So Red Ed is not dead after all, but very much alive and kicking, after he came from behind on Saturday to beat his brother David in the Labour Party leadership election by just 1.3%. David had more support from MPs and party activists, but Ed won through thanks mainly to the votes of union members.
One of his first tasks was to try and rubbish Tories’ claims that he was now in the unions’ pockets. However, they (the unions) will undoubtedly consider him as THEIR man, and will demand their pound of flesh somewhere down the line. He will discover that it’s rather difficult to appese them whilst trying to keep some of his MPs happy as well. He also informed the media yesterday that since his election on Saturday afternoon, folk have been joining the Labour ranks at the rate of one per minute. That’s 1,440 a day; 10,080 a week, or over one million new members within two years. Surely those new members, along with the existing party faithful, should be enough to see him safely into No 10 at the next election, as long as he remembers to bow the knee to the bigger unions as well, of course.
I see that trainee nurses are now to attend lectures on how to listen to patients, and show compassion towards them. Now, maybe I come from a bygone age, but I was led to believe that kindness and compassion towards their fellow beings was part and parcel of a nurse’s job. Indeed, we were told that it was more of a calling for them, and not so much of a job. The scheme has been added to the nursing student curriculum at Edinburgh’s Napier University following a £1 million, 3 year survey of patients, relatives, and nursing students sponsored by Ann Gloag, Stagecoach tycoon and former nurse. It seems ironic that the money was given by a woman who went to court, and successfully managed to get the public banned from part of her Kinfauns Castle estate in Perthshire. Is that the type of compassion that she had whilst a nurse, and is it the kind of attitude that she would like the student nurses to have?
Hundreds of bird watchers have flocked to Norfolk to catch a glimpse of a yellow-bellied flycatcher, which has been spotted for the first time in Europe. The 5 inch bird, which usually migrates to Mexico and Central America, is obviously no coward, as it has landed up to 4,000 miles off course. Maybe it just got fed up of going to the same bogs over there each year, and has heard that one can get around here fairly easily using Ryanair.
Talking of flights, and folk who are involved in such, it is being reported that the UN is to appoint a space ambassador to act as the first point of contact with any aliens who want to make contact with us after landing on our planet. They are set to give the job to Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, who is currently head of the little known Office for Outer Space Affairs. Presumably, they will be intellectually more advanced than us, and to save room in their craft, they will probably be sent by their leaders as individual sort of flatpacks, to be assembled on touching down here. I would imagine that their first words might be, “ Greetings, Madame Othman, we come in pieces”.
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Jumbites: Healthcare in UK
Jumbites: Healthcare in UK: "Having been getting cancer treatment for the past 15 weeks, and having had an operation a couple of weeks prior to that, I was interested to..."
Healthcare in UK
Having been getting cancer treatment for the past 15 weeks, and having had an operation a couple of weeks prior to that, I was interested to read in a newspaper article today that when it comes to most types of cancer care, the UK is well below average compared to other developed countries. In fact, in every major cancer, survival chances in Britain are lower than in other advanced European countries. There are various reasons which, when taken together, account for this second rate service. In France, for example, it would be unacceptable to have a cancer patient wait for more than a week between diagnosis and treatment, whereas in Britain, much longer waits are not unusual. The latest drugs are used far more quickly in Europe, and the average use of drugs introduced there is three times higher than in the UK, according to a survey by the Swedish Karolinska Institute. We also have a shortage of modern radiotherapy equipment; a survey of radiologists has shown that three out of four patients who would have benefited from from the use of the most advanced radiotherapy were treated, instead, with old machines. This was brought home to me yesterday – I was meant to be having my first shot of radiotherapy, but having gone in for my appointment, I was told that the machine was out of order, and would not be up and running till the following day. Older technology, of course, means more damage is done to healthy tissue.
This below standard of treatment of cancer patients in Britain is sadly also reflected in the relatively poor treatment of other diseases. We has fewer doctors per thousand of population than other advanced countries, fewer hospital beds for acute care, fewer CT scanners, and only a fraction of the numbers of MRI scanners in say, Austria or Finland. Having said that, I’m sure that many thousands of other patients will agree with me that the nursing staff are excellent, carrying out difficult tasks during their long shifts, although being hampered by having to deal with mounds of paperwork. This is true throughout hospitals in this country – for example, one survey has shown that in operating theatres, less than half the time scheduled for operations was actually used for surgery. Instead, vast amounts of time were spent on administration work.
