Teeth and Terrorists

The British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has still to give us his opinion on whether Kenny MacAskill, the Scottish Justice Minister, was right in releasing the so-called Lockerbie bomber, Abdel-baset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that his own Westminster Government freed Ronnie Biggs, one of the Great Train Robbery perpetrators, just a few weeks earlier. Like Megrahi, he (Biggs) has never shown remorse for the crimes that they had been convicted of. There was never any doubt about Biggs’ involvement, but most would agree that Megrahi was simply a pawn in a much wider political game. Whatever the rights and wrongs of his release, I find it highly objectionable that FBI director Robert Mueller should criticise Mr MacAskill – I think he should look closer to home, where he will find a justice system that isn’t exactly squeaky clean. Despite his Government’s statements to the contrary, political prisoners have been and still are, tortured, and futher afield, some of their military haven’t exactly covered themselves in glory whilst serving in Iraq. Innocent men, women, and children there have been tortured and slaughtered by them, so I think Mr Mueller should have a look at the beam in his own eye before commenting on the splinter in ours.

As someone with an interest in money, or more precisely, the lack of it, I don’t suppose I should have been surprised when I read that some dentists in Scotland are fairly raking it in nowadays. 24 of them earned over £300,000 last year, with 138 having over £200,000 jangling in their pockets. They seem to have become experts at more than just filling molar cavities.

I’m not sure how many KPWs they could earn in North Korea, but there might soon be vacancies for more dentists in that country of povert and nuclear weapons. In yet another demonstration of his love for the people of North Korea, “Dear Leader” Kim Jong Il has decided to expand the list of foods they will never get a chance to enjoy.No longer must the average worker restrict his hungry fantasizing to such staples as rice, beef, kimchi, and tofu. Now he can take pride in knowing that while he and his family waste away with malnutrition, the country’s elite are enjoying such exotic foreign items as pizza and hamburgers. It seemed like big news when word leaked out that North Korea was producing its own Taedong River Beer, but throw in hamburgers and pizza as well, and you can’t help thinking we’re witnessing the disintegration of the workers’ paradise as we knew it. What’s next for Pyongyang, popcorn and the Superbowl?

A Proper Charlie!

Mr Camilla, or Prince Charles, he of the greying heir, seems to be putting his foot into everything this week. A couple of days ago, he quit as patron of the Society for the Protection of Ancient Buildings after it axed a foreword he had written for a book on restoring old houses.

He is understood to have resigned after officials voiced concern about his 'intransigent' attitude to restoration.

The society was founded by the socialist architect and designer William Morris in 1877. Despite its title, it also believes in using the best of modern design in traditional restoration projects and includes a chapter in its book, Old House Handbook, explaining this.

It had been hoped that Charles, who took over as figurehead for the organisation following the death of the Queen Mother in 2003, would write a supportive foreword to the book, a guide for those who are repairing old buildings. But the prince is understood to have particularly objected to the suggestion that restoring old houses in their original style often results in a 'pastiche' – an unflattering hotchpotch of materials and forms taken from different sources –and took pains to say as much.

When society officials asked his office whether the offending paragraphs could be taken out, the answer came back that it was all or nothing .As a result, the charity decided to write its own foreword. Charles felt he was being unfairly censored and resigned in an apparent huff.

To help him get over this fit of pique presumably, he sat down last night to a meal given by the Marine Stewardship Council at Clarence House. In a speech to fish industry representatives, he said science had shown the world was facing a “nightmare collapse in stocks” without action.

But trawlermen’s leaders said the heir to the throne’s comments were “unhelpful and outdated”.

He was accused of ignoring the Scottish fleet’s efforts to conserve stocks – and was urged to listen to fishermen rather than scientists. told guests: “The science tells us very clearly that if we continue to fish without any care for the long-term sustainability of fish stocks, we will soon face a nightmare collapse in stocks and inevitable starvation amongst the world’s poorest people. So I think the debate about the marine environment is rather like that which surrounded climate change in the 1980s. Back then, climate change was something about which a few people were trying very hard to make their voices heard, occasionally myself, but nobody wanted to listen.”

He added: “Over the years, I’ve tried to make speeches and hold seminars and those things about the fishing problem, but again it has been very difficult to get the attention of all sorts of people, agencies, organisers and the consumer – the subject was quite literally out of sight and out of mind.”

