UK Winter Fuel Anomaly

1949 was quite a year – RCA perfected a system for broadcasting colour television, the first Polaroid camera was sold, as was the first commercially available computer, the Ferranti Mark1. China became a Communist state, and Russia officially had the nuclear bomb. Of course, there were happier events as well taking place, such as the births of over 700,000 babies, among them yours truly. Anyone with a liking for maths will have worked out that those of us who have survived until now will have reached the big 6-0. Great stuff! I had been looking forward for ages to getting my free bus allowance, and my winter fuel payment. I received my bus pass okay, but the Winter Fuel Payment is only given if you are 60 or over before ‘the qualifying week’ for the winter concerned. The qualifying week always begins on the third Monday of September. It is not given either to those who have the misfortune of being in hospital, during the qualifying week, and have been there for over a year, or to those who have the good fortune of being guests in one of Her Majesty’s penal establishments. As I was born in November (I celebrated my first Guy Fawkes bonfire when I was a day old), I obviously do not qualify to receive the above mentioned payment this year. Why is there this anomaly in the system? Are those of us born after the third Monday in September more hot blooded? I think not. It’s all to do with money; filthy lucre for the Government of the day. There are around 203,000 folk this year who are not eligible for the payment, which, at £250 per head, translates into £50,750,000 for the Treasury. That should be enough spare cash to install extra radiators in some MPs’ flats, or to heat their ducks’ pools.

On a happier note, I received an email from Chris Fox, well known and respected internet marketer, a couple of days ago, in which he gave me details of a free report entitled “Google Launch Grip”. It’s actually a fully blown system that you could start using TODAY! It’s available by clicking here

Quite POSSIBLY one of the SIMPLEST techniques I have ever come across to reach thousands of visitors.... you’re going to be amazed out how EASY this tactic is to implement...

Police, Nurses, and Red Tape

Those overpaid guys and gals in Westminster, who masquerade as the UK Government, seem to really have lost their marbles this week. They will announce today that all new nurses will need to be educated to degree level in an attempt to improve the quality of patient care. The move, which will be enforced from 2013, is designed to raise the status of nursing and to end the stigma of the “doctor’s helper” Actually, as far as I can see, the nurses have been carrying out a few of the doctors’ duties for some considerable time now. It seems that anyone who wishes to become a nurse will need to have a degree within four years, in one of the biggest shake-ups of medical education in the history of the NHS. There are more than 400,000 nurses in the NHS, making up the largest part of the country’s health workforce. At the moment, the minimum level for NHS trainee nursing positions is a diploma — a two or three-year nursing course.

If this new recommendation is implemented, with all nurses required to obtain a degree, I would think that the standard of proper nursing would actually decline, instead of showing an improvement. A lot of folk who would make excellent nurses because of their temperament and caring attitude will look for other types of work if they feel that they cannot cope with studying for degree exams, or that their brain power is simply not geared up for it. Some will also be put off by the prospect of a long and expensive period of study. For those who are not suited to the nursing profession, but who would study for, and receive the degree, we could be facing a scenario where some of them would feel themselves to be above carrying out mundane tasks, and to be “too clever to care”, refusing to carry out duties such as washing and feeding patients and helping them to the lavatory etc.

In a somewhat similar situation, I’ve managed to help quite a few folk over the years in learning a new language, but I am not allowed to teach it in schools, simply because I don’t have a degree. Do all those who have gained degrees make excellent, or even good, teachers? I think not. There are thousands of teachers in our schools who are simply not suited to the job. They are brainy enough, sometimes brilliant, in fact, but they cannot impart their knowledge to others. We could, and indeed will have, the same kind of situation in our hospitals and health centres. I reckon the old saying is still true – that nurses are born, not made.

Now to something which concerns our policemen, and which is definitely more bizarre. The official Police Cycle Training Doctrine is soon to be published – pamphlets in 2 volumes, containing 93 pages -- the cost of which is estimated at thousands of pounds. It will include such nuggets of information as how to balance on a bike so they don’t fall off, how to stop and get off it safely, how to brake and avoid obstacles such as rocks and kerbs. It even advises bobbies not to tackle suspects while they are “still engaged with the cycle”. I feel a sitcom is definitely in order – I’ll even supply the signature tune for free:- “Ride we gaily, on we go; Plod on bike, with thief in tow.”

Back to the Health Service for an example of some of the stupid rules that have crept into everyday life in Britain. Visitors to the Calderdale Royal Hospital in Halifax were asked not to coo at, stare at, or ask too many questions of newborn babies in the maternity ward – on the grounds that—wait for this – it could infringe the babies’ right to privacy! What on earth was I going to ask a one day old child – his bank details? In the meantime, the Children’s Index is a data base which brings together all sorts of information on our nation’s children, and which is available to 400,000 doctors, social workers, and other officers of the state. It follows that you are not allowed to coo at babies for fear of invading their privacy, but it’s fine for the Government to give out details of a child’s health and education records to 400,000 public sector staff. Writing this has so infuriated me that I’m away to phone Gordon Brown to see if it’s okay to have my dose of Diazepam (Valium) earlier than usual.

