelling on that road, I reckon that I’ve seen the grand average of six humans perambulating there per year. Of course, they might be using it during the night, whilst I’m dreaming of the best way to cook poached salmon. Admittedly, numbers of red deer have taken to frequenting the area over the past year, and maybe it’s meant to be for their convenience.
Two miles further down the road, and I come to a standstill at the infamous Laxdale Bridge. Probably built with leftover stones from Hadrian’s Wall, it is still single track, causing huge tailbacks from the north in the early mornings, when folk are trying to get to work, and from the south in the afternoons, when the same people are trying to rush home for their curried mince and tatties or gugas, as the case might be. The problem caused by this bridge has been discussed countless times by succeeding councils, but nothing has been actually done about it. There is talk at the moment of installing traffic lights, but that will not solve the problem – only a widening of the bridge to accommodate two lanes would seem to be the only rational solution. It seems that Scottish National Heritage, or some such group, has the bridge listed as being of special interest or something, but I’ve yet to spot any bridge twitchers, complete with binoculars or cameras, in the vicinity.
In the main town, Stornoway, work has begun on demolishing one of the car parks there, despite the fact that there haven’t been enough parking spaces for a number of years now. The public toilets there have also been shut, with the Council telling us that we can use the ones in the bus station. Unfortunately, that closes at 6pm, so that means we have to run a tight ship as far as our toilet needs are concerned. It seems that the former car park area is to be used as a focal point for the area, complete with bandstand. Now, my regular readers will be aware of the fact that I started to learn playing the fiddle last November, but there was really no need for them (the Council) to push out the boat for me in this manner.
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that a certain firm, who are recruiting staff for work to be done online from home, have placed an intriguing advertisement in my local paper. The pay is not actually much more than the National Minimum Wage, but they DO state that workers will have the added benefits of no travel, food, or clothing expenses. The ‘no travel’ part of that is true enough, but are workers expected to sit naked at their computers whilst starving as well? I don’t think I’ll be phoning for an application form, somehow.
7 miles south of where I live, I see that they are constructing a footpath between the villages of Newmarket and Tong. Very admirable in normal circumstances, especially if folk actually walked along that route. However, in over 50 years of travelling on that road, I reckon that I’ve seen the grand average of six humans perambulating there per year. Of course, they might be using it during the night, whilst I’m dreaming of the best way to cook poached salmon. Admittedly, numbers of red deer have taken to frequenting the area over the past year, and maybe it’s meant to be for their convenience.
Two miles further down the road, and I come to a standstill at the infamous Laxdale Bridge. Probably built with leftover stones from Hadrian’s Wall, it is still single track, causing huge tailbacks from the north in the early mornings, when folk are trying to get to work, and from the south in the afternoons, when the same people are trying to rush home for their curried mince and tatties or gugas, as the case might be. The problem caused by this bridge has been discussed countless times by succeeding councils, but nothing has been actually done about it. There is talk at the moment of installing traffic lights, but that will not solve the problem – only a widening of the bridge to accommodate two lanes would seem to be the only rational solution. It seems that Scottish National Heritage, or some such group, has the bridge listed as being of special interest or something, but I’ve yet to spot any bridge twitchers, complete with binoculars or cameras, in the vicinity.
In the main town, Stornoway, work has begun on demolishing one of the car parks there, despite the fact that there haven’t been enough parking spaces for a number of years now. The public toilets there have also been shut, with the Council telling us that we can use the ones in the bus station. Unfortunately, that closes at 6pm, so that means we have to run a tight ship as far as our toilet needs are concerned. It seems that the former car park area is to be used as a focal point for the area, complete with bandstand. Now, my regular readers will be aware of the fact that I started to learn playing the fiddle last November, but there was really no need for them (the Council) to push out the boat for me in this manner.
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that a certain firm, who are recruiting staff for work to be done online from home, have placed an intriguing advertisement in my local paper. The pay is not actually much more than the National Minimum Wage, but they DO state that workers will have the added benefits of no travel, food, or clothing expenses. The ‘no travel’ part of that is true enough, but are workers expected to sit naked at their computers whilst starving as well? I don’t think I’ll be phoning for an application form, somehow.