Later on last night, John Buchan, skipper of the Peterhead-registered Fairline, who spearheaded a campaign to save Scotland’s fleet eight years ago, said: “Prince Charles is clearly out of date as far as Scotland is concerned. Our six main stocks are now in a very healthy state, or are getting that way very quickly. When it comes to talking about conservation, Prince Charles needs to hear from the Scottish fishermen.”

Methinks he is only worried about the preservation of the sturgeon, and the resulting black caviar. I read somewhere last week that turtles can breathe through their butts, but I reckon some people can as well.

MPs, Expenses, and Elephants

I mentioned Willie Roe on 6^th May, in connection with contracts that his consultancy firm, Rocket Science, had been awarded by Highlands and Islands Enterprise, the quango of which he is chairman. He is to step down from the company following an investigation into contracts worth £150,000 that it won from the development agency. The audit found that William Roe’s company did not benefit from his HIE position, but he said he was quitting Edinburgh-based Rocket Science to prevent any “perception of a conflict of interests”. He said: “I asked myself if there could be an even higher standard of separation of functions that would prevent any possible perception of a conflict of interest arising in the future. As a result, I decided on May 21 that, irrespective of the outcome of the HIE review, I would completely separate my public service functions from my private business interests.” Does this mean that he loses out on money from his private interests? Of course not! However, he would have lost quite a bit over the next 3 years if he had resigned from his cushy chairman’s post. Should he still be in that post? Just ask the bosses of many small firms who were not even allowed to apply for those contracts, and the answer will be readily apparent.

As the fuss over MPs’ expenses has fizzled out, at least for the moment, we should look at the body that allowed those outrageous claims to be rubber stamped. The Fees Office has for years been the custodian of “The System”, which originally stated that expenses could only be allowed if they were absolutely unavoidable for an MP to do his or her job. Actually, The Additional Costs Allowance, which seems to be at the root of all the trouble, was introduced in 1971 during Edward Heat’s days. (I wonder if he was one of the first to claim, maybe for a conductor’s baton, or gold plated taps for his yacht). At that time, it was capped at a few hundred pounds, but was raised to many thousands of pounds under the leadership of Tony Blair, the supreme conman. With that carrot being dangled in front of them, is it any wonder that many stood for Parliament who do not care a hoot for their constituents, but only for their reinforced pockets?

I would think that the main aim of most MPs, once elected, is to make sure that they are elected again, given the amount of money that they receive for doing practically nothing. Hence, although most of his MPs would like to see Gordon Brown step down as Prime Minister, they decided on Monday night to give him another chance. Not out of any love for the PM, but because they thought that having another unelected leader of Government would lead to an imminent General Election, when a lot of them would lose their seats. Actually, even with a later Election, a lot of them will lose their seats, as the British public has been roused from their customary apathy by the stream of revelations in the past few weeks.

Given the dire state of the economy in most countries at the present time, it seems preposterous for a football club to be dishing out around £138 million for two football players. The club will recoup the money, of course, some of it from sponsorship, but also from fans who will be shelling out more than half their weekly wages on admittance to games, and on related items, thus leaving them and their families in even more poverty. I’ve also read that over £1.4 billion is spent each year on pet food – four times the amount spent on baby food. A world gone mad, with its priorities all mixed up.

On a happier note, being one of those folk suffering from a nervous disposition, I was very relieved to hear that an elephant is the only mammal that cannot jump. I’ll feel so much safer when I’m on my next annual trip to Africa.

Six MPs and a Funeral

A glimmer of hope for the British public this morning, I suppose, as one of David Cameron’s key aides has resigned over his expenses claims. Andrew MacKay stepped down as Cameron's senior parliamentary and political adviser less than 24 hours after telling his local paper he was confident there was nothing "unreasonable" in the expenses he claimed over the past four years. However, Cameron said MacKay had made "unacceptable" claims, adding: "He will go before scrutiny to determine how much of that money needs to be repaid." The Bracknell MP, who is married to fellow Tory Julie Kirkbride, the MP for Bromsgrove, claimed £22,575 second home allowance for interest on their joint mortgage for a London home until April this year. At the same time, Kirkbride – who was previously a political corespondent for the Telegraph, which has sparked the latest furore over expenses by printing leaked details of claims – registered the London property as her main home and takes second home allowances for the Bromsgrove home they also share. Utterly shocking! I would imagine that the Telegraph will publish information about more pairs of married MPs in the days ahead, such as Sir Nicholas and Ann Winterton, and the Northern Ireland First Minister Peter Robinson and his wife Iris.

