Britain's Politicians' Expenses

A list of the allowances and expenses claimed in 2007-8 details for the first time how much each MP was reimbursed for family travel costs, amounting to £385,242 for wives,  and £75,819 for children. Alistair Darling, the Chancellor, was the second highest claimant for family travel, charging £5,283 for 30 journeys made by his wife Margaret and £4,391 for the couple's two children, a total of £9,674. Current parliamentary rules state that MPs may claim for up to 30 journeys made by their spouse or civil partner and each child under the age of 18 between London and their constituency. The allowance is taxable, but there is no set limit on how much can be claimed for each journey. Taxpayer-funded trips for the wives of MPs have proved hugely controversial in the past. Michael Martin, the Speaker, came under fire earlier this year when it was revealed that his wife Mary accompanied him on visits to such exotic destinations as Hawaii, the Bahamas, New York and Rome, even though she has no official role.

 

 After months of refusals, the House of Commons has published detailed expenses claims for members including Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Tony Blair. More than 400 pages of Commons documents released on Friday disclosed that Mr Brown claimed £9,000 to have his kitchen refurbished in 2005. In common with other senior ministers, Mr Brown claimed public money for a second home even though he is provided with a grace-and-favour home in Downing Street. When he was Chancellor, Mr Brown also made claims including £372 on subscription fees for satellite television; £723 for “cleaning services”; £650 on food; and £1,396 for painting and decorating. Mr Brown also claimed £15 for lightbulbs. With hindsight, perhaps he should have had more installed, as he looks very much like a man who is floundering about in the dark.

 

Tony Blair, who stepped down as an MP last year, claimed £11,200 for a new kitchen in his constituency home in Sedgefield. For the same house, he spent £516 on new dishwasher and £50 on servicing an Aga. The list goes on…and on… but I’m sure you get the gist. Taxpayers should not be made to pay for Gordon Brown’s Sky TV subscription or Tony Blair’s £10,000 kitchen. Given the economic climate and the fact that everyone’s feeling poorer, it’s high time MPs reined in the amounts they claim for.  It is costly for taxpayers and harmful to the standing of Parliament for them to use expenses to live this kind of high life.

The Commons authorities have been working flat out to prepare around a million receipts filed by MPs for publication, after losing a long-running freedom of information battle to keep them secret. The process is due to cost taxpayers around £2million. The documents have now started circulating to MPs for them to check and make representations on which parts should be deleted for security and other reasons. They are expected to prove damaging to many MPs when they are published this autumn. However, it seems that somebody with access to them is willing to part with them for a couple of hundred thousand pounds.

 

A senior Labour MP, Sir Stuart Bell, has revealed a parliamentary committee is investigating how the expense accounts of the politicians were on offer for up to £300,000. He is quoted as saying, “It’s probably a breach of the Official Secrets Act. It may be a theft, but we will get to the bottom of it. In the public interest, by the way.”   Right, Sir Stuart – we believe you!

Madonna, Dunfermline Building Society, and the Perfect Penalty

So Madonna is in Malawi again, this time trying to adopt another child, Mercy James, as a sister for David Banda, who she adopted from the same country in 2006. She will today go to court to apply to adopt Mercy — despite the tot’s grandmother slamming the move as “stealing” and human rights groups complaining it is unlawful. It seems that Madge, 50, has recruited Malawi’s highest-ranking politicians to help clinch the controversial adoption. I wonder how much they get out of the deal.

 The singer caused a major outcry after the adoption of son David. More than 50 human rights groups tried to block the move, saying she had used her celebrity status to get around Malawi’s adoption laws. Dominic Nutt, of the charity, “Save the Children”, said: “People like her are looking for the most beautiful child. They wouldn’t choose a child with a disability. It doesn’t help to take one child out of an orphanage to a palace and buy them a pony.”

Some people argue that Madonna’s heart is in the right place, taking a child out of one of the many orphanages in Malawi, which are reputed to be horrendous places, but surely she could spend some of her massive wealth in having improvements carried out to those homes, thus ensuring a better life for all the youngsters there.

