Time, Sandwiches, and Sarah Palin

It's been over a month now since I've added some words of wisdom to this blog, partly because of the lack of proper internet facilities in the hospital, but mostly because of the fact that I was too tired to concentrate. However, it has reinforced my belief that time is really what we make of it as individuals – a year ago last night, I celebrated my 60th birthday with my family and some friends; last night, I celebrated again, and reflected on the 365 days that have elapsed in the space of that year – because of my illness and the various treatments I've undergone, the year seems to have passed in a flash. On the other hand, if I'd been in touch with someone of the Brahan Seer's stature on the 4th of November 2009, and he'd have foretold what I was to endure over the future months, I'd probably have felt that every day was a burden, and longer than the day before. Anyway, last night was a cause for real celebration, as I'd promised myself that I was determined to have a few more birthdays annoying my grandchildren with my typical old man's eccentricities.

Back to the seedy world of politics, where we have a Labour MP and former Immigration Minister, Phil Woolas, being thrown out of Parliament and his Party for breaking electoral law by making up damaging allegations about his main General Election opponent. I seem to recall that he was the one who submitted all sorts of claims for expenses, including panty liners, tampons, and nappies although the rules stated that personal items such as toiletries were not allowed, nor were items bought for anyone else, including family members. I also remember reading in a newspaper that “Mr Woolas rose to the rank of Immigration Minister in October 2008”. Well, I think we're all aware of the fact that some objects of a disagreeable nature rise to the top.

Other whingeing MPs are furious that the price of food and drink in the House of Commons has risen after the public subsidy was cut. This, despite the fact that many meals, such as shoulder of lamb at £2.95 and steamed fish with egg noodles at £3.90 are seen by the majority of the public as being cheap. It seems that their biggest beef is to do with a new £15 flat fee for up to 3 courses in the dining room overlooking the Thames. They seem to conveniently forget the fact that they can claim £15 for dinner if the House sits after 7.30pm. Like many thousands of others, I went to work in all sorts of weather for over 30 years with only a packed lunch to keep me going, so I'm sure it could sustain them as well, especially in their comfortable heated rooms and offices. Of course, on second thoughts, that would be rather a daft idea, as it would cost the taxpayer much more – they would each probably have to hire someone to cook eggs, ham etc. for the sandwiches, and possibly a French butler to spread the Danish butter on the Belgian bread.

Across the Pond, and it seems that a certain George W. Bush believes that Sarah Palin spoiled the Republican party's 2008 election campaign. He has criticised John McCain for picking her as his running mate that year, and is of the opinion that she is not qualified for such a post. It's rather difficult for most of us to suss out Ms Palin's aims or objectives – she has been heard to say that she would like limited government. What exactly does she mean by this? Is it some sort of government that will be limited by her own limited abilities? I think it's time for my sleeping draught, or have I taken it already?

John Cleese and Expenses

The Sir Thomas Legg final report into claims for MPs’ expenses has been published today, and makes interesting reading, although nobody will have the actual time to read it. It is a large volume, and so it should be, at a cost of over £1,000,000, roughly the same amount as is being clawed back from certain guys and gals at Westminster. It is ironic that on the same day, parliamentary authorities have also introduced a new system for viewing MPs’ latest expenses claims, and it is, quite simply, an outrage. The old system – a list of names with links to PDF files – was much better. Voters can no longer view copies of receipts. Only the bare details of expenses are given -- just a new way of covering up details of claims. I’m not going to dwell on the issue here, although I was interested to hear Sir Gerald Kaufman’s name being mentioned on a couple of news bulletins earlier on. I had read last year about his claiming £225 for a pen, which I hope came complete with ink, and £8865 for a Bang & Olufsen 40in LCD television, but I hadn’t picked up on the £220+ that was spent on 2 grapefruit bowls. At that price, maybe the grapefruit should be silver plated.