Of course, it was revealed earlier on this week that more than 9,000 public sector workers in Britain are earning more than the Prime Minister (£142,500), and 38,000 earning above £100,000, with the NHS having the highest number of high earners (more than 26,000 on more than £100,000). If this coalition government really wants to be taken seriously, they should cut back on some of those jobs, and on the salaries, with extra money being given to frontline services, so that the UK could be seen again as a country that cares for those who DO need care.
After the expenses scandal at Westminster last year, it seems that MSPs north of the border still like to buy the odd item with what amounts to being the taxpayer’s money. Enterprise Minister Jim Mather claimed £403 for a number of books, probably not to do with thrift, and Alex Salmond, the First Minister, was short of £180 for a new bookcase, which will presumably be filled with weighty tomes someday. His Justice Minister, Kenny MacAskill, has managed to obtain extra panic buttons for his office at a cost of £2,200, as well as further running costs of £550 a year. Of course, it can be argued that his ‘soft touch’ justice policies put the rest of us, the great Scottish public, at increased risk of violence, but I’m afraid that we’ll have to do with using a squeaky toy out of the local cornershop if we’re being attacked and need to draw attention to ourselves.
Workers at Tunnocks of Uddingston, whose caramel logs and wafers, along with other well known biscuits, are world famous, are set to go on strike next Thursday and Tuesday after rejecting a pay offer of 2%. For those of us who love one or other of their chocolate titbits, let’s hope that this proves to be a storm in a teacake, and that it won’t be allowed to snowball.
This below standard of treatment of cancer patients in Britain is sadly also reflected in the relatively poor treatment of other diseases. We has fewer doctors per thousand of population than other advanced countries, fewer hospital beds for acute care, fewer CT scanners, and only a fraction of the numbers of MRI scanners in say, Austria or Finland. Having said that, I’m sure that many thousands of other patients will agree with me that the nursing staff are excellent, carrying out difficult tasks during their long shifts, although being hampered by having to deal with mounds of paperwork. This is true throughout hospitals in this country – for example, one survey has shown that in operating theatres, less than half the time scheduled for operations was actually used for surgery. Instead, vast amounts of time were spent on administration work.
Of course, it was revealed earlier on this week that more than 9,000 public sector workers in Britain are earning more than the Prime Minister (£142,500), and 38,000 earning above £100,000, with the NHS having the highest number of high earners (more than 26,000 on more than £100,000). If this coalition government really wants to be taken seriously, they should cut back on some of those jobs, and on the salaries, with extra money being given to frontline services, so that the UK could be seen again as a country that cares for those who DO need care.
After the expenses scandal at Westminster last year, it seems that MSPs north of the border still like to buy the odd item with what amounts to being the taxpayer’s money. Enterprise Minister Jim Mather claimed £403 for a number of books, probably not to do with thrift, and Alex Salmond, the First Minister, was short of £180 for a new bookcase, which will presumably be filled with weighty tomes someday. His Justice Minister, Kenny MacAskill, has managed to obtain extra panic buttons for his office at a cost of £2,200, as well as further running costs of £550 a year. Of course, it can be argued that his ‘soft touch’ justice policies put the rest of us, the great Scottish public, at increased risk of violence, but I’m afraid that we’ll have to do with using a squeaky toy out of the local cornershop if we’re being attacked and need to draw attention to ourselves.
Workers at Tunnocks of Uddingston, whose caramel logs and wafers, along with other well known biscuits, are world famous, are set to go on strike next Thursday and Tuesday after rejecting a pay offer of 2%. For those of us who love one or other of their chocolate titbits, let’s hope that this proves to be a storm in a teacake, and that it won’t be allowed to snowball.
Saturday, 11 September 2010
Salmond, Pets, and Frenchmen
Doubts have been raised over whether the Westminster Coalition Government will press ahead with the £5 billion plan to build 2 aircraft carriers in Rosyth, and on the Clyde. About 10,000 defence jobs could be at risk, and Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond, had publicly called for all Holyrood parties to take part in discussions aimed at safeguarding those jobs. The talks will go ahead on Monday, but minus the wanderer Mr Salmond, who will be in Bilbao instead, meeting senior executives of Spanish energy giants Iberdrola, owners of Scottish Power. He is expected to make what a spokesman described as “a significant announcement on wave energy development.” Could he not make that announcement in Scotland, or is the attraction of paella, chorizo, and aguardiente proving too much for him?