 

It has been announced this morning that the “Nationwide” is to take over the more profitable areas of the “Dunfermline Building Society”, a move hurriedly rushed through by the Government. The society, based in Gordon Brown’s Fife heartland, is expected to be broken up today with its profitable savings arm bought by a high street bank or building society, making it the latest in a series of failed British lenders

DUNFERMLINE Building Society boss Jim Faulds last night accused the Government of "wasting" the historic business. As the City geared up for the announcement of the society's new owners today, chairman Faulds insisted ministers could have helped bosses to keep it as a going concern. And he labelled the decision to seek a new owner "a needless waste of a first-class Scottish institution". Faulds said that management had been working for six months to try to save the Dunfermline, adding: "We have failed ... because we cannot get the faceless mandarins in London, who will not speak to us, to sit round the table and see we have a sustainable future." 

There was no bailout on offer this time, and it looks as if Mr Brown and his Government cohorts in London are simply trying to further sour the relations between themselves and the Scottish Parliament. It could of course backfire, as thousands of voters begin to realise just what a shallow and incompetent Prime Minister that Britain has.

I’ve had a go at scientists a few times in this blog, and today is no exception. It seems that the research team at Liverpool John Moores University have come up with the formula for the perfect penalty, and have made their recommendations after studying footage from Sky Sports' high definition cameras installed at the back of goal nets. 

Ideally the ball should pass exactly half a metre (just under two feet) under the crossbar and inside  either one of the goalposts, they found. The player should approach the ball at an angle of 20 to 30 degrees. The ball should also be hit at a speed of at least 65 miles per hour. This is deemed to be the high risk perfect penalty – the low risk one would be to hit it at the same speed, again aiming for half a metre inside one of the goalposts, but this time on the ground. Penalty takers are also advised to make the goalie think that the ball is going towards his right post say, but to swivel the body at the last moment, and shoot towards the left one. 

During the last World Cup, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, and Jamie Carragher all messed up their penalty kicks against Portugal, but somehow I don’t envisage them, or any other players, having a scrap of paper with the above instructions tucked into their shorts.      

Fox show mocks Canadian Military

The host of a Fox News program has apologized for a segment on the Canadian military that Defence Minister Peter MacKay called "disgusting" and "crass." A group of pundits on "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld," which airs weekdays at 3 a.m. on Fox News, each took turns trashing Canada and its military during an episode that aired on March 17.

"Once their Afghan mission winds down sometime in 2011, certain members of the Canadian military are looking to take a much-deserved break. And by certain members I mean all of them," Gutfeld said. "Meaning, the Canadian military wants to take a breather to do some yoga, paint landscapes, run on the beach in gorgeous white Capri pants."

In the four-minute segment, Gutfeld asked the other three members of his panel: "Isn't this the perfect time to invade this ridiculous country? They have no army!"

Canadian Defence Minister Peter MacKay expressed his anger over the comments and demanded an apology. "It's crass, it's insensitive, it's in fact disgusting given the timing where Canada is just receiving back four fallen heroes here at CFB Trenton," MacKay said. "There should be an apology -- to the families in particular, and to the Canadian Forces and to Canada generally -- given the sacrifice and the commitment that we've demonstrated in Afghanistan."

The host tried to defend his programme, adding "Red Eye is a satirical take on the news, in which all topics are addressed in a lighthearted, humorous and ridiculous manner.”

Given the relative size of their military, Canada is certainly contributing more than its fair share, as far as Afghanistan goes, and it is no surprise that many Canadians have opted to cancel their subscriptions to Fox, and to have complained in their droves.

This Gutfeld guy and the so called pundits on his show simply showed themselves to be pompous, arrogant, and ignorant. One of the panellists, Doug Benson, who’s supposed to be a comedian, was due to perform at an Edmonton club in April, but his show has been after fears for his safety were expressed. Could it be that he’s afraid of bumping into a Canadian soldier who’s home on a well deserved leave? Meanwhile, maybe the host could take time off from his second rate show to go to the appropriate office, and change his name to Gutterfeld. 

Downward Spiral in UK Continues

At the moment, all areas of Britain are engulfed in debt − banks, government and people. The whole nation is being slowly strangled by it. Our national debt alone stands at a frightening £400 billion. But that figure – in itself abnormally high – is a drop in the ocean compared with the collective indebtedness of the banks now under effective government control. This is hardly breaking news, but what the Government is doing about it what should really alarm us.

Already another £250 billion of taxpayer’s money – YOUR money – has been pledged to prop up our failing banks. But it doesn’t seem to be working. Banks still refuse to lend. Everything’s ground to a halt. Shops are closing… there’s hardly any job vacancies… unemployment is surging... property values are falling...and at the same time, Britain’s debt curve is no longer a curve – it’s going straight up.