 

Earlier this morning, we were told about Elliot Morley, a former Labour Minister, who claimed £16.000 of parliamentary expenses for a mortgage that had already been paid off. Mr Morley, the ex-agriculture minister, continued claiming for the mortgage interest on his constituency home for more than 18 months after the loan had been repaid. The disclosure is the most serious to be uncovered so far by The Daily Telegraph during the week-long investigation into MPs’ expenses. Gordon Brown is said to be "very concerned" over the allegations about Mr Morley. On Wednesday night, Mr Morley apologised and said that he had informed the Chief Whip and the parliamentary fees office. He said he had repaid some money but refused to disclose how much. In a statement issued to The Telegraph, he said: “I do not believe any offence has been committed. I have reported this to the finance department and chief whip. I have made a mistake, I apologise for that and I take full responsibility. My priority was to repay and if I suffer financially as a result of that, I have only myself to blame.”

 

It can also be disclosed that, in November 2007, Mr Morley “flipped” his designated second home from the Scunthorpe house to his London property - and the dubious mortgage claims were never uncovered. Mr Morley, a former government whip and privy councillor, was renting out the London property, which was designated as his “main residence”, to another Labour MP. Ian Cawsey, a Labour Party vice-chairman, who was renting the house, said last night he was unaware that the property was also Mr Morley’s main residence. It is unclear where Mr Morley was actually living in London. For four months after Mr Morley “flipped” his homes, the former minister claimed full mortgage interest on the London house and Mr Cawsey, who had designated the house as his second home, continued to claim £1,000 a month for the same property in rent. The rent money was paid to Mr Morley.

 

Fabian Hamilton, a Labour MP, declared his mother’s London house as his “main” residence — allowing him to claim thousands of pounds for his family home in Leeds. In 2004, the MP admitted over-claiming on his expenses by nearly £3,000, charging for the full cost of his mortgage — rather than simply the interest as is permitted….John Maples, the deputy chairman of the Conservative Party, declared that a room in his private members’ club in Pall Mall, London, was his main home. This allowed him to spend money on his family’s Oxfordshire home…. Stephen Crabb, a Conservative MP, claimed his “main home” was a room in a flat rented by another MP, after buying a new house for his family in Wales and claiming £9,300 in stamp duty. He had previously “flipped” his second home to the family house from another London flat that was sold for a profit after more than £8,000 in taxpayer-funded refurbishments. It would probably be easier for the Telegraph to publish the names of those who have conducted their affairs in an ethical manner, and have only claimed for those expenses needed in connection with their Parliamentary work. That is, of course, if they can find any.

 

No cheques from the Fees Office in my post yesterday, but there WAS correspondence from an insurance company, asking me to take out a policy for my funeral. As a thank you for joining up, I was to be given a gift, either a satellite navigation system, presumably to show me the quickest route to the undertaker’s office, or a case of fine wines – I don’t think the latter is a good idea for the company’s finances, as it could hasten my demise, thus stopping my monthly premiums to them, and their having to pay out the policy to my loved ones. 

Liberal Democrats' Day of Reckoning

 

 

It was the turn of the Liberal Democrats today for some of their outrageous expense claims to be published. Andrew George, the MP for St Ives, claims £847 a month from taxpayers on mortgage interest payments for his riverside flat. But the home insurance policy included on his expenses file is in the name of his 21-year-old daughter, Morvah George, a student who has worked as a professional model and as an intern for her father in Parliament. Mr George admitted that his daughter kept some of her belongings there and used it as a “bolt-hole” but denied she spent more time there than him. He said his insurers had prevented him from being named on the policy as well as on one at his Cornish home. Mr George’s claims reveal how MPs are able to use the system to buy properties from which their families can benefit.

 

Nick Harvey, who helps oversee the administration of parliament, received letters from the fees office telling him to submit copies of his mortgage statements and bills for his cleaner. Mr Harvey, the MP for North Devon, has claimed second homes allowances totalling £143,658 for his house in London, including interest payments on his £340,000 mortgage, which were £1,258 per month in June 2008. The Liberal Democrat spokesman on defence also claims £30 per month for his subscription to Sky Sports and claimed £3,515 for food between 2004 and 2008.