A survey by the People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals has found that 71% of pets are overweight. This shouldn’t surprise us, as half of all owners admit giving their pets takeaways, with fish and chips and curries being top of the list. 8 out of 10 owners say that they feed their pets anything from ice cream to duck breast and even after-dinner mints. It seems a terrible reflection on our society that even during a recession, some folk choose to pamper their animals in a way that actually harms their health, while thousands of families struggle to afford one wholesome meal per day.
6 months ago, nearly 50% of French men claimed in a poll that they were the world’s best lovers. Now, another poll has shown that there is something seriously wrong with 75% of relationships in the land of the Eiffel Tower. We should have suspected that there was a flaw in the first survey, as they’d also said that they were the most intelligent males in Europe, and – wait for it – the funniest. Ha ha, indeed!
That brilliant man, Albert Einstein, was three and a half years old when he spoke his first words, complaining that his milk was too hot. Until then, his parents were of the opinion that he was severely retarded, so they were naturally delighted at this turn of events, and asked him why he hadn’t spoken before then. He answered that he hadn’t needed to up till then, as everything around him had been running smoothly. Enough said!
A survey by the People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals has found that 71% of pets are overweight. This shouldn’t surprise us, as half of all owners admit giving their pets takeaways, with fish and chips and curries being top of the list. 8 out of 10 owners say that they feed their pets anything from ice cream to duck breast and even after-dinner mints. It seems a terrible reflection on our society that even during a recession, some folk choose to pamper their animals in a way that actually harms their health, while thousands of families struggle to afford one wholesome meal per day.
6 months ago, nearly 50% of French men claimed in a poll that they were the world’s best lovers. Now, another poll has shown that there is something seriously wrong with 75% of relationships in the land of the Eiffel Tower. We should have suspected that there was a flaw in the first survey, as they’d also said that they were the most intelligent males in Europe, and – wait for it – the funniest. Ha ha, indeed!
That brilliant man, Albert Einstein, was three and a half years old when he spoke his first words, complaining that his milk was too hot. Until then, his parents were of the opinion that he was severely retarded, so they were naturally delighted at this turn of events, and asked him why he hadn’t spoken before then. He answered that he hadn’t needed to up till then, as everything around him had been running smoothly. Enough said!
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
The Wrong Amount of Sleep
The ballot for the leadership of the Labour Party began last week, but with 5 MPs up for election, including the 2 Milliband brothers, it seems pretty low key. Even the press, who usually have their finger on the public pulse, seem to think so, as they don’t seem to use up many column inches regarding it. The Party would expect about 60-80% of the postal ballot papers to be filled in, going by past elections, but of course, the fact that Tony Blair’s biography, “A Journey” was released last week as well might have a bearing on how fast folk will fill in their papers, who they will vote for, or indeed, if they will bother to scribble their Xs. His book was below 50th place in Amazon’s bestseller list a fortnight ago, but has moved into 7th place since it was announced that proceeds from the book will be given to the Royal British Legion. I’m not sure who the guru was who persuaded him to give up that lovely dosh, but it was a shrewd move, as he certainly didn’t want to be embarrassed by being a former PM whose books were being used for other purposes, rather than for being perused by us, the gullible British public. My heart bleeds for poor Cherie, thinking of all the outfits and makeovers that she’ll miss out on, because of the hardship. It is hard to believe that the following quote came from his lips – “Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war.”
The former British Prime Minister, started promisingly enough, but his abiding legacy after his ten years of leadership was probably going to War in Iraq. The day he resigned as Prime Minister he also gave up being an MP (never having liked the House of Commons or Britain anyway hence spending most of his time as leader abroad or covering foreign matters) and was appointed, perhaps ironically, a peace envoy. The mind boggles. When he went to Dublin last Saturday, he was pelted with shoes and eggs, and he has now cancelled another book signing which was due to take place in a branch of Waterstone's in London on Wednesday. The man responsible for sending our troops to the frontline is evidently scared of being faced with a few protesters. Maybe something is finally beginning to register up top.
Further north, and the equally silver tongued Alex Salmond has given up on the idea of tabling a bill on an independence referendum before the next election, despite his repeated promises over the past three and a half years. The usual bullish Mr Salmond seems to have lost his nerve this time – in fact, he looks as if he's emulated the Grand Old Duke of York, who marched his men to the top of the hill, only to march them down again. Mr Salmond says that independence will be the central theme of the Nationalists' electoral campaign. In other words, the election would effectively act as the referendum that he has ditched because he knew that the SNP would lose it. That seems like a very warped way of thinking to me. Of course, if Labour grab power next May, then it will be open warfare between Edinburgh and London, that is while the Coalition parties are running Westminster. There is some cooperation between them and Salmond, but there would probably be no proper dialogue between a governing Labour Party in Scotland and Cameron.