Why should this concern you? Your investments? Your retirement? Your savings? Very soon, every pound you have could be worth much less than it is at the moment. It’s no longer difficult to imagine the national debt doubling or even tripling as the banking crisis persists.

If the UK is moved to nationalise more – or even ALL – of our banks... in one  swoop it will dump another £4 TRILLION of debt on to the country’s balance sheet. It’s just about impossible for us to imagine what those figures mean… but think of it this way… Even if just a tiny percentage of those debts went bad due to recession... the financial burden on each and every one of us would be unthinkable...

The Government will probably do one of two things, (or even both) to avoid this outcome: 

1) Drastically hike up taxes to pay for the hefty debt burden... meaning LESS money in the bank for hardworking Britons...

2) Or print more money... sending inflation rocketing and sterling into meltdown. 

The last time we were this close to going bankrupt was in 1976...

Back then the Government only warded off an utter collapse of the entire economy by going begging to the International Monetary Fund for an emergency “bailout” loan. The following years were some of the worst in British economic history. Inflation soared... poverty skyrocketed... and every household in the UK was poorer for years to come. At most, we’re on the brink of repeating one of these scenarios, if not all three. It’s a potential timebomb that could explode in our faces at any moment.

You and your family’s standard of living is already squeezed by this recession. And if it hasn’t been yet, it could be very soon. Those are some of the facts --£154 million gets added to UK debt every 24 hours, over 1,400 are made unemployed, and the average house price has dropped by £100 every day since December 2007.

 How much money can a society borrow before it begins to have negative effects on our ability to borrow any more? When you get to the point that people won’t loan you any more money as a government, you’ve got a horrendous problem.

It seems to me that we are hurtling towards economic destruction…and much worse.

Another Week, Another Scandal

Senior Labour minister Tony McNulty is under pressure to return Commons allowances after he admitted that he didn’t feel too good about claiming for a house his parents lived in. Since 2001-2 Mr McNulty, who became an MP in 1997, has claimed a total of £59,998 in allowances for his second home. In an attempt to halt the row, he has now stopped claiming the hand-outs and urged other MPs who live near London, and claim the benefit, to do the same.

The employment minister is the latest MP to be caught claiming the Common's controversial "additional costs allowance" for a property that is not strictly his home. Mr McNulty lives with his wife Christine Gilbert in a house she owns in Hammersmith, three miles from Westminster. Yet the minister has been claiming up to £14,000 a year in parliamentary expenses to help pay for another house he owns in Harrow, 11 miles from the Commons, in which his parents live. The MP can claim the money because the house is in his Harrow constituency and so qualifies him for the second home allowance.

 

After the arrangement was disclosed by the Mail on Sunday this weekend, Mr McNulty announced that he had decided to stop claiming the money, which he has benefited from since becoming an MP in 1997. Mr McNulty, who is also Minister for London, said: "There are senior shadow frontbench figures who live five miles further away from Westminster than me who claim the lot. Currently 157 MPs live within sixty miles of London, including 26 inner London MPs who already cannot claim the money, worth up to £24,000 a year. Of the remaining 131, 105 claim the additional costs allowance. If they stopped doing so it would save the taxpayer about £2 million a year.

Mr McNulty accepted that his use of taxpayers' money for the property looked odd and admitted that he has always felt "discomfort" in claiming the money. I would suggest that if he really wants to get rid of that discomfort, he could hand those readies back to the rightful owners, Britain’s taxpayers.

 

Now to something completely different. The nearest metropolis to where I stay has become somewhat of a ghost town over the past few months, due to the closure of some factories and one of the most successful Woolworths stores in the country. (That £60,000 in Mr McNulty’s back pocket would have given each staff member there £1,000 each, enough to keep them indulging in Pic’n Mix for the next 10 years.) Anyway, I don’t usually like going there nowadays, as it’s difficult to find someone to talk to apart from the gulls. I get the feeling sometimes that I’m about to see a horse making its way along the main street, with Clint Eastwood aboard, complete with a tartan poncho.

 However, I had to venture there last Friday afternoon, and was pleasantly surprised to see a more than usual array of cars and human beings. It must have been the glorious sunshine that prompted so many to abandon the homestead for a couple of hours. They were there to be seen and to be admired, from the women flaunting their beauty and obesity, to the men, hoping to get a tan on at least part of their beer bellies. Of course, I have to admit that, being a nine stone walking skeleton, having to wear two or three jerseys, and boots with steel toecaps, in order that I won’t be blown away by the slightest gust of wind, I am simply very jealous.     