MPs, Cats, and Spiders

It’s good to be back in cyberspace after an absence of 8 weeks, due to my computer contracting some kind of virus which sadly turned out to be terminal. Fortunately, it wasn’t transmitted to the person sitting in front of the screen, so I’ve survived, and as you can see, I have set up another machine that will have to put up with my rantings for the foreseeable future.

Quite a lot has been happening over those weeks – the expenses row in Westminster surfaced again, MPs are to be banned from employing their close relatives to type out their missives and fetch their favourite biscuits, and the leader of the BNP was allowed to appear on Question Time. Shock and horror was expressed by the newspapers, trying to outdo each other in condemning John “Nick” Griffin, the BNP leader. Now, I’m certainly opposed to what that party stands for, but the scenes outside the BBC on the night in question were deplorable. We had the usual sort of mob, baying for blood, all with their own hidden, and sometimes weird, agendas. Some of those are members of the mainstream parties, whose leaders are allowed on most platforms, although their conduct leaves a lot to be desired at times. Britain, as far as I’m aware, is still supposed to be a democracy, so we should all have the right to express our opinions.

After the hype over the past couple of days over the 10 new nuclear stations that the Government says we need, there is widespread speculation as to how many of them will ever actually get off the ground. It seems that the Government is forcing potential nuclear investors, such as Centrica, EDF, EON, Scottish Power etc to take on full exposure to the risks of construction. Ongoing prices will be so volatile that they could easily cripple any of those large utility companies financially. Some of those companies are in debt anyway, and having to sell off assets such as their electricity networks to pay it off. Other governments across the world are also sanctioning new stations, and offering good subsidies, so it would seem likely that companies would prefer to do business with them, rather than with Britain.

On a lighter note, I’ve been fascinated for some time by some of the weird laws that exist in countries world wide, but it was only recently that I realized that our own country passes hundreds, nay, thousands of regulations and edicts each year, some of which are just about impossible to understand, even after having had a dictionary for breakfast. I might just mention a few of them here in the months ahead.

ASBOs (Anti-social Behavior Orders) were supposed to cure all ills in neighbourhoods, but some of them are completely absurd. Take the car thief from Manchester who received an ASBO forbidding him to walk or cycle anywhere in the city unless accompanied by his sister or mother. It did not ban him from stealing or driving cars. The poor guy – as he was banned from walking or cycling, it’s only logical that he should go out and nick the nearest available car. Then there was the woman from Kilbride who was given an ASBO denying her the right to answer the door in her underwear. It was okay, presumably, to strip everything off, and answer it in her birthday dress.

I mentioned at the beginning that my computer had been down for a while, so to pass some of the time, I enrolled in fiddle classes. It’s probably not a very bright idea at my age, but it has had a nice side effect. The classes are fine, but a lot of practice is needed at home as well. This has resulted in a lot of moaning and screeching sounds being heard in the vicinity of my humble abode, and cats of every make and model, that used to stare malevolently at me as I did my bit to save the birds, are to be seen no more. They have all fled; had enough, it seems. Likewise, my spider friends prefer to stay in their nooks and crannies, instead of taking their usual evening constitutional. The moral here seems to be simple – for those of you who are scared of the little creatures, get down to your local music shop, and invest in a fiddle.

Moon Rock and Terrestrial Happenings

Some of the normally astute good folk in Holland seem to have somewhat lost their marbles lately, if press reports are to be believed. We were informed a couple of weeks ago about the fake moon rock, when it was revealed that a treasured piece at the Dutch National Museum, supposedly moon rock from the first lunar landing, was nothing more than petrified wood. It was given to former Prime Minister Willem Drees during a goodwill tour by the three Apollo 11 astronauts shortly after their moon mission in 1969, and went on display at the Amsterdam museum when Mr Drees died. At one stage, it was insured for around £308,000. The organic materials in the organic wood have been replaced by minerals, although the original structure of the wood will have been retained. The Rijksmuseum is to hold on to it, they say, as a curiosity attraction. I thought it could have been inserted into a pair of very high class clogs.

Another incident has come to light recently, when an elderly Dutchman and his grandson flew from Holland to have a chinwag with relatives in New South Wales, Australia. The plane touched down safely in Sydney okay, but unfortunately it was in Sydney, Nova Scotia, a few miles away, I would reckon. I would hope that the travel agency involved in the blunder would go dutch for the return fare. Let us also hope that their talented international football players will suffer the same lack of concentration next Wednesday night, when they take on the might of Scotland at Hampden Park.

I suppose that we should also spare a thought for the chap who went along to the Antiques Roadshow with a glass container for which he had splashed out £1000. It turned out to be a bottle of olive oil, circa 2008, from the local Tesco’s supermarket. There is some consolation for the poor fellow in the fact that the TV station has decided not to show the footage, presumably because they’re not allowed to display advertisements.

Gordon Brown, Tories, and Climate

Gordon Brown denied "double dealing" over the Lockerbie row after it emerged that he had privately backed the bomber's release. Prime Minister insisted the final decision to free Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi had been taken by the Scottish Government, and UK ministers had not sought to influence it.