David Cameron, the Tory leader, and of course, new dad, seems to have some rather odd bedfellows besides his good lady, Samantha. He entered into a coalition with the LibDems, which looks to be on shaky ground at times, and some of his close aides seem to attract trouble, including Andy Coulson, Downing Street's head of communications, and who used to be the editor of the “News of the World” at the time its reporters were allegedly hacking into the mobile phone messages of celebrities and members of the Royal Family. Many a better man than Mr Cameron have been forced out of office because of those they trusted to have around them.
On a lighter note, I see that scientists are at it again in the great sleep debate. I remember reading that Maggie Thatcher got by with 5 hours sleep, but for most people that amount of sleep could present a serious hazard to the heart, along with helping to bring on other ailments, such as colds, obesity, dementia, and some types of cancer. I hasten to add that the so called sleep experts do not recommend a certain amount of sleep time for us all, but that there is a certain amount of time that is most beneficial for each individual. One such expert, Professor Jim Horne of Loughborough University, claims that one of the most effective ways of getting off to sleep is to do a jigsaw. Well, I find it difficult to work with a jigsaw on a completely flat surface, so to try to fit the pieces while it is perched on my knobbly knees seems to be a non-starter. I wonder if he recommends jigsaws with sheep in the picture, or did he just have a bad dream.
The former British Prime Minister, started promisingly enough, but his abiding legacy after his ten years of leadership was probably going to War in Iraq. The day he resigned as Prime Minister he also gave up being an MP (never having liked the House of Commons or Britain anyway hence spending most of his time as leader abroad or covering foreign matters) and was appointed, perhaps ironically, a peace envoy. The mind boggles. When he went to Dublin last Saturday, he was pelted with shoes and eggs, and he has now cancelled another book signing which was due to take place in a branch of Waterstone's in London on Wednesday. The man responsible for sending our troops to the frontline is evidently scared of being faced with a few protesters. Maybe something is finally beginning to register up top.
Further north, and the equally silver tongued Alex Salmond has given up on the idea of tabling a bill on an independence referendum before the next election, despite his repeated promises over the past three and a half years. The usual bullish Mr Salmond seems to have lost his nerve this time – in fact, he looks as if he's emulated the Grand Old Duke of York, who marched his men to the top of the hill, only to march them down again. Mr Salmond says that independence will be the central theme of the Nationalists' electoral campaign. In other words, the election would effectively act as the referendum that he has ditched because he knew that the SNP would lose it. That seems like a very warped way of thinking to me. Of course, if Labour grab power next May, then it will be open warfare between Edinburgh and London, that is while the Coalition parties are running Westminster. There is some cooperation between them and Salmond, but there would probably be no proper dialogue between a governing Labour Party in Scotland and Cameron.
David Cameron, the Tory leader, and of course, new dad, seems to have some rather odd bedfellows besides his good lady, Samantha. He entered into a coalition with the LibDems, which looks to be on shaky ground at times, and some of his close aides seem to attract trouble, including Andy Coulson, Downing Street's head of communications, and who used to be the editor of the “News of the World” at the time its reporters were allegedly hacking into the mobile phone messages of celebrities and members of the Royal Family. Many a better man than Mr Cameron have been forced out of office because of those they trusted to have around them.
On a lighter note, I see that scientists are at it again in the great sleep debate. I remember reading that Maggie Thatcher got by with 5 hours sleep, but for most people that amount of sleep could present a serious hazard to the heart, along with helping to bring on other ailments, such as colds, obesity, dementia, and some types of cancer. I hasten to add that the so called sleep experts do not recommend a certain amount of sleep time for us all, but that there is a certain amount of time that is most beneficial for each individual. One such expert, Professor Jim Horne of Loughborough University, claims that one of the most effective ways of getting off to sleep is to do a jigsaw. Well, I find it difficult to work with a jigsaw on a completely flat surface, so to try to fit the pieces while it is perched on my knobbly knees seems to be a non-starter. I wonder if he recommends jigsaws with sheep in the picture, or did he just have a bad dream.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Apres Hospital Rantings
There’s been 8 weeks since I’ve written anything on this blog, mainly due to the fact that I’m spending a lot of time in hospital, and the rest of it in relatives’ homes, so as to afford me some rest while I have my 2 weeks’ respite. Everyone has been great to me over the past while, both while I’ve cooled down at my relations’ pads, and while I’m getting treatment in the hospital, usually over 5 days at a time. The care lavished on myself and the other patients is second to none, from consultants, doctors, nurses, and all the other folk needed to provide auxiliary services. There’s a feeling of camaraderie between staff and patients, something like an unspoken feeling that by everyone pulling together, each patient is going to wipe the floor with his or her disease. I was rather wary when I had to go in on 1st June for the first time, in order to undergo an operation, but 14 weeks on, and it just seems like a few days. Although I’d like for now to thank all those who have helped me over the past while, I’ll keep their champagne on ice until I walk out of there, knowing that together, we’ve triumphed!