For Whom The Pell Tolls

I sometimes wonder if bosses in the UK and elsewhere DO actually live on the same planet as the rest of us. This week we have the Deputy Chief Executive of  the Royal Bank of Scotland, Gordon Pell, telling MPs on the Scottish Affairs Committee that 2,700 job losses were in the pipeline, despite an RBS spokesman later saying that no firm figures had been set. Mr Pell, who earns a paltry £908,000 a year, also sprang to the defence of Sir Freddie Goodwin, the former boss of RBS, saying that history would recognise the banker’s many skills, and the huge contribution he had made to Scotland. This Mr Pell was a member of the board during the disastrous takeover of ABM Amro, and admits that RBS expanded into areas that they didn’t understand. If he and his fellow board members didn’t understand things back then, I doubt if even a brain transplant would help him to understand anything nowadays either, apart from the number of zeros in his salary.

Not to be outdone in the stupidity ranks, Northern Rock carried on lending high risk 125% mortgages for six months after getting a multi-million bailout from the taxpayer. This was happening from September 2007 until February 2008, while the Treasury was pouring public money into the bank, and thousands of its depositors were queuing up to try and withdraw their money. In all, £1.8 billion was lent, although some of the loans had been made as a result of prior commitments. Some financial authorities had noted the need for further investigations into the bank’s lending, but the matter was not considered to be a priority by the Treasury. 

In America, the “retention bonuses” that were to be paid to executives of the failed firm AIG (arrogance, ignorance, greed, as one wit called them) has caused widespread anger and demonstrations. Much more serious for the US leaders was a statement issued by China’s Premier Wen Jiabao -- “We are very concerned about the economic developments in the U.S. economy.  We have lent a huge amount of money to the United States and of course we’re concerned about the security of our assets and, to be honest, I am a little bit worried.”   China is the largest holder of U.S. debt, passing Japan in September for that honour. The country now owns roughly $1 trillion in U.S. Treasuries and other government-backed bonds, or about $1 dollar for every $10 in U.S. debt. China’s key financial position means that as Washington borrows record amounts to spend us out of recession, Beijing’s economic power grows stronger. In effect, the Chinese leader now feels that he has the power, and the right, to tell the US President to cut down on America’s spending.  

With unemployment in Britain now over 2 million, it is shocking to hear that the Government is running a number of free courses to encourage companies to legally employ non-EU workers in the country. This is to cost £20,000, and is to be funded by the long suffering taxpayer. What on earth is wrong with recruiting people from the increasing number of British workers whose only chance of doing anything constructive nowadays is to sign their name in the nearest Job Centre.

UK Government and Lack of Responsibility

I see that across the water from us, in Ireland, politicians have come to realise that there is an economic crisis on the go. Usually, on St Patrick’s Day, March 17^th, around  30 of the Irish Government cabinet ministers take a trip to various overseas countries, supposedly to showcase Ireland abroad, but which are really “junkets”  for those lucky enough to be involved. Reason has prevailed this year, however, and only 17 are taking flights to foreign parts. For the past few years, Ireland has been nicknamed “The Celtic Tiger”, and rightly so, because of its vibrant economy. It is refreshing to see that they are taking note of the present downturn, and listening to ordinary people’s concerns.

During some of those years, Britain had a Chancellor who told the people that everything in the proverbial garden was lovely, that Britain was going through a golden patch, and that we could spend as much as we wanted to, by borrowing as much as we wanted to. During that time, when there were a couple of years that the economy did reasonably well, he failed to put by reserves that would be available later to cushion the ensuing low times. He got rid of our gold and our money, and now that he’s Prime Minister, amnesia seems to have set in, and he proclaims that he had nothing to do with it.

Amnesia doesn’t seem to be the only problem with Lord Myners, who was appointed Financial Services Secretary to the Treasury in October 2008. He has been in trouble ever since then, being the person blamed for sanctioning Sir Fred Goodwin’s £693,000 pension. He still insists that he had not been told how much the former Royal Bank of Scotland was to be paid, although he knew that it would be a “large sum”. Surely it was part of his job to find out what the exact figures and conditions were. No – it seems that others should have made those enquiries, and informed him. He has made a habit throughout his life of becoming directors with various bodies, ten as far as I can gather, as well as being a trustee or chairman of others. In fact, he was Chairman of the Trustees of the Tate Gallery when two Turner paintings were stolen. Those were recovered, but it’s thought that a secret sum of close to £3,000,000 was splashed out for their return. Seemingly, Lord Myners expressed his surprise, as he assumed that the gallery got them back for free. Doesn’t anyone tell the poor Lord anything?