Meanwhile, my own financial situation is not in the best of health today – I was asked to carry out a small job for the local council over the next couple of weeks, but didn’t realise that I had to fill in a pile of forms first of all, presumably to keep others in work scrutinising them. Worse was to come, as the instructions stipulated that I had to use black ink. Alas, no such thing in the house, which meant that I had to invest in 2 black pens, thus halving my anticipated wages from the work. As if that wasn’t depressing enough, I found out that President Obama is drastically cutting down on the money given to NASA, and is eliminating the manned missions to the moon. It means that the 2 plots I bought over 14 years ago in a desirable location there are now worth zilch. I might have to look to Iran to help out – they might, just might, get someone up there during my lifetime, as they have managed to send a mouse, a pair of turtles, and some worms into space using a light booster rocket. Probably turn out to be just a Mickey Mouse effort, though.

Talking of Space, a doctor near Washington, DC was very fortunate to escape injury last week, when a small meteorite struck the roof of his office, and scattered debris around the place. It was the size of a tennis ball, and was travelling at around 220 miles per hour. Probably something that Andy Murray should aim for if he wants to succeed at Wimbledon.

I’ve always been a fan of John Cleese, especially his portrayal of the hotel owner in “Fawlty Towers”. Last year he was in America, carrying out his “Alimony Tour”, so-called because of the $20,000,000 that he had to fork out to his ex-wife, Alice Faye Eichelberger. Sounds like “I’ll hae a burger”, but presumably she won’t be sitting down in a MacDonald’s in the foreseeable future. Anyway, he came up with some memorable lines concerning the divorce, and the amount of money that is now missing from his bank account, including this one – “To make me feel better, my lawyer told me to imagine how much more I’d have had to pay if Alice had contributed anything to the relationship – such as children, or a two way conversation”. Ouch!

Global Warming or Freezing?

Another really cold day here in the northern part of Scotland, with a strong wind, frost, and choppy seas, meaning that ferries are stuck in port, thus leaving supermarket shelves so bare that they could easily be eligible to be on the Sun’s Page Three. I think that human hibernation for the next month is the only answer. In fact, although I might have mentioned this before, the wind was so strong that it reminded me of a similar day a while back, when a neighbour told me that he’s watched one of his hens lay the same egg three times.

A few weeks ago, we had some of the world’s so-called leaders having a chinwag for 10 days on how to stop global warming. They couldn’t agree on anything, of course, although they DID manage to spend millions on expenses, quaffing the best food and drink, and managing to leave even more of a carbon footprint by jetting in for their conference from all corners of the globe. Have they never heard of some advances that have been made in technology over the years, such as video conferencing? Going by the weather we’re having now, can we expect them to have another shindig soon, in order to discuss how to stop global freezing?

Still on the weather front – David McLetchie, leader of the Scottish Tories between 1999 and 2005, has suggested that offenders should be made to clear our pavements and streets of snow as part of their rehab. Within minutes, a listener had phoned BBC Scotland, asking how the public could manage their finances if the bankers were out, busy shovelling the white stuff.

I see that Stephanie Beacham, she of Dynasty fame, managed to burn herself just days before she was due to go into the Celebrity Big Brother house, whatever that is. She knocked over a saucepan of boiling water in her kitchen, and somehow managed to scald one of her legs and her head. She must be either very supple or else rather small in stature to have managed that feat.

A quick update on Mrs Ure, who is still stuck in a caravan with one of her friends, and of course, with the turkey. I thought things couldn’t get any worse, but it seems that they have, as the electricity generator back home has blown up, and her husband has to rely on candles and a coal fire. Maybe the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas” will need to have a few extra days added to it.