I had a brief look at a couple of newspapers this morning, and see that George Galloway, he once of the Labour Party, then the left wing Respect Party (what a misnomer!) is still getting quite a few extra pounds into his over sized wallet by writing for the Daily Record. With his usual humility, he praises himself for having refused £200,000 to appear in the “Ultimate Big Brother” house. Maybe the milk in the cat’s dish was not to his liking the last time. I was actually more interested in a smaller article that he penned, bemoaning the fact that there are so many presenters etc from the Highlands and Islands on BBC Scotland radio and TV. It doesn’t seem to have crossed his mind that maybe they are there because they can actually do their job. I am fiercely proud of my roots in the north of Scotland, and I find his remarks very offensive, especially when he remarks that maybe BBC Scotland should relocate to Stornaway (he didn’t even bother to check his spelling –should he be classed as a journalist?), as some of the staff must be homesick. Over 2 World Wars, the Highlands and Islands have had the biggest percentage of folk serving for their country than anywhere else in the UK – they didn’t have time to get homesick then, and they certainly don’t feel homesick nowadays, after having travelled just a few miles down the road. Of course, the overfed George has quite a few places to be homesick for, such as Iraq, Palestine, and Afghanistan.
While sitting out in the glorious sunshine earlier on in the afternoon, my mind wandered somewhat, remembering odd things like gaffes that had been included in CVs, such as not using punctuation correctly, hence some classics like “I am interested in cooking dogs and interesting people.” It also reminded me of some press clippings that I’d stored in a folder some time ago, so I thought it was time to unearth a couple of them --
Concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
“Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.”
From The Derby Abbey Community News:
“We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.”
Norway
Norwegian business consultant Hendrik Pedersen worked for 13 years on a book about Norwegian economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. Time to make a quick exit, I think, in case I lose everything as well.
I had a brief look at a couple of newspapers this morning, and see that George Galloway, he once of the Labour Party, then the left wing Respect Party (what a misnomer!) is still getting quite a few extra pounds into his over sized wallet by writing for the Daily Record. With his usual humility, he praises himself for having refused £200,000 to appear in the “Ultimate Big Brother” house. Maybe the milk in the cat’s dish was not to his liking the last time. I was actually more interested in a smaller article that he penned, bemoaning the fact that there are so many presenters etc from the Highlands and Islands on BBC Scotland radio and TV. It doesn’t seem to have crossed his mind that maybe they are there because they can actually do their job. I am fiercely proud of my roots in the north of Scotland, and I find his remarks very offensive, especially when he remarks that maybe BBC Scotland should relocate to Stornaway (he didn’t even bother to check his spelling –should he be classed as a journalist?), as some of the staff must be homesick. Over 2 World Wars, the Highlands and Islands have had the biggest percentage of folk serving for their country than anywhere else in the UK – they didn’t have time to get homesick then, and they certainly don’t feel homesick nowadays, after having travelled just a few miles down the road. Of course, the overfed George has quite a few places to be homesick for, such as Iraq, Palestine, and Afghanistan.
While sitting out in the glorious sunshine earlier on in the afternoon, my mind wandered somewhat, remembering odd things like gaffes that had been included in CVs, such as not using punctuation correctly, hence some classics like “I am interested in cooking dogs and interesting people.” It also reminded me of some press clippings that I’d stored in a folder some time ago, so I thought it was time to unearth a couple of them --
Concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
“Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.”
From The Derby Abbey Community News:
“We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.”
Norway
Norwegian business consultant Hendrik Pedersen worked for 13 years on a book about Norwegian economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. Time to make a quick exit, I think, in case I lose everything as well.