Thursday, 15 April 2010
Election, Golf, and Dolphins
Having been off the planet for a few weeks, I thought I’d come back to earth, and find out that politics had disappeared off the front pages. Alas, I soon realized that my hope was misplaced, given that a General Election has been called for next month, with thousands of aspiring pocket liners advising us on where to scribble our crosses. Lampposts, signposts, and even scratching posts, are covered in leaflets bearing the different parties’ names – so much for helping the environment, given the waste of paper involved. Do those who go around sticking up those works of art really imagine that I am going to be swayed by how many they’ve managed to put up, or by how high up a poster has been placed? I had a phone call on Tuesday night from a canvasser, informing me of how useless our sitting MP has been over the past few years, but she neglected to tell me what miracles HER candidate was going to perform in order to brighten up my existence. As I was trying to watch some football at the time, I wasn’t too amused with her rantings, so I gently told her that I liked planting XXXXXs on an attractive female’s lips, but that she need not apply.
Whilst I was away, I attended my nephew’s wedding, in the lovely town of Troon, famous for its golf courses and ice cream. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to sample either of those delights – the ice cream would have played havoc with my aftershave, and the golf was ... well ... too expensive. The marriage ceremony and wedding went off without a hitch, the reception being in a very nice hotel, with spacious grounds. We had excellent food and service, but unfortunately my ferric levels dropped alarmingly, as there was no Irn-Bru to be found on the premises. I suppose there was some consolation to be found in the array of beautiful females there, mostly from the Highlands and Islands of Scotland. Wha’s like them? If Tiger Woods had been in town having a round of golf, even he would have been put off his stroke.
Exercise Joint Warrior, the biggest training operation of its kind in Europe, kicked of last Monday. It takes place twice a year, and is held around the Clyde, the Western Isles, and Cape Wrath in Sutherland, with 11 countries being involved in the present one. The Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society (WDCS) are present as well, of course, in order to monitor the effect of the exercise on marine life. It must be rather difficult for them to assess properly, as they are land based, although they have managed to come up with the fact that research on a population of minke whales that appear off the west coast in the summer showed that the number of animals fell during each exercise, suggesting that they disappeared whilst it was being carried out. Of course they do – they’re not daft, and have no intention of being blown to bits by a rogue torpedo. By the way, if you’re walking around those coasts this week, and think you’ve spotted a bottlenose dolphin, do not be surprised to hear someone calling, “Bonjour, Monsieur”, as it will just be a French submarine up for a breather.
I see that our very own snowy owl has returned to the Hebrides this year in its continuing search for a female companion. It has been visiting most of the islands, including St Kilda, for the past 7 years, and although it was joined by another owl of the same species in 2008, hopes of a happy ending were dashed when it emerged that it was another male, presumably with the same idea of finding a mate. I suppose they’ll have to move with technology, and start using an online service, such as “Feathered Fling”.
Whilst I was away, I attended my nephew’s wedding, in the lovely town of Troon, famous for its golf courses and ice cream. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to sample either of those delights – the ice cream would have played havoc with my aftershave, and the golf was ... well ... too expensive. The marriage ceremony and wedding went off without a hitch, the reception being in a very nice hotel, with spacious grounds. We had excellent food and service, but unfortunately my ferric levels dropped alarmingly, as there was no Irn-Bru to be found on the premises. I suppose there was some consolation to be found in the array of beautiful females there, mostly from the Highlands and Islands of Scotland. Wha’s like them? If Tiger Woods had been in town having a round of golf, even he would have been put off his stroke.