MPs, Expenses, and Elephants

I mentioned Willie Roe on 6^th May, in connection with contracts that his consultancy firm, Rocket Science, had been awarded by Highlands and Islands Enterprise, the quango of which he is chairman. He is to step down from the company following an investigation into contracts worth £150,000 that it won from the development agency. The audit found that William Roe’s company did not benefit from his HIE position, but he said he was quitting Edinburgh-based Rocket Science to prevent any “perception of a conflict of interests”. He said: “I asked myself if there could be an even higher standard of separation of functions that would prevent any possible perception of a conflict of interest arising in the future. As a result, I decided on May 21 that, irrespective of the outcome of the HIE review, I would completely separate my public service functions from my private business interests.” Does this mean that he loses out on money from his private interests? Of course not! However, he would have lost quite a bit over the next 3 years if he had resigned from his cushy chairman’s post. Should he still be in that post? Just ask the bosses of many small firms who were not even allowed to apply for those contracts, and the answer will be readily apparent.

As the fuss over MPs’ expenses has fizzled out, at least for the moment, we should look at the body that allowed those outrageous claims to be rubber stamped. The Fees Office has for years been the custodian of “The System”, which originally stated that expenses could only be allowed if they were absolutely unavoidable for an MP to do his or her job. Actually, The Additional Costs Allowance, which seems to be at the root of all the trouble, was introduced in 1971 during Edward Heat’s days. (I wonder if he was one of the first to claim, maybe for a conductor’s baton, or gold plated taps for his yacht). At that time, it was capped at a few hundred pounds, but was raised to many thousands of pounds under the leadership of Tony Blair, the supreme conman. With that carrot being dangled in front of them, is it any wonder that many stood for Parliament who do not care a hoot for their constituents, but only for their reinforced pockets?

I would think that the main aim of most MPs, once elected, is to make sure that they are elected again, given the amount of money that they receive for doing practically nothing. Hence, although most of his MPs would like to see Gordon Brown step down as Prime Minister, they decided on Monday night to give him another chance. Not out of any love for the PM, but because they thought that having another unelected leader of Government would lead to an imminent General Election, when a lot of them would lose their seats. Actually, even with a later Election, a lot of them will lose their seats, as the British public has been roused from their customary apathy by the stream of revelations in the past few weeks.

Given the dire state of the economy in most countries at the present time, it seems preposterous for a football club to be dishing out around £138 million for two football players. The club will recoup the money, of course, some of it from sponsorship, but also from fans who will be shelling out more than half their weekly wages on admittance to games, and on related items, thus leaving them and their families in even more poverty. I’ve also read that over £1.4 billion is spent each year on pet food – four times the amount spent on baby food. A world gone mad, with its priorities all mixed up.

On a happier note, being one of those folk suffering from a nervous disposition, I was very relieved to hear that an elephant is the only mammal that cannot jump. I’ll feel so much safer when I’m on my next annual trip to Africa.

Six MPs and a Funeral

A glimmer of hope for the British public this morning, I suppose, as one of David Cameron’s key aides has resigned over his expenses claims. Andrew MacKay stepped down as Cameron's senior parliamentary and political adviser less than 24 hours after telling his local paper he was confident there was nothing "unreasonable" in the expenses he claimed over the past four years. However, Cameron said MacKay had made "unacceptable" claims, adding: "He will go before scrutiny to determine how much of that money needs to be repaid." The Bracknell MP, who is married to fellow Tory Julie Kirkbride, the MP for Bromsgrove, claimed £22,575 second home allowance for interest on their joint mortgage for a London home until April this year. At the same time, Kirkbride – who was previously a political corespondent for the Telegraph, which has sparked the latest furore over expenses by printing leaked details of claims – registered the London property as her main home and takes second home allowances for the Bromsgrove home they also share. Utterly shocking! I would imagine that the Telegraph will publish information about more pairs of married MPs in the days ahead, such as Sir Nicholas and Ann Winterton, and the Northern Ireland First Minister Peter Robinson and his wife Iris.