 

Chris Huhne, 54, the LibDems’ Home Affairs spokesman, is one of parliament’s wealthiest MPs, having built a fortune during his previous career as a City economist, where he founded his own ratings company. He owns his second home in his Eastleigh constituency in Hampshire outright but regularly claims for its renovation. In August 2006 he was reimbursed for a £5,066 builder’s invoice that included having two coats of “red rustic timber care” applied to garden items, and two coats of green preservative for fences. On another occasion Mr Huhne submitted a handyman’s bill for £77.31, covering odd jobs such as “replacing rope on swinging chair”.  Mr Huhne’s constituency home is one of seven he owns in Britain. As well as his London residence in Clapham, he owns five properties in London and Oxford, from which he receives rental income, according to his entry in the register of members’ interests. He also has a share of a holiday home in France, while his wife, Vicky Pryce, the chief economic adviser to the Department of Trade and Industry, owns a property in Greece. Mr Huhne’s claims under the additional costs allowance include a bill for £119 for a Corby trouser press, finished in mahogany, from John Lewis. His incidental expenses provision claims, which cover the running costs of his offices in London and in his constituency, include a single receipt for semi-skimmed milk (62p), and others for chocolate HobNobs (79p), tea bags (89p) and a bus ticket (£3.20). Among the items carefully crossed off on the receipts are a cheese muffin (99p), bacon flavour Wheat Crunchies (28p) and Ready Brek (£1.81). One of his most unusual claims is an £85.35 bill for the “mounting, framing and inscription of photo of Chris Huhne”. "Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity." (Ecclesiastes 12:8). Compare all this to the fact that six beds were removed from a hospital in the Isle of Skye on Monday, supposedly to save money. Compare it to the fact that there was only one ambulance serving the Shetland Islands until now. Should it really come as a surprise to those people that the natives in every part of the UK might be getting restless?

 

 

Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrat leader, said MPs should have to return any profits they make on their second homes to the taxpayer. As the spotlight on MPs' expenses turned on his party, Mr Clegg said he had always intended to give back any profits that he makes when he eventually comes to sell up. He said he could now be requiring members of his frontbench team to do the same until there were new rules in place. He is obviously following in the footsteps of David Cameron and Gordon Brown, who have suddenly been laying down the law to their own members. What utter hypocrisy! Not a word would have been said by any of them if the whole sorry scandal hadn’t been exposed. The bulls in Texas are a poor second when it comes to fertilising grass. Talking of Texas, the world record for throwing and catching a raw unbroken egg was set in 1978 in the Lone Star state, when Johnny Dell Foley threw a fresh egg 323ft 2ins (98.51m) to his cousin Keith Thomas. 31 years on, and we could do with champion egg throwers again, preferably using the rotten variety.

Thanks for the Toilet Seat and the Manure!

The revelations in the UK’s Telegraph newspaper over the past few days regarding MPs’ expenses are mind boggling, to say the least. Lord Mandelson billed taxpayers almost £3,000 for work carried out on his constituency home in Hartlepool less than a week after he announced his decision to stand down as an MP. The Business Secretary renovated the terrace house in 2004 before selling it and making a profit of £136,000….over five years, Mr David Miliband spent just under £30,000 on repairs, decoration and furnishings for his £120,000 home in South Shields. On at least one occasion, he exceeded the maximum allowable amount and had his claim cut back. Mr Miliband, the current Foreign Secretary, spent up to £180 every three months on his garden, prompting his own gardener at one point to ask whether all the work was required….Hazel Blears, Communities Secretary, claimed for three properties in a single year at taxpayers’ expense. Miss Blears, who  is responsible for housing policy, also spent time in one of London’s most fashionable hotels paid for from public funds. In March, 2004, Miss Blears stated that her second home was the property she owned in her Salford constituency. During that month she bought an £850 television set and video recorder from Selfridges, and a £651 mattress from Marks & Spencer. Her mortgage on the Salford property, which she has owned with her husband since June, 1997, was £300 a month. The following month she changed her declaration and began claiming that a flat in Kennington, south London, was her second home. She started claiming £850 a month for the mortgage on the flat….David Willetts, the Shadow Innovation, Universities and Skills Secretary is nicknamed "Two Brains" because of his formidable intellect,  but his expenses suggest he cannot work out how to change a light bulb. Mr Willetts billed the taxpayer £115 plus VAT for workmen to replace 25 light bulbs at his second home in west London. On the same bill, Mr Willetts charged another £80 to “change lights in bathroom”, part of a £2,191.38 invoice for odd jobs that included cleaning a shower head….we have John Prescott, who would presumably have been happy using the ship’s heads during his Merchant Navy days, claiming for two toilet seats in the space of a year. Going by his bulk, I suppose we should be relieved that he only broke the two.