"There was no conspiracy, no cover-up, no double dealing, no deal on oil, no attempt to instruct Scottish ministers, no private assurances by me to Colonel Gaddafi," Mr Brown told an audience in Birmingham.

But Mr Brown stopped short of confirming explicitly that he had favoured releasing Al Megrahi from prison before his death. The decision to free Al Megrahi, eight years into a life sentence, was made by Kenny macAskill, the Scottish Justice Minister, on compassionate grounds because he has terminal cancer. Mr Brown defended his refusal to voice his opinion publicly saying he had "minimised" the pain for Lockerbie families and he was quick to describe the scenes accompanying the bomber's return to Libya as "despicable".

It has taken Mr Brown 13 days to issue this statement, which is still ambiguous after all that time. Of course, we must remember that he gave up a few minutes of his precious holiday time to send congratulations to the England cricket team on their momentous achievement in regaining the Ashes.

Talking of ashes, that might be very well what is left of his Party at the next general Election, if the latest YouGov survey is anything to go by. It shows the Tories on 42%, with Labour trailing at 28%. Translated into seats, this would give the Conservatives a 96 seats majority.

While the UK ponders over those matters, it’s nice to know that scientists at the Royal Botanical Gardens in Sydney, Australia, are concerned about serious global topics as well. They have proposed that we should have six seasons instead of the current four to better describe the climate. They have suggested adding “sprinter” for an early spring, and “sprummer” for the period between spring and summer. Methinks that “springer” might be better for the first one, and “scunner”, that good old Scots word, for the second, given the amount of rain and wind that we’ve had in the past few months. It all sounds like a complete bummer to me.

Teeth and Terrorists

The British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has still to give us his opinion on whether Kenny MacAskill, the Scottish Justice Minister, was right in releasing the so-called Lockerbie bomber, Abdel-baset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that his own Westminster Government freed Ronnie Biggs, one of the Great Train Robbery perpetrators, just a few weeks earlier. Like Megrahi, he (Biggs) has never shown remorse for the crimes that they had been convicted of. There was never any doubt about Biggs’ involvement, but most would agree that Megrahi was simply a pawn in a much wider political game. Whatever the rights and wrongs of his release, I find it highly objectionable that FBI director Robert Mueller should criticise Mr MacAskill – I think he should look closer to home, where he will find a justice system that isn’t exactly squeaky clean. Despite his Government’s statements to the contrary, political prisoners have been and still are, tortured, and futher afield, some of their military haven’t exactly covered themselves in glory whilst serving in Iraq. Innocent men, women, and children there have been tortured and slaughtered by them, so I think Mr Mueller should have a look at the beam in his own eye before commenting on the splinter in ours.

As someone with an interest in money, or more precisely, the lack of it, I don’t suppose I should have been surprised when I read that some dentists in Scotland are fairly raking it in nowadays. 24 of them earned over £300,000 last year, with 138 having over £200,000 jangling in their pockets. They seem to have become experts at more than just filling molar cavities.

I’m not sure how many KPWs they could earn in North Korea, but there might soon be vacancies for more dentists in that country of povert and nuclear weapons. In yet another demonstration of his love for the people of North Korea, “Dear Leader” Kim Jong Il has decided to expand the list of foods they will never get a chance to enjoy.No longer must the average worker restrict his hungry fantasizing to such staples as rice, beef, kimchi, and tofu. Now he can take pride in knowing that while he and his family waste away with malnutrition, the country’s elite are enjoying such exotic foreign items as pizza and hamburgers. It seemed like big news when word leaked out that North Korea was producing its own Taedong River Beer, but throw in hamburgers and pizza as well, and you can’t help thinking we’re witnessing the disintegration of the workers’ paradise as we knew it. What’s next for Pyongyang, popcorn and the Superbowl?

A Proper Charlie!

Mr Camilla, or Prince Charles, he of the greying heir, seems to be putting his foot into everything this week. A couple of days ago, he quit as patron of the Society for the Protection of Ancient Buildings after it axed a foreword he had written for a book on restoring old houses.

He is understood to have resigned after officials voiced concern about his 'intransigent' attitude to restoration.

The society was founded by the socialist architect and designer William Morris in 1877. Despite its title, it also believes in using the best of modern design in traditional restoration projects and includes a chapter in its book, Old House Handbook, explaining this.

It had been hoped that Charles, who took over as figurehead for the organisation following the death of the Queen Mother in 2003, would write a supportive foreword to the book, a guide for those who are repairing old buildings. But the prince is understood to have particularly objected to the suggestion that restoring old houses in their original style often results in a 'pastiche' – an unflattering hotchpotch of materials and forms taken from different sources –and took pains to say as much.

When society officials asked his office whether the offending paragraphs could be taken out, the answer came back that it was all or nothing .As a result, the charity decided to write its own foreword. Charles felt he was being unfairly censored and resigned in an apparent huff.