 

Earlier this morning, we were told about Elliot Morley, a former Labour Minister, who claimed £16.000 of parliamentary expenses for a mortgage that had already been paid off. Mr Morley, the ex-agriculture minister, continued claiming for the mortgage interest on his constituency home for more than 18 months after the loan had been repaid. The disclosure is the most serious to be uncovered so far by The Daily Telegraph during the week-long investigation into MPs’ expenses. Gordon Brown is said to be "very concerned" over the allegations about Mr Morley. On Wednesday night, Mr Morley apologised and said that he had informed the Chief Whip and the parliamentary fees office. He said he had repaid some money but refused to disclose how much. In a statement issued to The Telegraph, he said: “I do not believe any offence has been committed. I have reported this to the finance department and chief whip. I have made a mistake, I apologise for that and I take full responsibility. My priority was to repay and if I suffer financially as a result of that, I have only myself to blame.”

 

It can also be disclosed that, in November 2007, Mr Morley “flipped” his designated second home from the Scunthorpe house to his London property - and the dubious mortgage claims were never uncovered. Mr Morley, a former government whip and privy councillor, was renting out the London property, which was designated as his “main residence”, to another Labour MP. Ian Cawsey, a Labour Party vice-chairman, who was renting the house, said last night he was unaware that the property was also Mr Morley’s main residence. It is unclear where Mr Morley was actually living in London. For four months after Mr Morley “flipped” his homes, the former minister claimed full mortgage interest on the London house and Mr Cawsey, who had designated the house as his second home, continued to claim £1,000 a month for the same property in rent. The rent money was paid to Mr Morley.

 

Fabian Hamilton, a Labour MP, declared his mother’s London house as his “main” residence — allowing him to claim thousands of pounds for his family home in Leeds. In 2004, the MP admitted over-claiming on his expenses by nearly £3,000, charging for the full cost of his mortgage — rather than simply the interest as is permitted….John Maples, the deputy chairman of the Conservative Party, declared that a room in his private members’ club in Pall Mall, London, was his main home. This allowed him to spend money on his family’s Oxfordshire home…. Stephen Crabb, a Conservative MP, claimed his “main home” was a room in a flat rented by another MP, after buying a new house for his family in Wales and claiming £9,300 in stamp duty. He had previously “flipped” his second home to the family house from another London flat that was sold for a profit after more than £8,000 in taxpayer-funded refurbishments. It would probably be easier for the Telegraph to publish the names of those who have conducted their affairs in an ethical manner, and have only claimed for those expenses needed in connection with their Parliamentary work. That is, of course, if they can find any.

 

No cheques from the Fees Office in my post yesterday, but there WAS correspondence from an insurance company, asking me to take out a policy for my funeral. As a thank you for joining up, I was to be given a gift, either a satellite navigation system, presumably to show me the quickest route to the undertaker’s office, or a case of fine wines – I don’t think the latter is a good idea for the company’s finances, as it could hasten my demise, thus stopping my monthly premiums to them, and their having to pay out the policy to my loved ones. 

Thanks for the Toilet Seat and the Manure!

