Another Year and Daft Commemorations etc.

A belated Happy New Year to you all – I meant to write something just after the bells on Friday night, but phone calls, emails, and visitors kept me occupied. I wrote ‘visitors’ there – actually I only had one of the human variety – the other two were members of the rana ridibunda family, or marsh frogs. My human visitor had obviously left the back door open when he arrived, and those two had hopped into the porch. I had to show them the door, as I’ve never had them on a plate before, and I didn’t intend to start the habit in 2011.

As it’s the beginning of another year, I thought I’d steer clear of the political pages today, and have a look at a couple of more lighthearted topics.

I think I’ve commented before now on the fact that something or someone is commemorated on every day in the year, thus making the various card companies a tidy sum of money. I’ve also noticed lately that we seem to have surveys cropping up all the time, and all over the place – newspapers, magazines, on the street, internet etc. Undoubtedly, some surveys are beneficial for various reasons, but the majority of them seem to serve no useful purpose, apart from, in some cases, physical exercise in the form of a lot of folk having to scratch their heads in bewilderment. I had a look at some surveys that I consider to have been a total waste of time and money, and came up with some conclusions and questions of my own – obviously I had plenty of time to spare as well!

For instance, 42% of people regularly eat in bed – do they have a bed in the dining room, do they partake of grub after retiring for the night, or do they hop into bed every time they feel peckish? 45% of teachers say behaviour in their most recent or current school is inadequate – do they mean good or bad behaviour? I ask because what was once considered right and wrong seems to have become rather muddled nowadays. Then there’s the fact that 50% of women watch wildlife programmes on television. Any connection between that and the fact that there are more female inmates in our jails, I wonder. 53% of men aged 35 were adamant that redheaded women are the most passionate. I would imagine that not many of the 53% will be fit to take the survey next year – if they stick to the redheads, that is.

Most of us have heard of the old joke about the Grand Canyon being started by a Scot who was looking for a penny that he’d dropped. It seems that some of them across the Pond really believe that most inventions attributed to Scots were inspired by our fondness for money. For example, some are of the opinion that Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone to save him fares when having to visit folk, and that John Logie Baird thought of the television as a means of saving on cinema tickets. In that case, my New Year Resolution is very simple this time around – invent something that will help to keep my siller in my pocket!

I mentioned the fact that so many days are used throughout the year to commemorate something or other, but having looked at the subject again, I see that we in Britain are, thankfully, lagging behind America. Over there, January alone has 34 monthly observances, 33 weekly, and 118 daily ones. Incredible! It is Bath Safety Month, National Soup Month, Oatmeal Month; weeks to be commemorated include Bald Eagle Appreciation Days, Cuckoo Dancing Week, National Fresh Squeezed Juice Week; the days to be immortalised have the following amongst others -- Happy Mew Year for Cats Day, Tom Thumb Day, Balloon Ascension Day (not sure if there’s a Descent Day), and Bean Day, presumably followed by Windy Day, although I haven’t checked!

Back nearer home, and that advert of Asda’s supermarkets, where a satisfied customer pats his bottom pocket to infer that he’s saved money by shopping with them, actually turned into reality for a few folk last Wednesday afternoon in Linwood, Renfrewshire. Tills at the Asda store in the town crashed for around an hour at lunchtime – it seems that when any of their tills are temporarily out of action that staff and customers can haggle over, and eventually agree on, prices. Needless to say, the customer WAS, IS, and WILL be always right, so there would have been a few smug grins in the area that night.

I thought I could lay off politicians etc for a few days, but feel that I must mention the Chancellor George Osborne, who enjoyed himself with a New Year break at Klosters, the ski resort. I seem to remember that he used the phrase, “we’re all in this together” when calling for massive cuts to get the country out of the red at the 2009 Tory Party Conference. Tycoon MP Zac Goldsmith was sunning himself at an £8,000 villa in the Caribbean – this a couple of days before the UK is due to be hit with hikes in VAT and fuel duty. Not to be outdone, the Speaker, John Bercrow, hosted a star-studded champagne New Year’s Eve party on the Commons riverside terrace, giving MPs a prime view of the capital’s fireworks display. Among the guests was the Prisons Minister, Crispin Blunt, while another fireworks display was causing millions of pounds worth of damage to one of his establishments. Ah well, maybe the political world still has the weirdest stories to give us after all.

Scandal in Politics and Football

Because of other commitments, I haven’t been able to write a post to this blog for the past couple of weeks. I’ve kept an eye on the news during that time though, and it’s no surprise that politics, or rather, sleaze in politics, has been the main issue being covered in newspapers, and on TV and radio. As always, commentators and journalists invent a main name for the current scandal, in this case “smear”, then add the inevitable “gate” to it, thus giving us the highly original name, “Smeargate”. Do those guys not realise that the original case in 1972/73, involving President Nixon, was named “Watergate” because it was the actual name of a place, the Watergate Hotel and Office complex. It obviously follows that it simply doesn’t make sense to keep adding “gate” to the name they concoct for any new sleaze story that emerges.

 

Of course, about two weeks ago, we had the infamous “Boozegate” here in Scotland, when two Scotland international football players were deemed to be out of order for still gargling with alcoholic beverages at Sunday lunchtime, after being in the bar from around 4.30am. They might have cleared their throats, but obviously not their minds, as their behaviour at the Scotland-Iceland match on the following Wednesday night showed. As far as I’m concerned, they should not have been named as substitutes for the game, but seeing they were, they should have sat there, looking contrite, and supporting their team mates. They chose instead to flash ‘V’ signs at the photographers, which could also be construed as being offensive gestures to every Scottish fan. Obviously, this was not done on the spur of the moment by two individuals – that would be too much of a coincidence, and as I don’t think either of them has the intellect necessary to think of carrying out those actions, I keep wondering if someone involved with the media masterminded the whole thing. In any case, the whole episode proved beyond doubt that we have a bunch of bungling idiots running the Scottish Football Association, who don’t need to be in a bar for 7 hours in order to come to some crazy decisions.

 

I’ve referred to Jade Goody before now in this blog, and after her death last month, I hoped that the media hype concerning her would have stopped by now – that she would be remembered best for the awareness of cervical cancer that her illness prompted. Not so, I’m afraid. Jack Tweed, who got married to her a few weeks before she died, has been jailed again, this time for assaulting a taxi driver. Only last Friday, he was pictured leaving a giant Cadbury’s crème egg at her graveside. It might have been her favourite treat, but she’s gone Jack. Before becoming a resident at one of the Queen’s residences, it’s reported that he also visited Madame Tussaud’s, for talks about immortalising her as a waxwork. It seems that Jade had said that she’d love to have a statue made of her, especially as it would help her sons to remember her. I don’t think they’ll bother to amble into Madame Tussaud’s every day, but I’m sure that a photo in the wallet would serve the purpose, and I somehow don’t think it would cost as much either.