To help him get over this fit of pique presumably, he sat down last night to a meal given by the Marine Stewardship Council at Clarence House. In a speech to fish industry representatives, he said science had shown the world was facing a “nightmare collapse in stocks” without action.

But trawlermen’s leaders said the heir to the throne’s comments were “unhelpful and outdated”.

He was accused of ignoring the Scottish fleet’s efforts to conserve stocks – and was urged to listen to fishermen rather than scientists. told guests: “The science tells us very clearly that if we continue to fish without any care for the long-term sustainability of fish stocks, we will soon face a nightmare collapse in stocks and inevitable starvation amongst the world’s poorest people. So I think the debate about the marine environment is rather like that which surrounded climate change in the 1980s. Back then, climate change was something about which a few people were trying very hard to make their voices heard, occasionally myself, but nobody wanted to listen.”

He added: “Over the years, I’ve tried to make speeches and hold seminars and those things about the fishing problem, but again it has been very difficult to get the attention of all sorts of people, agencies, organisers and the consumer – the subject was quite literally out of sight and out of mind.”

Later on last night, John Buchan, skipper of the Peterhead-registered Fairline, who spearheaded a campaign to save Scotland’s fleet eight years ago, said: “Prince Charles is clearly out of date as far as Scotland is concerned. Our six main stocks are now in a very healthy state, or are getting that way very quickly. When it comes to talking about conservation, Prince Charles needs to hear from the Scottish fishermen.”

Methinks he is only worried about the preservation of the sturgeon, and the resulting black caviar. I read somewhere last week that turtles can breathe through their butts, but I reckon some people can as well.

MPs, Expenses, and Elephants

I mentioned Willie Roe on 6^th May, in connection with contracts that his consultancy firm, Rocket Science, had been awarded by Highlands and Islands Enterprise, the quango of which he is chairman. He is to step down from the company following an investigation into contracts worth £150,000 that it won from the development agency. The audit found that William Roe’s company did not benefit from his HIE position, but he said he was quitting Edinburgh-based Rocket Science to prevent any “perception of a conflict of interests”. He said: “I asked myself if there could be an even higher standard of separation of functions that would prevent any possible perception of a conflict of interest arising in the future. As a result, I decided on May 21 that, irrespective of the outcome of the HIE review, I would completely separate my public service functions from my private business interests.” Does this mean that he loses out on money from his private interests? Of course not! However, he would have lost quite a bit over the next 3 years if he had resigned from his cushy chairman’s post. Should he still be in that post? Just ask the bosses of many small firms who were not even allowed to apply for those contracts, and the answer will be readily apparent.

As the fuss over MPs’ expenses has fizzled out, at least for the moment, we should look at the body that allowed those outrageous claims to be rubber stamped. The Fees Office has for years been the custodian of “The System”, which originally stated that expenses could only be allowed if they were absolutely unavoidable for an MP to do his or her job. Actually, The Additional Costs Allowance, which seems to be at the root of all the trouble, was introduced in 1971 during Edward Heat’s days. (I wonder if he was one of the first to claim, maybe for a conductor’s baton, or gold plated taps for his yacht). At that time, it was capped at a few hundred pounds, but was raised to many thousands of pounds under the leadership of Tony Blair, the supreme conman. With that carrot being dangled in front of them, is it any wonder that many stood for Parliament who do not care a hoot for their constituents, but only for their reinforced pockets?

I would think that the main aim of most MPs, once elected, is to make sure that they are elected again, given the amount of money that they receive for doing practically nothing. Hence, although most of his MPs would like to see Gordon Brown step down as Prime Minister, they decided on Monday night to give him another chance. Not out of any love for the PM, but because they thought that having another unelected leader of Government would lead to an imminent General Election, when a lot of them would lose their seats. Actually, even with a later Election, a lot of them will lose their seats, as the British public has been roused from their customary apathy by the stream of revelations in the past few weeks.

Given the dire state of the economy in most countries at the present time, it seems preposterous for a football club to be dishing out around £138 million for two football players. The club will recoup the money, of course, some of it from sponsorship, but also from fans who will be shelling out more than half their weekly wages on admittance to games, and on related items, thus leaving them and their families in even more poverty. I’ve also read that over £1.4 billion is spent each year on pet food – four times the amount spent on baby food. A world gone mad, with its priorities all mixed up.

On a happier note, being one of those folk suffering from a nervous disposition, I was very relieved to hear that an elephant is the only mammal that cannot jump. I’ll feel so much safer when I’m on my next annual trip to Africa.

Six MPs and a Funeral

A glimmer of hope for the British public this morning, I suppose, as one of David Cameron’s key aides has resigned over his expenses claims. Andrew MacKay stepped down as Cameron's senior parliamentary and political adviser less than 24 hours after telling his local paper he was confident there was nothing "unreasonable" in the expenses he claimed over the past four years. However, Cameron said MacKay had made "unacceptable" claims, adding: "He will go before scrutiny to determine how much of that money needs to be repaid." The Bracknell MP, who is married to fellow Tory Julie Kirkbride, the MP for Bromsgrove, claimed £22,575 second home allowance for interest on their joint mortgage for a London home until April this year. At the same time, Kirkbride – who was previously a political corespondent for the Telegraph, which has sparked the latest furore over expenses by printing leaked details of claims – registered the London property as her main home and takes second home allowances for the Bromsgrove home they also share. Utterly shocking! I would imagine that the Telegraph will publish information about more pairs of married MPs in the days ahead, such as Sir Nicholas and Ann Winterton, and the Northern Ireland First Minister Peter Robinson and his wife Iris.