Exercise Joint Warrior, the biggest training operation of its kind in Europe, kicked of last Monday. It takes place twice a year, and is held around the Clyde, the Western Isles, and Cape Wrath in Sutherland, with 11 countries being involved in the present one. The Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society (WDCS) are present as well, of course, in order to monitor the effect of the exercise on marine life. It must be rather difficult for them to assess properly, as they are land based, although they have managed to come up with the fact that research on a population of minke whales that appear off the west coast in the summer showed that the number of animals fell during each exercise, suggesting that they disappeared whilst it was being carried out. Of course they do – they’re not daft, and have no intention of being blown to bits by a rogue torpedo. By the way, if you’re walking around those coasts this week, and think you’ve spotted a bottlenose dolphin, do not be surprised to hear someone calling, “Bonjour, Monsieur”, as it will just be a French submarine up for a breather.
I see that our very own snowy owl has returned to the Hebrides this year in its continuing search for a female companion. It has been visiting most of the islands, including St Kilda, for the past 7 years, and although it was joined by another owl of the same species in 2008, hopes of a happy ending were dashed when it emerged that it was another male, presumably with the same idea of finding a mate. I suppose they’ll have to move with technology, and start using an online service, such as “Feathered Fling”.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Brown Bullying and Holyrood Unrest
Another week, another shambles in what’s called the Mother of Parliaments. This time, Our Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, is labelled a bully in a book written by political commentator Andrew Rawnsley. In it, he alleges that Cabinet Secretary Sir Gus O’Donnell had to take the Prime Minister aside and urge him to curb his ‘volcanic temper’. The founder of the National Bullying Helpline, Christine Pratt, then said it had received three or four calls in the last 18 months from people working with the Prime Minister. During the past 48 hours, we’ve had claims and counter claims, and the only thing that seems certain is that quite a few folk in high office are lying – they certainly all cannot be telling the truth.
Meanwhile, north of the border, mayhem seems to rule as well. Scottish Enterprise, that job creation quango, is to spend more than £100,000 of taxpayers’ money on a ‘staff team building’ exercise, which will involve flying workers to Glasgow from offices in Moscow, New York, Hong Kong and other cities. What they are actually meant to be doing in those locations is anyone’s guess. Nationalist MSP Bill Kidd rightly pointed out that “it sounds like a junket.” Alas, he forgot to make any mention of his own party’s intention of hiring a special ‘tsar’ to oversee the independence referendum that his leader, Alex Salmond, is so intent on having. That exercise will only cost the taxpayer a mere £2 million, after all.
Two Labour and two Conservative MSPs have announced that they are to stand in the forthcoming Westminster election, whilst holding on to their seats in Holyrood as well. Again, Bill Kidd has gone on the offensive – he’s a very busy fellow – saying that it’s completely wrong for them to stand for election to both centres of government. Has he forgotten that the only person who holds a seat in both Parliaments at present is his own leader, Alex Salmond? No, he hasn’t, it seems. It WAS okay for Mr Salmond, he reckons, as he informed his constituents in the 2005 and 2007 elections that he was seeking a dual mandate. Sheer hypocrisy! In effect, it’s a case of doing two jobs on a part time basis, whilst pocketing two full time wage packets. Maybe, just maybe, their respective electorates will decide that they are not worthy of representing them either in Scotland or in the UK. I assume they all know how to use a pen, as it’s needed when paying the weekly visit to the Job Centre.
Despite the dire state of the economy, with inflation and unemployment rising, the Scottish Executive seems to be just as interested in the health of pet rabbits at the moment. It is launching a consultation which ‘seeks views on the draft code of practice for the welfare of rabbits which is designed to be a practical guide for owners and keepers of rabbits, but does not cover ‘rabbits which are farmed for food’. I think that if I had a pet bunny, and wanted some practical advice on how to look after it, I would get a good book on the subject, and not look up some Government website for it. The SNP are not the only party to blame for coming up with those daft ideas though – in 2006, it was revealed that there had been on average one new law or regulation every day since the Holyrood parliament came into being, so the Labour-LibDem coalition were at it as well. Some were plain stupid, such as the ban on mink farms, when there none in Scotland. The reasoning given, if I remember rightly, was that someone might want to start one, so it was better to have the ban in place. If someone leaks the story about the large pet in my garden, I’m sure they’ll soon have a law in place banning elephant farms as well.