Those are only a couple of examples of people at the top of the tree in our country, and it would take up too much of my time to cover a host of other instances that seem to crop up on a daily basis. This habit of passing the buck seems to be ensconced in the corridors of power everywhere in Britain nowadays, and things certainly won’t improve until folk begin to accept responsibility for their actions.

Friday 13th Again!

Are you scared of, or worried about, Friday the 13^th? If you suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia, the official name for this fear, then you won’t be too happy to know that it occurs on three occasions this year. However – no need to be too dismal about it –that’s only 25% rate of the 13^th that coincides with a Friday. I happen to be one of those who don’t really bother about it. I have never been superstitious – in fact, I make a point of walking under ladders, waiting for a tin of paint or something to come hurtling down on top of my head, but I get the feeling that the wait is going to be a long one. Of course, I suffer from other phobias, some of which I’m not aware of yet, so I can sympathize with those who are so affected by Black Friday that they wouldn’t even dream of going to work on that day. Others refuse to travel, go out for a meal, and of course, a wedding is definitely out of the question! It is actually serious in economic terms, as the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina point out that probably over $800 million is lost in business on the day, as people refuse to fly or get down to business that they would normally carry out. They also estimate that 8% of Americans are affected by the condition.

How did this idea start in the first place, that Friday the 13^th was a day of bad luck, or even evil? Well, it seems that the number 13 has been the subject of superstition for quite a while, thousands of years in fact. The “Code of Hammurabi”, which was probably written around the 18^th century BC, was a set of Babylonian laws, which had the twelfth and fourteenth laws included, but there was no sign of a thirteenth. Nowadays, the practice of omitting the number 13 is widespread, with airport departure gates, offices, hotels, streets etc all getting in on the act. If you are very superstitious, of course, or simply have a bit of common sense, you will realise that anything numbered “14” is actually the one meant to be “13”! Some folk reckon as well that if you have 13 letters in your name, such as Charles Manson and Jack the Ripper, then evil will be always around you. There’s 12 letters in mine, so at least my friends, and enemies I suppose, can rest easy at nights. Of course, other civilizations, such as the Chinese and the Egyptians in the time of the Pharaohs, regarded it as being a lucky number! The Egyptians were of the opinion that life was a quest for spiritual ascension that unfolded in stages — twelve in this life and a thirteenth beyond, thought to be the eternal afterlife. The number 13 therefore for them symbolized death, not in terms of dust and decay but as a glorious transformation. The symbolism conferred on the number 13 by its priesthood probably survived, but was then corrupted by subsequent cultures that came to associate 13 with a fear of death instead of a reverence for the afterlife.

What about Friday’s part in this superstition? I suppose some people try to justify the combination of the number and the day as being unlucky by looking back into history to find facts that seem to justify their fears. It is said that on Friday, October 13, 1307, King Philip IV of France arrested several thousand Templars, and later tortured them until they confessed to various heretical beliefs. Certainly, in fairly recent times, tragic events have occurred on Friday the 13th. On July 13, 1951, floodwaters crested in many parts of Kansas, during the “Great Flood” that ravaged more than 2 million acres of land and caused more than $750 million in damage.  A March 13, 1992 earthquake in Turkey killed 2,000 and left 50,000 homeless.

There are probably hundreds of other examples of misfortune, accidents, ill luck, call it what you will, happening on Friday the 13^th, but is it really an unlucky day, when people are more likely to have bad things happen to them? A study in 2008 by the Dutch Centre for Insurance Statistics found that when the 13th of the month falls on a Friday, that day is actually safer than other Fridays! Fewer accidents and reports of fire and theft occur when the 13th of the month falls on a Friday than on other Fridays. Of course, we could argue that if they had carried out the study in 2004, say, the results could have been completely different. Statistics, after all, can be used to just about justify anything.

Anyway, although I don’t believe that anything out of the ordinary can happen to me on the thirteenth, I’m writing this on Thursday the twelfth, just in case my computer develops a virtual phobia tomorrow! 
 

