Another Year and Daft Commemorations etc.

A belated Happy New Year to you all – I meant to write something just after the bells on Friday night, but phone calls, emails, and visitors kept me occupied. I wrote ‘visitors’ there – actually I only had one of the human variety – the other two were members of the rana ridibunda family, or marsh frogs. My human visitor had obviously left the back door open when he arrived, and those two had hopped into the porch. I had to show them the door, as I’ve never had them on a plate before, and I didn’t intend to start the habit in 2011.

As it’s the beginning of another year, I thought I’d steer clear of the political pages today, and have a look at a couple of more lighthearted topics.

I think I’ve commented before now on the fact that something or someone is commemorated on every day in the year, thus making the various card companies a tidy sum of money. I’ve also noticed lately that we seem to have surveys cropping up all the time, and all over the place – newspapers, magazines, on the street, internet etc. Undoubtedly, some surveys are beneficial for various reasons, but the majority of them seem to serve no useful purpose, apart from, in some cases, physical exercise in the form of a lot of folk having to scratch their heads in bewilderment. I had a look at some surveys that I consider to have been a total waste of time and money, and came up with some conclusions and questions of my own – obviously I had plenty of time to spare as well!

For instance, 42% of people regularly eat in bed – do they have a bed in the dining room, do they partake of grub after retiring for the night, or do they hop into bed every time they feel peckish? 45% of teachers say behaviour in their most recent or current school is inadequate – do they mean good or bad behaviour? I ask because what was once considered right and wrong seems to have become rather muddled nowadays. Then there’s the fact that 50% of women watch wildlife programmes on television. Any connection between that and the fact that there are more female inmates in our jails, I wonder. 53% of men aged 35 were adamant that redheaded women are the most passionate. I would imagine that not many of the 53% will be fit to take the survey next year – if they stick to the redheads, that is.

Most of us have heard of the old joke about the Grand Canyon being started by a Scot who was looking for a penny that he’d dropped. It seems that some of them across the Pond really believe that most inventions attributed to Scots were inspired by our fondness for money. For example, some are of the opinion that Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone to save him fares when having to visit folk, and that John Logie Baird thought of the television as a means of saving on cinema tickets. In that case, my New Year Resolution is very simple this time around – invent something that will help to keep my siller in my pocket!

I mentioned the fact that so many days are used throughout the year to commemorate something or other, but having looked at the subject again, I see that we in Britain are, thankfully, lagging behind America. Over there, January alone has 34 monthly observances, 33 weekly, and 118 daily ones. Incredible! It is Bath Safety Month, National Soup Month, Oatmeal Month; weeks to be commemorated include Bald Eagle Appreciation Days, Cuckoo Dancing Week, National Fresh Squeezed Juice Week; the days to be immortalised have the following amongst others -- Happy Mew Year for Cats Day, Tom Thumb Day, Balloon Ascension Day (not sure if there’s a Descent Day), and Bean Day, presumably followed by Windy Day, although I haven’t checked!

Back nearer home, and that advert of Asda’s supermarkets, where a satisfied customer pats his bottom pocket to infer that he’s saved money by shopping with them, actually turned into reality for a few folk last Wednesday afternoon in Linwood, Renfrewshire. Tills at the Asda store in the town crashed for around an hour at lunchtime – it seems that when any of their tills are temporarily out of action that staff and customers can haggle over, and eventually agree on, prices. Needless to say, the customer WAS, IS, and WILL be always right, so there would have been a few smug grins in the area that night.

I thought I could lay off politicians etc for a few days, but feel that I must mention the Chancellor George Osborne, who enjoyed himself with a New Year break at Klosters, the ski resort. I seem to remember that he used the phrase, “we’re all in this together” when calling for massive cuts to get the country out of the red at the 2009 Tory Party Conference. Tycoon MP Zac Goldsmith was sunning himself at an £8,000 villa in the Caribbean – this a couple of days before the UK is due to be hit with hikes in VAT and fuel duty. Not to be outdone, the Speaker, John Bercrow, hosted a star-studded champagne New Year’s Eve party on the Commons riverside terrace, giving MPs a prime view of the capital’s fireworks display. Among the guests was the Prisons Minister, Crispin Blunt, while another fireworks display was causing millions of pounds worth of damage to one of his establishments. Ah well, maybe the political world still has the weirdest stories to give us after all.

Fàilte! Welcome!

Boxing Day 2007

Fàilte gu sgriobhaidhean gòrach bho Donaidh--chaneil fhios cò air a bhios mi a-mach anns na seachdainnean tha romhainn, ach tha mi'n dòchas gun còrd e ruibh co-dhiù. Welcome to Donnie's ramblings--who knows what I'll be on about in the coming weeks, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

As yesterday was Christmas Day, we'd better remember that there are only 365 shopping days left till next Christmas -- not 364 as you might have thought, because next year happens to be one of those Leap ones. Imagine that -- just 365 days left in which to choose presents again, and to get stressed out into the bargain. Of course, in Scotland, we can relax over the next month by celebrating Hogmanay (New Year's Eve to the uninitiated), when those of the male species traditionally go first footing. If you're the first person across somebody's threshold in the New Year, and you have a lump of coal, a bit of cake, some liquid (edible, such as Johnnie Walker) with you, as well as being dark haired (like I am), then that house is supposed to have good fortune for the coming year, and of course, you will be made very welcome. If your genes haven't blessed you with the afore mentioned dark hair, do not fret -- you can always rub the lump of coal into those strands up top, or of course, buy a wig, which will have to be well glued on or stapled, because of the 80 miles per hour gales.

We then spend a couple of days visiting old friends, or being visited by them, or even meeting in the pub if there's one situated between our respective houses. I nearly wrote "respectable houses" -- a bit of a gaffe at this time of year. Normal service is resumed for a few days, that is until the 25th, when we tuck into our neeps and haggis in honour of our National Bard, Rabbie Burns. The above mentioned Johnnie Walker, or one of his associates, is always handy to have around on this date as well. Of course, you can eat haggis on any day of the year, but they taste better at this time, being in season and having been freshly caught. For us, therefore, that leaves only 11 months until Christmas, which is quite a relief. We used to have an Old New Year (if you can work that one out) on the 12th of January, but gave it up, as the other one carries on till then anyway.