 

Earlier this morning, we were told about Elliot Morley, a former Labour Minister, who claimed £16.000 of parliamentary expenses for a mortgage that had already been paid off. Mr Morley, the ex-agriculture minister, continued claiming for the mortgage interest on his constituency home for more than 18 months after the loan had been repaid. The disclosure is the most serious to be uncovered so far by The Daily Telegraph during the week-long investigation into MPs’ expenses. Gordon Brown is said to be "very concerned" over the allegations about Mr Morley. On Wednesday night, Mr Morley apologised and said that he had informed the Chief Whip and the parliamentary fees office. He said he had repaid some money but refused to disclose how much. In a statement issued to The Telegraph, he said: “I do not believe any offence has been committed. I have reported this to the finance department and chief whip. I have made a mistake, I apologise for that and I take full responsibility. My priority was to repay and if I suffer financially as a result of that, I have only myself to blame.”

 

It can also be disclosed that, in November 2007, Mr Morley “flipped” his designated second home from the Scunthorpe house to his London property - and the dubious mortgage claims were never uncovered. Mr Morley, a former government whip and privy councillor, was renting out the London property, which was designated as his “main residence”, to another Labour MP. Ian Cawsey, a Labour Party vice-chairman, who was renting the house, said last night he was unaware that the property was also Mr Morley’s main residence. It is unclear where Mr Morley was actually living in London. For four months after Mr Morley “flipped” his homes, the former minister claimed full mortgage interest on the London house and Mr Cawsey, who had designated the house as his second home, continued to claim £1,000 a month for the same property in rent. The rent money was paid to Mr Morley.

 

Fabian Hamilton, a Labour MP, declared his mother’s London house as his “main” residence — allowing him to claim thousands of pounds for his family home in Leeds. In 2004, the MP admitted over-claiming on his expenses by nearly £3,000, charging for the full cost of his mortgage — rather than simply the interest as is permitted….John Maples, the deputy chairman of the Conservative Party, declared that a room in his private members’ club in Pall Mall, London, was his main home. This allowed him to spend money on his family’s Oxfordshire home…. Stephen Crabb, a Conservative MP, claimed his “main home” was a room in a flat rented by another MP, after buying a new house for his family in Wales and claiming £9,300 in stamp duty. He had previously “flipped” his second home to the family house from another London flat that was sold for a profit after more than £8,000 in taxpayer-funded refurbishments. It would probably be easier for the Telegraph to publish the names of those who have conducted their affairs in an ethical manner, and have only claimed for those expenses needed in connection with their Parliamentary work. That is, of course, if they can find any.

 

No cheques from the Fees Office in my post yesterday, but there WAS correspondence from an insurance company, asking me to take out a policy for my funeral. As a thank you for joining up, I was to be given a gift, either a satellite navigation system, presumably to show me the quickest route to the undertaker’s office, or a case of fine wines – I don’t think the latter is a good idea for the company’s finances, as it could hasten my demise, thus stopping my monthly premiums to them, and their having to pay out the policy to my loved ones. 

Liberal Democrats' Day of Reckoning

 

 

It was the turn of the Liberal Democrats today for some of their outrageous expense claims to be published. Andrew George, the MP for St Ives, claims £847 a month from taxpayers on mortgage interest payments for his riverside flat. But the home insurance policy included on his expenses file is in the name of his 21-year-old daughter, Morvah George, a student who has worked as a professional model and as an intern for her father in Parliament. Mr George admitted that his daughter kept some of her belongings there and used it as a “bolt-hole” but denied she spent more time there than him. He said his insurers had prevented him from being named on the policy as well as on one at his Cornish home. Mr George’s claims reveal how MPs are able to use the system to buy properties from which their families can benefit.

 

Nick Harvey, who helps oversee the administration of parliament, received letters from the fees office telling him to submit copies of his mortgage statements and bills for his cleaner. Mr Harvey, the MP for North Devon, has claimed second homes allowances totalling £143,658 for his house in London, including interest payments on his £340,000 mortgage, which were £1,258 per month in June 2008. The Liberal Democrat spokesman on defence also claims £30 per month for his subscription to Sky Sports and claimed £3,515 for food between 2004 and 2008.