Safety Helmets, Fish, and Obesity

 Lice, skin disease, or just a ruined hair-do. These are some of the complaints made by passengers of Nigeria's motorcycle taxis against a new law forcing them to wear helmets. The traffic-beating motorcycle taxis — known as ‘okada’ after a defunct Nigerian airline — have mushroomed in recent years as Nigeria's roads have become increasingly clogged by traffic. Fatalities for riders of the rickety, small motorcycles have risen, too. Since January 1, drivers and their passengers are required by law to wear a helmet in a bid to reduce the rising number of Nigerian road deaths. However, some passengers are rebelling against donning the headgear provided by the okada drivers.

“The problem is they are shared. You don’t know who has been wearing the helmet before you,” said Gladys Emmanuel, 45, who regularly travels around Lagos, Nigeria’s commercial capital, astride one of the city’s thousands of okadas. Gladys, like many other women, carries a handkerchief or plastic bag with her that she puts over her elaborate hair weaves to protect them from any filth, old hair pomade or lice that might have been left on the helmet by a previous passenger.

 

But, in this latest bid to improve safety, the onus for provision of the helmet falls on the okada driver, not the passenger. Okada drivers are generally poor, illiterate young men who often rent their bike for a daily fee. The purchase of a helmet and a second one for their customers is proving a hefty burden for many, some of whom are coming up with ingenious cheaper alternatives.  Plastic construction helmets, old horse riding hats and even steel colanders have all been used by Lagos okada drivers to appear to be abiding by the legislation. In the northern Nigerian city of Kano, angry riders put dried fruit and calabashes on their head to protest against the new law.

 

I must admit that I have never been a great fan of the two wheeled method of transport, and whizzing around on one with a dried half coconut on my head could do irretrievable damage to my image.

I have long been of the opinion that there is too much hype in the media concerning obesity, and although there are some folk out there who could exercise more and eat less, others are born with genes that leave them rather fat, and there is little they can do about it. I was reminded of the topic this afternoon, as my bus left the station, and was passing the public toilets. There was a lady there, obviously in some distress – she was probably about 20 stones in weight, wearing an anorak, and a skirt that was beginning to move slowly southwards. She was attempting to hoist it upwards with one hand whilst trying to hold one side of her anorak open with the other hand, presumably so that she could see what she was doing, and gauge her progress, or lack of it. I could only assume that she hadn’t zipped or buttoned up properly, or that something had given way, trying to hold everything in, and under control. Anyway, it was reassuring to know that there was a convenient building in her vicinity where she could repair the damage.

    

I see that researchers from Sweden’s University of Gothenburg have found that 15 year old boys who ate fish regularly did better in intelligence tests when they reached 18 than those lads who rarely touched it. Boys who partook of fish once a week increased their scores by an average of  6%, whilst those who ate it on a more regular basis increased them by just under 11%. Those tests included verbal reasoning, logic, physics and maths. As I used to have fish around 5 days a week during my teenage years, I suppose I should be Prime Minister by now, instead of sitting here, scribbling rubbish. Of course, one doesn’t need much intelligence to run, sorry, ruin our country.

Beds, Sleep, and Snails

I was fascinated to learn from the Professor (sorry, cannot reveal his name), that on average, women blink nearly twice as much as men. So fellows, if you think that a woman is interested in doing some linking with you by winking, when she’s actually blinking, it’s maybe time for some rational thinking, or better still, a splash of cold water.

I’ve been of the opinion for a while now that we need more than 365 days in the year, to accommodate all those special anniversaries that seem to be created. There's Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Patron Saint’s Day, Pet’s Day, Organic Bin Day – the only one that will be missing soon for many will be Payday. If one you’d like to commemorate isn’t there, just create it, get someone to write a stupid rhyme, and hey presto, you’re sitting on a goldmine. I  remember when I was younger that we got cards at Christmas time, and of course, on Valentine’s Day, when the postman had to make two deliveries to our humble abode. I had to actually change my name because of it, as my father carried the same name as my good self, and this was the only day of the year that he seemed to be interested in the postie’s offerings.