The revelations in the UK’s Telegraph newspaper over the past few days regarding MPs’ expenses are mind boggling, to say the least. Lord Mandelson billed taxpayers almost £3,000 for work carried out on his constituency home in Hartlepool less than a week after he announced his decision to stand down as an MP. The Business Secretary renovated the terrace house in 2004 before selling it and making a profit of £136,000….over five years, Mr David Miliband spent just under £30,000 on repairs, decoration and furnishings for his £120,000 home in South Shields. On at least one occasion, he exceeded the maximum allowable amount and had his claim cut back. Mr Miliband, the current Foreign Secretary, spent up to £180 every three months on his garden, prompting his own gardener at one point to ask whether all the work was required….Hazel Blears, Communities Secretary, claimed for three properties in a single year at taxpayers’ expense. Miss Blears, who  is responsible for housing policy, also spent time in one of London’s most fashionable hotels paid for from public funds. In March, 2004, Miss Blears stated that her second home was the property she owned in her Salford constituency. During that month she bought an £850 television set and video recorder from Selfridges, and a £651 mattress from Marks & Spencer. Her mortgage on the Salford property, which she has owned with her husband since June, 1997, was £300 a month. The following month she changed her declaration and began claiming that a flat in Kennington, south London, was her second home. She started claiming £850 a month for the mortgage on the flat….David Willetts, the Shadow Innovation, Universities and Skills Secretary is nicknamed "Two Brains" because of his formidable intellect,  but his expenses suggest he cannot work out how to change a light bulb. Mr Willetts billed the taxpayer £115 plus VAT for workmen to replace 25 light bulbs at his second home in west London. On the same bill, Mr Willetts charged another £80 to “change lights in bathroom”, part of a £2,191.38 invoice for odd jobs that included cleaning a shower head….we have John Prescott, who would presumably have been happy using the ship’s heads during his Merchant Navy days, claiming for two toilet seats in the space of a year. Going by his bulk, I suppose we should be relieved that he only broke the two.

 

On the Conservative side, we have James Arbuthnot claiming £1,471 in the period 2006-07 for pool maintenance at a house he rented before buying a £2 million home without a mortgage two years ago…. Douglas Hogg, the former agriculture secretary, submitted a claim form including more than £2,000 for the moat around his country estate to be cleared. The taxpayer also helped meet the cost of a full-time housekeeper, including her car. The public finances also helped pay for work to Mr Hogg’s stables and for his piano to be tuned…. Sir Michael Spicer, the Conservatives’ most senior backbench MP, claimed £5,650 in nine months for his garden to be maintained. In December 2006, he submitted a detailed invoice which included “hedge cutting ... helipad”, although he claimed last night that the “helipad” was a “family joke”. The Conservative grandee successfully claimed for the costs of hanging a chandelier in his main manor house…. Michael Ancram, who is the Marquess of Lothian, claimed more than £14,000 a year in expenses while owning three properties, none of which have a mortgage and are worth an estimated £8 million…. David Heathcoat-Amory claimed for more than £380 of horse manure for his garden. A comment springs to mind, but I won’t bother to scribble it down – I’ll leave it to the reader’s fertile imagination.

There have been some outrageous smaller claims over the past few years, such as £1.65 for a bottle of shampoo for a balding Labour backbencher in 2007, £2.22 for two packs of Tampax for a MALE Conservative MP, who seems to have lost more than his seat in 2005, and 5p for an Ikea carrier bag, claimed by a Scottish Labour MP. Quite a few of them have claimed for biscuits as well, both doggie ones, and the chocolate variety, the latter presumably for themselves. 

 

Correspondence seen by The Daily Telegraph suggests that some of the MPs have been claiming for their country homes for many years, stretching back to when receipts were not necessary for parliamentary expenses. When they were required to produce detailed receipts about five years ago, they began simply producing statements listing all the costs of their homes. In some cases, the Fees Office agreed to pay the maximum allowance after coming under pressure from the MPs. The Fees Office is supposed to check on claims, and to report excessive claims to the Commons Speaker. Obviously, if they haven’t been carrying out their duties properly, then the fault lies at their door, but if they HAVE made the Speaker aware of some of the more ridiculous claims, then his job must surely be on the line.

 

Those disclosures have finally forced my hand – I’ll be standing for the Freeloaders Party at the next election. If you happen to live in my constituency, please make sure that you put the cross beside my name, as I’ll be assured of scoffing as many Jaffa Cakes as I can, at your expense of course.

 

Willie Roe – Will He Go?

After the fuss over the past couple of weeks concerning MPs’ expenses, second houses etc, I thought that things had cooled down somewhat. Not a chance! Quangos have always been rather dodgy in my opinion, and the latest story concerning one of them has only added to my misgivings. It was revealed last weekend that Highlands and Islands Enterprise is to carry out an internal audit of contracts worth almost £100,000 that were awarded to a consultancy firm run by the agency’s chairman. The investigation will examine 15 contracts awarded to Edinburgh-based Rocket Science, which is run by William Roe, who is also the chairman of HIE.