 

Chris Huhne, 54, the LibDems’ Home Affairs spokesman, is one of parliament’s wealthiest MPs, having built a fortune during his previous career as a City economist, where he founded his own ratings company. He owns his second home in his Eastleigh constituency in Hampshire outright but regularly claims for its renovation. In August 2006 he was reimbursed for a £5,066 builder’s invoice that included having two coats of “red rustic timber care” applied to garden items, and two coats of green preservative for fences. On another occasion Mr Huhne submitted a handyman’s bill for £77.31, covering odd jobs such as “replacing rope on swinging chair”.  Mr Huhne’s constituency home is one of seven he owns in Britain. As well as his London residence in Clapham, he owns five properties in London and Oxford, from which he receives rental income, according to his entry in the register of members’ interests. He also has a share of a holiday home in France, while his wife, Vicky Pryce, the chief economic adviser to the Department of Trade and Industry, owns a property in Greece. Mr Huhne’s claims under the additional costs allowance include a bill for £119 for a Corby trouser press, finished in mahogany, from John Lewis. His incidental expenses provision claims, which cover the running costs of his offices in London and in his constituency, include a single receipt for semi-skimmed milk (62p), and others for chocolate HobNobs (79p), tea bags (89p) and a bus ticket (£3.20). Among the items carefully crossed off on the receipts are a cheese muffin (99p), bacon flavour Wheat Crunchies (28p) and Ready Brek (£1.81). One of his most unusual claims is an £85.35 bill for the “mounting, framing and inscription of photo of Chris Huhne”. "Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity." (Ecclesiastes 12:8). Compare all this to the fact that six beds were removed from a hospital in the Isle of Skye on Monday, supposedly to save money. Compare it to the fact that there was only one ambulance serving the Shetland Islands until now. Should it really come as a surprise to those people that the natives in every part of the UK might be getting restless?

 

 

Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrat leader, said MPs should have to return any profits they make on their second homes to the taxpayer. As the spotlight on MPs' expenses turned on his party, Mr Clegg said he had always intended to give back any profits that he makes when he eventually comes to sell up. He said he could now be requiring members of his frontbench team to do the same until there were new rules in place. He is obviously following in the footsteps of David Cameron and Gordon Brown, who have suddenly been laying down the law to their own members. What utter hypocrisy! Not a word would have been said by any of them if the whole sorry scandal hadn’t been exposed. The bulls in Texas are a poor second when it comes to fertilising grass. Talking of Texas, the world record for throwing and catching a raw unbroken egg was set in 1978 in the Lone Star state, when Johnny Dell Foley threw a fresh egg 323ft 2ins (98.51m) to his cousin Keith Thomas. 31 years on, and we could do with champion egg throwers again, preferably using the rotten variety.

Thanks for the Toilet Seat and the Manure!

The revelations in the UK’s Telegraph newspaper over the past few days regarding MPs’ expenses are mind boggling, to say the least. Lord Mandelson billed taxpayers almost £3,000 for work carried out on his constituency home in Hartlepool less than a week after he announced his decision to stand down as an MP. The Business Secretary renovated the terrace house in 2004 before selling it and making a profit of £136,000….over five years, Mr David Miliband spent just under £30,000 on repairs, decoration and furnishings for his £120,000 home in South Shields. On at least one occasion, he exceeded the maximum allowable amount and had his claim cut back. Mr Miliband, the current Foreign Secretary, spent up to £180 every three months on his garden, prompting his own gardener at one point to ask whether all the work was required….Hazel Blears, Communities Secretary, claimed for three properties in a single year at taxpayers’ expense. Miss Blears, who  is responsible for housing policy, also spent time in one of London’s most fashionable hotels paid for from public funds. In March, 2004, Miss Blears stated that her second home was the property she owned in her Salford constituency. During that month she bought an £850 television set and video recorder from Selfridges, and a £651 mattress from Marks & Spencer. Her mortgage on the Salford property, which she has owned with her husband since June, 1997, was £300 a month. The following month she changed her declaration and began claiming that a flat in Kennington, south London, was her second home. She started claiming £850 a month for the mortgage on the flat….David Willetts, the Shadow Innovation, Universities and Skills Secretary is nicknamed "Two Brains" because of his formidable intellect,  but his expenses suggest he cannot work out how to change a light bulb. Mr Willetts billed the taxpayer £115 plus VAT for workmen to replace 25 light bulbs at his second home in west London. On the same bill, Mr Willetts charged another £80 to “change lights in bathroom”, part of a £2,191.38 invoice for odd jobs that included cleaning a shower head….we have John Prescott, who would presumably have been happy using the ship’s heads during his Merchant Navy days, claiming for two toilet seats in the space of a year. Going by his bulk, I suppose we should be relieved that he only broke the two.

 

On the Conservative side, we have James Arbuthnot claiming £1,471 in the period 2006-07 for pool maintenance at a house he rented before buying a £2 million home without a mortgage two years ago…. Douglas Hogg, the former agriculture secretary, submitted a claim form including more than £2,000 for the moat around his country estate to be cleared. The taxpayer also helped meet the cost of a full-time housekeeper, including her car. The public finances also helped pay for work to Mr Hogg’s stables and for his piano to be tuned…. Sir Michael Spicer, the Conservatives’ most senior backbench MP, claimed £5,650 in nine months for his garden to be maintained. In December 2006, he submitted a detailed invoice which included “hedge cutting ... helipad”, although he claimed last night that the “helipad” was a “family joke”. The Conservative grandee successfully claimed for the costs of hanging a chandelier in his main manor house…. Michael Ancram, who is the Marquess of Lothian, claimed more than £14,000 a year in expenses while owning three properties, none of which have a mortgage and are worth an estimated £8 million…. David Heathcoat-Amory claimed for more than £380 of horse manure for his garden. A comment springs to mind, but I won’t bother to scribble it down – I’ll leave it to the reader’s fertile imagination.