I was reminded of all that after reading today that this is National Bed Month – yes, all sorts of things are being commemorated during each month as well. I was intrigued by this one – does it mean that we only use our beds during March, and kip down elsewhere for the rest of the year? There is even a Sleep Council (not Members of the House of Lords, as I thought at first), who have launched two online videos to show people how they can get sleep fit. In the article that I read, reasons are given for buying a new bed NOW. It seems that getting a good night’s sleep is more important than ever because of all the worries and concerns we have during this economic downturn, it wards off illnesses and mental challenges we might be experiencing, and BECAUSE of the lack of money, we will not be going out so much, so it follows that we’ll be spending more time than ever in bed. What utter bunkum!

They carry on by telling us that a new bed is one of the best investments that we can make for our health and wellbeing, at a cost of 15 pence per night, assuming that the bed would last 7 years. They further tell us that this is about 2 pence per person per night. If my arithmetic is correct, this means that seven and a half people are using the bed, which must mean a poor family sharing, or maybe a swingers’ paradise. I’m not very sure about the half bit. I’ll probably have nightmares about it whilst I try to make myself comfortable on the straw in the barn.

I nearly forgot another snippet of information that was supplied to me by the Prof., and which seems to be at odds with what the above mentioned Council would have us believe about the benefits of more sleep. It’s a well known fact, he assured me, that a snail can sleep for up to three years, but there’s nothing to suggest that it’s any fitter after that period than it was beforehand. After they’ve had their breakfast of decayed lettuce or cabbage, they amble out into the sunshine at the same leisurely pace as a senior citizen on his way to collect his pension.

  

 

 

Barbies, Eggs, and Planes

The group that has appeared at, and disrupted, several major airports over the past year should probably have a rethink about their name, “Plane Stupid”. As the organisation was set up in the first place to draw public attention to its fight against airport extension, and the pollution caused by air travel, the name seemed very apt and witty. However, their antics are now making thousands of travellers very angry indeed, with holidays and business meetings etc. being missed. Warning folk of pollution and global warming at this time of economic gloom falls mostly on deaf ears anyway, so I suppose that they should face facts, and call themselves “Plain Stupid”.

Gordon Brown, the British Prime Minister, met Barack Obama for over an hour yesterday, and was then in effect dismissed, as the President had important things to attend to. It’s rather sad to see our Prime Minister just about begging for approval from the head of the United States, in fact looking like a dog that wanted to be petted. Of course, it now seems that the Obamas have decided on the kind of dog they’re going to have in the household, a Portuguese Water dog. However, they are still having problems about choosing a name for it. Easy, I would have thought – Gordon.

Yesterday, a Democratic delegate from Lincoln County in West Virginia, Jeff Eldridge, proposed a Bill that would outlaw Barbie Doll sales in the region. He cites their unhealthy influence on girls, which he says focuses on physical beauty too much. Other critics blame the doll for an unnatural body image. Well, I’m not sure about that, but if there’s fellows out there who are having problems in attracting real life dolls, maybe they should have a look at the next paragraph.

It is now 20 years since Edwina Currie warned us in Britain of the potential harm from eggs. Now, however, there is much better news on the egg and Y-fronts. Men with libido problems might find themselves taking food fetishes one step further. A study from the National Academy of Sciences has found that the scent of rotten eggs can be of tremendous benefit to a guy’s love life. The gas, properly called hydrogen sulphide, is not one that you would normally expect to find in a boudoir, so I can only hope and assume that an odourless form can be produced before we see it on the chemist’s shelf. It might give an eggstra boost to the libido, but I wonder if too much of this Vieggra would cause a man’s own eggs to rot.

Scotland and Drink Laws

Scottish ministers have announced plans to set a minimum price for alcohol in a bid to stop drink being sold for "pocket money prices". Cut price offers encouraging bulk buying are also to be banned along with money saving promotions like '3 for 2' deals. The display and marketing of drink is to be restricted to specific areas within off-sales premises. The plans were revealed today when the Scottish Government published its blueprint for tackling the problem of binge drinking in Scotland, especially amongst the young. It was also announced that price controls on drink may come into effect by the end of the year.

However, plans to raise the minimum age for buying drink in off-sales to 21 have been watered down. Instead, ministers plan to put a legal obligation on licensing boards to "consider" whether drink problems in their area warrant raising the age to 21. Local chief constables will also be able to request such a move. Also dropped from the original proposals is a plan to introduce alcohol-only checkouts in supermarkets and shops. The government said this had been opposed particularly from small retailers who lacked the floor space and staff. "We have listened to these concerns and decided for the time being not to introduce alcohol only checkouts", said the government blueprint. This is definitely a modern day miracle – a Government listening to concerns from interested parties. Actually, I doubt if they DID listen – it’s more likely that a member of the ruling SNP with some commonsense pointed out the fact that those proposals simply wouldn’t work.