I heard yesterday that the drug manufacturer Eli Lilly, which makes Prozac, the human anti-depressant, has come up with a form of the pill, called Reconcile, for our canine friends. In fact, it has already been approved for sale to British pet owners. The tablet is said to help cure ‘canine compulsive disorder’ and ‘separation anxiety’ brought on by owners’ long absences during the day. Symptoms are said to include whimpering, poor behaviour, and tail chasing. What utter tripe! The poor dogs are being ‘labelled’ or ‘diagnosed’ with illnesses, just so that drugs can be marketed to supposedly treat them. I would hope that dog owners in Britain would give those pills a wide berth – a large juicy bone from the butcher down the road has been known to keep der Hund very happy for quite a while.
bullying, dogs, Holyrood, rabbits, Westminster
Meanwhile, north of the border, mayhem seems to rule as well. Scottish Enterprise, that job creation quango, is to spend more than £100,000 of taxpayers’ money on a ‘staff team building’ exercise, which will involve flying workers to Glasgow from offices in Moscow, New York, Hong Kong and other cities. What they are actually meant to be doing in those locations is anyone’s guess. Nationalist MSP Bill Kidd rightly pointed out that “it sounds like a junket.” Alas, he forgot to make any mention of his own party’s intention of hiring a special ‘tsar’ to oversee the independence referendum that his leader, Alex Salmond, is so intent on having. That exercise will only cost the taxpayer a mere £2 million, after all.
Two Labour and two Conservative MSPs have announced that they are to stand in the forthcoming Westminster election, whilst holding on to their seats in Holyrood as well. Again, Bill Kidd has gone on the offensive – he’s a very busy fellow – saying that it’s completely wrong for them to stand for election to both centres of government. Has he forgotten that the only person who holds a seat in both Parliaments at present is his own leader, Alex Salmond? No, he hasn’t, it seems. It WAS okay for Mr Salmond, he reckons, as he informed his constituents in the 2005 and 2007 elections that he was seeking a dual mandate. Sheer hypocrisy! In effect, it’s a case of doing two jobs on a part time basis, whilst pocketing two full time wage packets. Maybe, just maybe, their respective electorates will decide that they are not worthy of representing them either in Scotland or in the UK. I assume they all know how to use a pen, as it’s needed when paying the weekly visit to the Job Centre.
Despite the dire state of the economy, with inflation and unemployment rising, the Scottish Executive seems to be just as interested in the health of pet rabbits at the moment. It is launching a consultation which ‘seeks views on the draft code of practice for the welfare of rabbits which is designed to be a practical guide for owners and keepers of rabbits, but does not cover ‘rabbits which are farmed for food’. I think that if I had a pet bunny, and wanted some practical advice on how to look after it, I would get a good book on the subject, and not look up some Government website for it. The SNP are not the only party to blame for coming up with those daft ideas though – in 2006, it was revealed that there had been on average one new law or regulation every day since the Holyrood parliament came into being, so the Labour-LibDem coalition were at it as well. Some were plain stupid, such as the ban on mink farms, when there none in Scotland. The reasoning given, if I remember rightly, was that someone might want to start one, so it was better to have the ban in place. If someone leaks the story about the large pet in my garden, I’m sure they’ll soon have a law in place banning elephant farms as well.
I heard yesterday that the drug manufacturer Eli Lilly, which makes Prozac, the human anti-depressant, has come up with a form of the pill, called Reconcile, for our canine friends. In fact, it has already been approved for sale to British pet owners. The tablet is said to help cure ‘canine compulsive disorder’ and ‘separation anxiety’ brought on by owners’ long absences during the day. Symptoms are said to include whimpering, poor behaviour, and tail chasing. What utter tripe! The poor dogs are being ‘labelled’ or ‘diagnosed’ with illnesses, just so that drugs can be marketed to supposedly treat them. I would hope that dog owners in Britain would give those pills a wide berth – a large juicy bone from the butcher down the road has been known to keep der Hund very happy for quite a while.
bullying, dogs, Holyrood, rabbits, Westminster
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