There have been some outrageous smaller claims over the past few years, such as £1.65 for a bottle of shampoo for a balding Labour backbencher in 2007, £2.22 for two packs of Tampax for a MALE Conservative MP, who seems to have lost more than his seat in 2005, and 5p for an Ikea carrier bag, claimed by a Scottish Labour MP. Quite a few of them have claimed for biscuits as well, both doggie ones, and the chocolate variety, the latter presumably for themselves. 

 

Correspondence seen by The Daily Telegraph suggests that some of the MPs have been claiming for their country homes for many years, stretching back to when receipts were not necessary for parliamentary expenses. When they were required to produce detailed receipts about five years ago, they began simply producing statements listing all the costs of their homes. In some cases, the Fees Office agreed to pay the maximum allowance after coming under pressure from the MPs. The Fees Office is supposed to check on claims, and to report excessive claims to the Commons Speaker. Obviously, if they haven’t been carrying out their duties properly, then the fault lies at their door, but if they HAVE made the Speaker aware of some of the more ridiculous claims, then his job must surely be on the line.

 

Those disclosures have finally forced my hand – I’ll be standing for the Freeloaders Party at the next election. If you happen to live in my constituency, please make sure that you put the cross beside my name, as I’ll be assured of scoffing as many Jaffa Cakes as I can, at your expense of course.

 

Willie Roe – Will He Go?

After the fuss over the past couple of weeks concerning MPs’ expenses, second houses etc, I thought that things had cooled down somewhat. Not a chance! Quangos have always been rather dodgy in my opinion, and the latest story concerning one of them has only added to my misgivings. It was revealed last weekend that Highlands and Islands Enterprise is to carry out an internal audit of contracts worth almost £100,000 that were awarded to a consultancy firm run by the agency’s chairman. The investigation will examine 15 contracts awarded to Edinburgh-based Rocket Science, which is run by William Roe, who is also the chairman of HIE.

The announcement of the audit, which will be overseen by Audit Scotland, comes a month after Mr Roe’s company repaid HIE an £8,000 consultancy fee following an allegation that Rocket Science plagiarised information from two academic studies. The audit will establish whether there was any further plagiarism in another 14 contracts – worth a combined £95,494 – that were awarded to Rocket Science between 2005 and this year. The decision to investigate was revealed in a letter from Audit Scotland to Highlands and Islands MSP Mary Scanlon, who has lobbied for an audit. Last night, Mrs Scanlon said she was pleased the audit would be carried out but called on Audit Scotland to carry out a further inquiry into the number of contracts awarded to Rocket Science that did not go through a tendering process.

Maybe, just maybe, the fellow has been above board in his dealings, although his surname DOES sound a bit fishy. 

Queen's Corgis at Risk?

 

It’s been revealed that the owner/occupier of Buckingham Palace, London SW 1V, has seen her bank account plummet from £320 million to a mere £270 million, mainly due to her investment portfolio losing 30% of its value. I’m not sure how she’s going to cope, what with having all those utility bills to pay for, MOTs for Prince Philip’s carriage driving vehicles, and of course, keeping the corgis in the style to which they’ve become accustomed. Maybe she could lease out some of the 52 bedrooms to the hordes who congregate there every day. Failing that, charging £1 to use one of the 78 bathrooms would bring in some much needed pocket money.

I see that a chairperson has been appointed to an independent group to examine the future of bull hire programmes in crofting areas. This group announced a couple of days ago that they were to hold a meeting to see what kind of bulls were most suitable for the crofters. I think it would be a better idea if they were to decide what kind was most suitable for the cows, and I would suggest that they start by deciding that it should definitely be male.

I’ve always been aware of the fact that ants were excellent workers, but I didn’t know until this week that they could carry up to twenty times their own body weight, and move together to move heavier objects. However, it also came to my attention that the South American giant anteater consumes more than 30,000 ants a day, or 210,000 a week.  Although the anteaters’ numbers are estimated to have gone down to about 5,000, that’s still a lot of ants that aren’t going to reach pension age.

Britain’s Dismal Budget

Britain’s Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling, delivered his Budget speech a couple of hours ago, but before I have a quick look at it, I’d better mention Gordon Brown’s announcement yesterday concerning the ongoing row about MPs’ allowances and expenses. A formal statement by Commons’ Leader Harriet Harman revealed MPs may vote within a week on the package. It would scrap the discredited annual £24,000 London housing allowance for MPs’ whose main homes are in their constituencies, including the much-criticised “John Lewis list” of items ranging from fitted kitchens to plasma television screens to bath plugs for which they can claim. Mr Brown plans to sweep away the present system by July 1 and replace it temporarily with one under which MPs would receive a daily allowance based on attendance at Westminster. This might save a few pounds, but it sounds even sillier than the present arrangement. It’s rather similar to me, as a bricklayer, being told by my boss that I was assured of my wage at the end of the week, but that I would be paid expenses if I actually turned up on the building site, and shouted “’Ear, ’Ear” every time anyone else laid a brick or a block. No wonder Britain’s in a mess.