Monday, 5 July 2010
Daft Rules and Regulations
Whilst attending hospital last week, and waiting to see a doctor, I happened to in quite a pleasant waiting room, where an assistant made sure that we had plenty of coffee, tea, juice etc. brought to us; there was also a large plate on a table in front of us with biscuits, shortbread and such, waiting to be scoffed. As I was unable to eat, my attention and eyes tended to wander, and finally alighted on a notice that was fixed to the wall opposite me. It read, “Relatives and friends of patients are not allowed to eat”. There was nothing else -- no qualifying statement -- just those ten words. It seemed that all my poor friends and relations, and indeed, those of other patients, are destined for a future devoid of any sustenance. Of course, it was written in order to deter others from eating the patients’ goodies, but it was badly written, and the writer obviously didn’t bother to read it again before having it printed. I have mentioned stupid laws in a couple of my posts before now, and this incident set me going again, this time having a look at some of the more idiotic laws worldwide.
For instance, you are not allowed to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama, but if you are driving, sighted or unsighted, in Massachusetts, make sure that you do not have a gorilla in the back seat, as that’s a definite no-no. I’m not sure if you’re allowed to have one keeping you company in the front seat or not. Birthday suits seem to be taboo in quite a few places -- for instance, it’s an offence to shower naked in Florida, or to sleep naked in Minnesota, while you can also run foul of the law in the latter place by crossing their state lines with a duck on your head. I would reckon that you could bypass the first law by using the duck.
We all know that the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, surrounds himself with short people sometimes, as well as having a custom built lectern with an inbuilt footstool, as he is so sensitive about his lack of inches. It seems that the vanity issue with French leaders goes back quite a few years though, as it is still illegal in that country to name a pig “Napoleon”. It seems that in Switzerland you are not allowed to flush toilets after 10pm, although I presume it’s okay to yodel away to your heart’s content. In Israel, it’s illegal to dress or undress with the light switched on. I’m not sure how I’d get on if I was looking for a pair of matching socks.
Back home, Nick Clegg has asked the public to nominate laws and regulations that they would like to see abolished. There are still so many of them on the Statute Books, but I just picked out a few at random. At the moment , it is illegal to die in the House of Commons, so quite often we can look at Parliament in action on our screens, and are faced with the spectacle of the living dead -- the MPs are obviously sticking to the rules. Of course, you can also be charged if you fail to report a grey squirrel in your garden -- I’m not sure what I’m meant to do if I spot one in my lounge. Then there is the rule stating that you cannot enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State. That’s why it’s always handy to have Willie Hague’s phone number in your wallet or handbag, just in case you were passing the aforementioned vessel, and felt like paying an impromptu visit.
Whilst researching some of the nonsensical trivia above, I decided that my interest from now on should be in current affairs, as I cannot see any future whatsoever in being a historian.
For instance, you are not allowed to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama, but if you are driving, sighted or unsighted, in Massachusetts, make sure that you do not have a gorilla in the back seat, as that’s a definite no-no. I’m not sure if you’re allowed to have one keeping you company in the front seat or not. Birthday suits seem to be taboo in quite a few places -- for instance, it’s an offence to shower naked in Florida, or to sleep naked in Minnesota, while you can also run foul of the law in the latter place by crossing their state lines with a duck on your head. I would reckon that you could bypass the first law by using the duck.
We all know that the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, surrounds himself with short people sometimes, as well as having a custom built lectern with an inbuilt footstool, as he is so sensitive about his lack of inches. It seems that the vanity issue with French leaders goes back quite a few years though, as it is still illegal in that country to name a pig “Napoleon”. It seems that in Switzerland you are not allowed to flush toilets after 10pm, although I presume it’s okay to yodel away to your heart’s content. In Israel, it’s illegal to dress or undress with the light switched on. I’m not sure how I’d get on if I was looking for a pair of matching socks.
Back home, Nick Clegg has asked the public to nominate laws and regulations that they would like to see abolished. There are still so many of them on the Statute Books, but I just picked out a few at random. At the moment , it is illegal to die in the House of Commons, so quite often we can look at Parliament in action on our screens, and are faced with the spectacle of the living dead -- the MPs are obviously sticking to the rules. Of course, you can also be charged if you fail to report a grey squirrel in your garden -- I’m not sure what I’m meant to do if I spot one in my lounge. Then there is the rule stating that you cannot enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State. That’s why it’s always handy to have Willie Hague’s phone number in your wallet or handbag, just in case you were passing the aforementioned vessel, and felt like paying an impromptu visit.
Whilst researching some of the nonsensical trivia above, I decided that my interest from now on should be in current affairs, as I cannot see any future whatsoever in being a historian.
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