The announcement of the audit, which will be overseen by Audit Scotland, comes a month after Mr Roe’s company repaid HIE an £8,000 consultancy fee following an allegation that Rocket Science plagiarised information from two academic studies. The audit will establish whether there was any further plagiarism in another 14 contracts – worth a combined £95,494 – that were awarded to Rocket Science between 2005 and this year. The decision to investigate was revealed in a letter from Audit Scotland to Highlands and Islands MSP Mary Scanlon, who has lobbied for an audit. Last night, Mrs Scanlon said she was pleased the audit would be carried out but called on Audit Scotland to carry out a further inquiry into the number of contracts awarded to Rocket Science that did not go through a tendering process.

Maybe, just maybe, the fellow has been above board in his dealings, although his surname DOES sound a bit fishy. 

Britain's Politicians' Expenses

A list of the allowances and expenses claimed in 2007-8 details for the first time how much each MP was reimbursed for family travel costs, amounting to £385,242 for wives,  and £75,819 for children. Alistair Darling, the Chancellor, was the second highest claimant for family travel, charging £5,283 for 30 journeys made by his wife Margaret and £4,391 for the couple's two children, a total of £9,674. Current parliamentary rules state that MPs may claim for up to 30 journeys made by their spouse or civil partner and each child under the age of 18 between London and their constituency. The allowance is taxable, but there is no set limit on how much can be claimed for each journey. Taxpayer-funded trips for the wives of MPs have proved hugely controversial in the past. Michael Martin, the Speaker, came under fire earlier this year when it was revealed that his wife Mary accompanied him on visits to such exotic destinations as Hawaii, the Bahamas, New York and Rome, even though she has no official role.

 

 After months of refusals, the House of Commons has published detailed expenses claims for members including Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Tony Blair. More than 400 pages of Commons documents released on Friday disclosed that Mr Brown claimed £9,000 to have his kitchen refurbished in 2005. In common with other senior ministers, Mr Brown claimed public money for a second home even though he is provided with a grace-and-favour home in Downing Street. When he was Chancellor, Mr Brown also made claims including £372 on subscription fees for satellite television; £723 for “cleaning services”; £650 on food; and £1,396 for painting and decorating. Mr Brown also claimed £15 for lightbulbs. With hindsight, perhaps he should have had more installed, as he looks very much like a man who is floundering about in the dark.

 

Tony Blair, who stepped down as an MP last year, claimed £11,200 for a new kitchen in his constituency home in Sedgefield. For the same house, he spent £516 on new dishwasher and £50 on servicing an Aga. The list goes on…and on… but I’m sure you get the gist. Taxpayers should not be made to pay for Gordon Brown’s Sky TV subscription or Tony Blair’s £10,000 kitchen. Given the economic climate and the fact that everyone’s feeling poorer, it’s high time MPs reined in the amounts they claim for.  It is costly for taxpayers and harmful to the standing of Parliament for them to use expenses to live this kind of high life.

The Commons authorities have been working flat out to prepare around a million receipts filed by MPs for publication, after losing a long-running freedom of information battle to keep them secret. The process is due to cost taxpayers around £2million. The documents have now started circulating to MPs for them to check and make representations on which parts should be deleted for security and other reasons. They are expected to prove damaging to many MPs when they are published this autumn. However, it seems that somebody with access to them is willing to part with them for a couple of hundred thousand pounds.

 

A senior Labour MP, Sir Stuart Bell, has revealed a parliamentary committee is investigating how the expense accounts of the politicians were on offer for up to £300,000. He is quoted as saying, “It’s probably a breach of the Official Secrets Act. It may be a theft, but we will get to the bottom of it. In the public interest, by the way.”   Right, Sir Stuart – we believe you!