As I mentioned, the so called Budget was delivered earlier this afternoon – I’m not really sure if we can rightly call it a Budget, as there’s nothing in the coffers to budget with. Our fellow in charge at the Treasury, Mr Darling, seems very economical with the truth. During his difficult speech, he mentioned that even now, most people manage to find work within a couple of weeks. Does he honestly think that even the most fervent Labour supporter is going to believe such utter rubbish? A few months ago, he had announced that Britain’s economy would shrink by 1% -- today, his forecast was 3.5%. The Brahan Seer, Coinneach Odhar in Gaelic, was well known in the 17^th century for his prophecies, especially concerning the Highlands and Islands of Scotland. He was reputed to have been born in the Uig district of Lewis, where Alistair Darling now owns land and property, but obviously the gift of accurate foretelling has not rubbed off on him.

Of course, all Labour Governments have been known to run out of money, leaving the Tories to pick up the pieces, but I doubt if any of them have got Britain into the situation that it now finds itself in, as the country has double the debt that it had when Labour came to power. It doesn’t stop there, either, as the Chancellor announced that he would be borrowing a further £348 billion over the next 2 years. We cannot even begin to imagine those figures, as we search for the cheapest tin of baked beans on the supermarket shelves.

The car scrapping scheme, which he also announced this afternoon, is likely to raise, rather than reduce emissions. The carbon costs of manufacturing new cars – and the materials required to produce them – appear to outweigh the savings from driving more efficient models. There is no way, either, of ensuring that folk will buy an economical model of car – they can go to the garage and buy a Mercedes instead of their 2-door Vauxhall Corsa, for example. This scheme is obviously not about the environment or jobs.  It's simply another installment in the history of government subsidies for the motor industry. But in this case it's mostly the car industry in other countries that we'll be supporting, as 85% of our new cars come from abroad. This, to me, is absolutely stupid. The building and civil engineering sectors are those which have lost the biggest percentage of jobs during this recession, but nothing is done to help them. Investment in the construction industry would get hundreds of thousands back into work, because of the extra jobs generated in manufacturing and haulage businesses etc.

I have to stop here, as I need a calming smoke, and Mr Darling will be charging me more for a packet in an hour’s time.      

   

Immoral and Obscene?

In this year of recession, with some families struggling to put a meal on the table, never mind being able to afford their utility bills and mortgages, it seems obscene for thousands to be holding down two or more jobs. Of course, as I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s been happening at the top for years, with guys who are on the Boards of various companies companies etc, but what we should realise is that it’s happening across the whole employment spectrum. I was reminded of it yet again this morning, when I heard a radio show being plugged, along with its new presenter, who earns a good salary already as a teacher. As the show starts whilst he is still supposed to be imparting knowledge to his pupils, obviously the show has been recorded beforehand. It is still on air as he drives home, comfortable in the knowledge that his bank account is being increased, whilst others (some of whom are perfectly able to present the above mentioned radio show) are at home, wondering how they will manage to cope with the next week’s bills. Immoral, unethical? I certainly think so. Remember – he is only one of thousands in this situation.

 

I’m not sure if recession is to blame for the next incident or not. I happened to be at a wedding reception for some 180 guests a couple of weeks ago, and as I hadn’t been out for a meal in the preceding few months, I starved myself all day, in anticipation of a lovely meal being set in front of me. I chose soup for my starter dish – I deliberately haven’t mentioned what type of soup, as I’m still trying to figure that one out. There were about five spoonfuls of coloured water, with some bodies floating about it, which I assumed to be lentils, or something closely related to them. Suffice it to say that I don’t think even Oliver Twist would have asked for a second helping. The service was at snail’s pace, and by the time the main course appeared, I’d nearly forgotten if I’d had the soup or not. I had opted for roast beef – it certainly wasn’t roast, and I’m not too sure if it was beef, as it was nearly impossible to eat. In fact, on first inspection, I thought it hadn’t even paid a visit to the abattoir. The meat was still pink, and so tough that I wished there was a hardware shop nearby where I could purchase a Stanley knife, or maybe a mini hacksaw. The few vegetables accompanying the meat were also very much undercooked, and the gravy looked as if it was the soup, without the lentil lookalikes. I’ve wondered since then if the hotel was trying to save money by cutting down on the cooking times, thus their gas or electricity bills, or was it a case of the chef, if there was one, having arrived late, and dishing out the stuff partially cooked, so that we wouldn’t be having the meal at breakfast time the next morning.

 

Of course, it’s been said that every cloud has a silver lining, and that was true in this case, as there were no post wedding cases of food poisoning reported, seeing folk hadn’t been able to digest anything in the first place.