 

On the Conservative side, we have James Arbuthnot claiming £1,471 in the period 2006-07 for pool maintenance at a house he rented before buying a £2 million home without a mortgage two years ago…. Douglas Hogg, the former agriculture secretary, submitted a claim form including more than £2,000 for the moat around his country estate to be cleared. The taxpayer also helped meet the cost of a full-time housekeeper, including her car. The public finances also helped pay for work to Mr Hogg’s stables and for his piano to be tuned…. Sir Michael Spicer, the Conservatives’ most senior backbench MP, claimed £5,650 in nine months for his garden to be maintained. In December 2006, he submitted a detailed invoice which included “hedge cutting ... helipad”, although he claimed last night that the “helipad” was a “family joke”. The Conservative grandee successfully claimed for the costs of hanging a chandelier in his main manor house…. Michael Ancram, who is the Marquess of Lothian, claimed more than £14,000 a year in expenses while owning three properties, none of which have a mortgage and are worth an estimated £8 million…. David Heathcoat-Amory claimed for more than £380 of horse manure for his garden. A comment springs to mind, but I won’t bother to scribble it down – I’ll leave it to the reader’s fertile imagination.

There have been some outrageous smaller claims over the past few years, such as £1.65 for a bottle of shampoo for a balding Labour backbencher in 2007, £2.22 for two packs of Tampax for a MALE Conservative MP, who seems to have lost more than his seat in 2005, and 5p for an Ikea carrier bag, claimed by a Scottish Labour MP. Quite a few of them have claimed for biscuits as well, both doggie ones, and the chocolate variety, the latter presumably for themselves. 

 

Correspondence seen by The Daily Telegraph suggests that some of the MPs have been claiming for their country homes for many years, stretching back to when receipts were not necessary for parliamentary expenses. When they were required to produce detailed receipts about five years ago, they began simply producing statements listing all the costs of their homes. In some cases, the Fees Office agreed to pay the maximum allowance after coming under pressure from the MPs. The Fees Office is supposed to check on claims, and to report excessive claims to the Commons Speaker. Obviously, if they haven’t been carrying out their duties properly, then the fault lies at their door, but if they HAVE made the Speaker aware of some of the more ridiculous claims, then his job must surely be on the line.

 

Those disclosures have finally forced my hand – I’ll be standing for the Freeloaders Party at the next election. If you happen to live in my constituency, please make sure that you put the cross beside my name, as I’ll be assured of scoffing as many Jaffa Cakes as I can, at your expense of course.

 

Willie Roe – Will He Go?

After the fuss over the past couple of weeks concerning MPs’ expenses, second houses etc, I thought that things had cooled down somewhat. Not a chance! Quangos have always been rather dodgy in my opinion, and the latest story concerning one of them has only added to my misgivings. It was revealed last weekend that Highlands and Islands Enterprise is to carry out an internal audit of contracts worth almost £100,000 that were awarded to a consultancy firm run by the agency’s chairman. The investigation will examine 15 contracts awarded to Edinburgh-based Rocket Science, which is run by William Roe, who is also the chairman of HIE.

The announcement of the audit, which will be overseen by Audit Scotland, comes a month after Mr Roe’s company repaid HIE an £8,000 consultancy fee following an allegation that Rocket Science plagiarised information from two academic studies. The audit will establish whether there was any further plagiarism in another 14 contracts – worth a combined £95,494 – that were awarded to Rocket Science between 2005 and this year. The decision to investigate was revealed in a letter from Audit Scotland to Highlands and Islands MSP Mary Scanlon, who has lobbied for an audit. Last night, Mrs Scanlon said she was pleased the audit would be carried out but called on Audit Scotland to carry out a further inquiry into the number of contracts awarded to Rocket Science that did not go through a tendering process.

Maybe, just maybe, the fellow has been above board in his dealings, although his surname DOES sound a bit fishy.