The Wrong Amount of Sleep

The ballot for the leadership of the Labour Party began last week, but with 5 MPs up for election, including the 2 Milliband brothers, it seems pretty low key. Even the press, who usually have their finger on the public pulse, seem to think so, as they don’t seem to use up many column inches regarding it. The Party would expect about 60-80% of the postal ballot papers to be filled in, going by past elections, but of course, the fact that Tony Blair’s biography, “A Journey” was released last week as well might have a bearing on how fast folk will fill in their papers, who they will vote for, or indeed, if they will bother to scribble their Xs. His book was below 50th place in Amazon’s bestseller list a fortnight ago, but has moved into 7th place since it was announced that proceeds from the book will be given to the Royal British Legion. I’m not sure who the guru was who persuaded him to give up that lovely dosh, but it was a shrewd move, as he certainly didn’t want to be embarrassed by being a former PM whose books were being used for other purposes, rather than for being perused by us, the gullible British public. My heart bleeds for poor Cherie, thinking of all the outfits and makeovers that she’ll miss out on, because of the hardship. It is hard to believe that the following quote came from his lips – “Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war.”

The former British Prime Minister, started promisingly enough, but his abiding legacy after his ten years of leadership was probably going to War in Iraq. The day he resigned as Prime Minister he also gave up being an MP (never having liked the House of Commons or Britain anyway hence spending most of his time as leader abroad or covering foreign matters) and was appointed, perhaps ironically, a peace envoy. The mind boggles. When he went to Dublin last Saturday, he was pelted with shoes and eggs, and he has now cancelled another book signing which was due to take place in a branch of Waterstone's in London on Wednesday. The man responsible for sending our troops to the frontline is evidently scared of being faced with a few protesters. Maybe something is finally beginning to register up top.

Further north, and the equally silver tongued Alex Salmond has given up on the idea of tabling a bill on an independence referendum before the next election, despite his repeated promises over the past three and a half years. The usual bullish Mr Salmond seems to have lost his nerve this time – in fact, he looks as if he's emulated the Grand Old Duke of York, who marched his men to the top of the hill, only to march them down again. Mr Salmond says that independence will be the central theme of the Nationalists' electoral campaign. In other words, the election would effectively act as the referendum that he has ditched because he knew that the SNP would lose it. That seems like a very warped way of thinking to me. Of course, if Labour grab power next May, then it will be open warfare between Edinburgh and London, that is while the Coalition parties are running Westminster. There is some cooperation between them and Salmond, but there would probably be no proper dialogue between a governing Labour Party in Scotland and Cameron.

David Cameron, the Tory leader, and of course, new dad, seems to have some rather odd bedfellows besides his good lady, Samantha. He entered into a coalition with the LibDems, which looks to be on shaky ground at times, and some of his close aides seem to attract trouble, including Andy Coulson, Downing Street's head of communications, and who used to be the editor of the “News of the World” at the time its reporters were allegedly hacking into the mobile phone messages of celebrities and members of the Royal Family. Many a better man than Mr Cameron have been forced out of office because of those they trusted to have around them.

On a lighter note, I see that scientists are at it again in the great sleep debate. I remember reading that Maggie Thatcher got by with 5 hours sleep, but for most people that amount of sleep could present a serious hazard to the heart, along with helping to bring on other ailments, such as colds, obesity, dementia, and some types of cancer. I hasten to add that the so called sleep experts do not recommend a certain amount of sleep time for us all, but that there is a certain amount of time that is most beneficial for each individual. One such expert, Professor Jim Horne of Loughborough University, claims that one of the most effective ways of getting off to sleep is to do a jigsaw. Well, I find it difficult to work with a jigsaw on a completely flat surface, so to try to fit the pieces while it is perched on my knobbly knees seems to be a non-starter. I wonder if he recommends jigsaws with sheep in the picture, or did he just have a bad dream.

Beds, Sleep, and Snails

I was fascinated to learn from the Professor (sorry, cannot reveal his name), that on average, women blink nearly twice as much as men. So fellows, if you think that a woman is interested in doing some linking with you by winking, when she’s actually blinking, it’s maybe time for some rational thinking, or better still, a splash of cold water.

I’ve been of the opinion for a while now that we need more than 365 days in the year, to accommodate all those special anniversaries that seem to be created. There's Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Patron Saint’s Day, Pet’s Day, Organic Bin Day – the only one that will be missing soon for many will be Payday. If one you’d like to commemorate isn’t there, just create it, get someone to write a stupid rhyme, and hey presto, you’re sitting on a goldmine. I  remember when I was younger that we got cards at Christmas time, and of course, on Valentine’s Day, when the postman had to make two deliveries to our humble abode. I had to actually change my name because of it, as my father carried the same name as my good self, and this was the only day of the year that he seemed to be interested in the postie’s offerings.

I was reminded of all that after reading today that this is National Bed Month – yes, all sorts of things are being commemorated during each month as well. I was intrigued by this one – does it mean that we only use our beds during March, and kip down elsewhere for the rest of the year? There is even a Sleep Council (not Members of the House of Lords, as I thought at first), who have launched two online videos to show people how they can get sleep fit. In the article that I read, reasons are given for buying a new bed NOW. It seems that getting a good night’s sleep is more important than ever because of all the worries and concerns we have during this economic downturn, it wards off illnesses and mental challenges we might be experiencing, and BECAUSE of the lack of money, we will not be going out so much, so it follows that we’ll be spending more time than ever in bed. What utter bunkum!

They carry on by telling us that a new bed is one of the best investments that we can make for our health and wellbeing, at a cost of 15 pence per night, assuming that the bed would last 7 years. They further tell us that this is about 2 pence per person per night. If my arithmetic is correct, this means that seven and a half people are using the bed, which must mean a poor family sharing, or maybe a swingers’ paradise. I’m not very sure about the half bit. I’ll probably have nightmares about it whilst I try to make myself comfortable on the straw in the barn.

I nearly forgot another snippet of information that was supplied to me by the Prof., and which seems to be at odds with what the above mentioned Council would have us believe about the benefits of more sleep. It’s a well known fact, he assured me, that a snail can sleep for up to three years, but there’s nothing to suggest that it’s any fitter after that period than it was beforehand. After they’ve had their breakfast of decayed lettuce or cabbage, they amble out into the sunshine at the same leisurely pace as a senior citizen on his way to collect his pension.