The Health Secretary, Nicola Sturgeon, said, "Plummeting prices and aggressive promotion have led to a surge in consumption, causing and adding to health problems ranging from liver and heart diseases to diabetes, obesity, dementia and cancers. We have listened to those who responded to the consultation and modified our proposals where appropriate. But we remain determined to press ahead with tough policies to tackle alcohol misuse.”

The new measures were outlined only days after figures revealed the number of cases where people are treated in hospital for alcohol-related conditions had reached a record high. NHS statistics published last week showed there were 42,430 drink-related discharges from general hospitals in 2007 and 2008. Last month it emerged Scotland has the eighth-highest level of alcohol consumption in the world. Justice secretary Kenny MacAskill stressed the importance of tackling pricing. He said: "Cheap, readily available alcohol is fuelling violent crime and anti-social behaviour, as well as taking its toll on our economy and health service. That's why we are taking action to ban irresponsible promotions and make sure alcohol is sold at a sensible price that reflects the strength of the product.”

However, The Portman Group, the social responsibility body for UK drinks producers, criticised the Scottish Government's plans to tackle alcohol misuse. David Poley, the group's chief executive, said: "The Scottish Government is not listening to reason. These plans will punish all drinkers while only scratching at the surface of our drinking culture. People who drink to get drunk would not be influenced by these measures.”

I tend to agree with Mr Poley. Those who are desperate for a drink will no doubt go down the same road as those on other drugs who cannot do without their fix. They will resort to theft, burglary, in fact any means, in order to satisfy their needs. This can only result in more crime and anti-social behaviour, not less, as Kenny MacAskill would lead us to believe. We should also remember that at the moment, only the Scottish government is planning to implement those laws. What’s to stop folk from crossing the border to England, and stocking up there?

Talking of the usually demure Ms Sturgeon, I see that her partner, SNP Chief Executive Peter Murrell, has splashed out a few quid, £1,500 to be exact, on a raunchy oil painting, depicting her wielding a whip, and wearing black boots, stockings, and suspenders. It’s nice to know that she’s human after, and underneath it, all.

Canada Copes With Credit Crunch

Canada is the only country, alone in the industrialized world, that has not faced a single bank failure, calls for bailouts or government intervention in the financial or mortgage sectors. In 2008, the World Economic Forum ranked Canada's banking system the healthiest in the world. America's ranked 40th, and Britain's 44th.

Canada has done more than survive this financial crisis. The country is positively thriving in it. Canadian banks are well capitalized and poised to take advantage of opportunities that American and European banks cannot seize. The Toronto Dominion Bank, for example, was the 15^th largest bank in North America one year ago. Now it is the 5^th largest. It hasn't grown in size – the fact is that the others have all shrunk.

So what accounts for the genius of the Canadians? Common sense. Over the past 15 years, as the United States and Europe loosened regulations on their financial industries, the Canadians refused to follow suit, seeing the old rules as useful shock absorbers. Canadian banks are typically leveraged at 18 to 1—compared with U.S. banks at 26 to 1 and European banks at a frightening 61 to 1. Partly this reflects Canada's more risk-averse business culture, but it is also a product of old-fashioned rules on banking. Canada has also been shielded from the worst aspects of this crisis because its housing prices have not fluctuated as wildly as those in the United States. Home prices are down 25 percent in the United States, but only half as much in Canada. America has always insisted that the “Dream” should become a reality – that the average Joe Bloggs should be able to own his own home. What’s the situation nowadays?  Sixty-eight percent of Americans own their own homes, whilst the rate of Canadian homeownership is 68.4 percent!

Canada has been remarkably responsible over the past decade or so. It has had 12 years of budget surpluses, and can now spend money to fuel a recovery from a strong position. The government has restructured the national pension system, placing it on a firm fiscal footing. Its health-care system is cheaper than America's by far, (accounting for 9.7 percent of GDP, versus 15.2 percent here), and yet does better on all major indexes.

If Prime Minister Brown is looking for smart government, there is much he could learn from Canada’s policies. Meanwhile, in the councils of the financial world, Canada is pushing for new rules for financial institutions that would reflect its approach.

How I sometimes wish that my grandfather had stayed over there, instead of making the return journey across the Pond!